I Am a Social Activist

This past Sunday my son and I stumbled upon Lady Gaga's new Born This Way initiative, launched recently at Harvard, which focuses on  heightening understanding around bullying and promoting a more compassionate society. It spurred a great conversation with my ten-year old around why people bully and what you can do when you see bullying.

That evening I brought my son to a GenAustin (Girls Empowerment Network Austin) community benefit: a discussion and preview of the new documentary Wonder Women:The Untold Story of American Superheroines. The event illuminated the lack of strong female heroines in the movies, media and comics and why this is. (To my delight, my son--an avid reader--leaned over halfway through the panel discussion and said incredulously, "Mom, I can't believe this, this happens in books, too!")

I had forgotten I'm a social activist (when I was in my twenties, I would drive around East Austin canvasing neighborhoods to encourage voter participation--nowadays, this energy is funnelled to helping men and women find balance).

In the Personal Renewal Groups I started in 2003--which are now meeting in more than eight countries worldwide--a favorite self-care group exercise used to be creating an I AM collage that colorfully represents all the facets of who we are: artist, sister, activist, creative diva, dancer, idea generator, singer, gardener, comic, cook, community organizer, yogini, daughter, mother, volunteer and more.

When you get consumed by work, family, parenting and just responding to what shows up in front of you moment to moment, it's easy to forget how interesting, complex and dynamic we all are.

The other night, a dear friend introduced me at a networking event using a title I haven't claimed in years. At first I felt the need to correct her and then I smiled. Ahhhh. She's a part of me, just like all the other parts and polarities I hold: being Type A and calm/relaxed; a cosmopolitan girl and an earth woman; a savvy entrepreneur and an artistic soul; a natural foods cook and a connoisseur of french fries; big hearted and cerebral; a leader and a tribesperson; a global speaker and a householder.

I AM ...all of these things.

My son celebrated his first double digit birthday on Tuesday. My recent reflections make me want to try harder and dig deeper to extricate, reflect, honor and celebrate ALL parts of him--those I love and those I don't understand or fancy. Because I believe the more fully we can be us--warts and all--the easier it is to be accepting of others.

I love to hear from, connect with and meet The Journey readers at our events. I invite you to:

• Find Your Tribe: Join or become trained to lead Personal Renewal Groups for women
• Attend a retreat/event including my April 13th Empowered Entrepreneur Retreat and my April Esalen and June Kripalu retreats and check out all upcoming events
• Learn about Live Inside Out and receive weekly inspiration on our Live Inside Out Facebook Community
• Pick up my life balance title The Mother's Guide to Self-Renewal from the library or buy it here
• Read past issues of my Life Balance newsletter
• Take Action: Contact one of our career or life balance coaches for 1-on-1 support; receive an initial complimentary consultation
• Empower Others: Schedule Renee for a private workshop or retreat for your company or organization
• I Choose Love PSA: a reminder that when we come from love--one of the most powerful yet underutilized forces on the planet--we have the ability to transcend fear and remember what we're really hear to do: give and receive love. Learn more.

Subscribe to The Journey, a weekly blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey to creating balance from the inside out.

WonderWomen documentary. Learn how to catch a screening of this wonderful flick in your area at www.WonderWomenDoc.com.

Success

I was interviewed last week by a national women’s magazine on the subject of women and success.

It’s got me thinking.

I shared with the editor some of the things my team and I observe through our coaching business:
-how women define success shifts depending on their age and life stage
-the economic crash has impacted how everyone--men and women—view success
-having kids radically changes how most people think about success
-in our post 9/11 era, we all realize how impermanent everything is—this has challenged us to become more introspective and to begin looking at life from the inside-out
-women—who usually wear many hats and are often primary caregivers—often look at success more holistically than men; it’s not just tied to career or finances

But what I find most interesting and what we hear through the facilitators and participants in our Personal Renewal Groups, is that women tend to define success by asking, “Do I have the time, energy and resources to devote to what is most important to me right now?” Interestingly this is also how I define life balance.

Whether it’s working on a book, spending more time with our husbands, launching a new product at work, caring for an aging parent, reducing our hours and not overworking, learning to bake bread, creating more space for outings with our kids, finding work that is fulfilling and meaningful or establishing a nonprofit, our version of what success looks and feels like changes monthly—sometimes, weekly!

I have been planning since last December to devote July to my new project on everyday spirituality. I have looked forward to this writing sabbatical with incredible anticipation.

For me, success was being able to take July off and devote uninterrupted time to my exciting new project.

But, we got the surprising news last Friday that my husband was layed off from his software quality assurance job, so now success is up for re-definition once again, based on my new role as sole breadwinner. (My husband is very supportive and hopeful he'll find a job quickly so I’ll still be able to take this writing sabbatical. Fingers are crossed.)

How do you define success? How has it changed for you in the last 10 years? Do you think men and women define success differently? I’d love to hear your thoughts on this topic here or on our Live Inside Out community.

And, if you are self-employed and interested in getting support around re-defining your relationship to your business and what success looks like for you--join us this Friday, June 11th at The Empowered Entrepreneur in Austin!

JOIN A GROUP, ATTEND A RETREAT/WORKSHOP OR DIALOGUE WITH ME: Would you like support for defining what success means to you? Join us in the cool Berkshire mountains in MA this coming August at the beautiful Kripalu Center for Yoga and Health for our Self-Renewal Retreat Aug. 13-15. One of my favorite spots on the planet and the retreat center that I visit when I'm ready to make a huge life shift! Visit our calendar to learn more about upcoming events including our FREE June 17th Live Inside Out teleclass for couples on Staying Connected to Your Partner and our June 11th The Empowered Entrepreneur workshop.

Also, check out our Live Inside Out community and share how you create balance in your relationship.

The Journey, a blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey to life balance and living life from the inside out, comes out weekly.

Photo: A field of sunflowers in Taos, New Mexico. Just like us, they often look similar but are growing and evolving at their own, unique pace.

Less is More

I work with a wonderful woman (a mom to two young kids) who is very clear that less is more.

Often on Fridays, we touch base before we head into the weekend and discuss our upcoming plans. She never says, “Oh, this weekend is a doozie, we have so much going on,” or “my plate is so full, I’ll need a vacation come Monday.” After hearing my plans—which are often busier than I'd like--she usually replies, “We don't have much going on, we're keeping it simple. We like it that way.” And, she does.

I remember years ago hearing life coach Cheryl Richardson say that our quality of life is directly enhanced not by what we put into it, but by what we remove.

Almost everyone I know --even those of us who don’t watch TV, limit online time and frequently say “no” to requests for our time that pull us away from our priorities—describe their lives as varying stages of feeling overcommitted, overscheduled and overworked

If life balance is having enough time, energy and resources for those things that are most important to us (my definition), then as a rule, in today’s overzealous, 24/7, fast-paced environment, we’ll challenged to be vigilant in order to keep things simple. To remember what really matters and to be clear that adding more things to our schedule typically makes us grumpy, not happier.

At the end of your weekend do you ever say “Gosh, I just wish I had done more. The weekend was too unscheduled. Too relaxing. Too easy. I had too much time with my sweet family.” Probably not.

If you’re like me, the best weekends are the ones where I didn’t do much of anything but pull weeds with my family, pop some popcorn, swing in the hammock and visit a bit with our neighbors as we watched the kids play and dusk settle in.

Looking forward to some expanses of unscheduled time this summer. And maybe, if I'm lucky, visiting my old childhood friend, boredom.

JOIN US FOR A RETREAT: Take a mini-career retreat on Saturday, April 10th to learn how to integrate who you are with what you do. And, we have a few spots left for our April 23-25 Refresh, Reclaim, Re-Balance: Women's Self-Renewal Retreat at The Crossings Spa & Resort in Austin, TX, but sign up today to ensure your spot. Or, escape to the cool mountains in August and join us at the beautiful Kripalu Center for Yoga and Health in the MA Berkshires Aug. 13-15. One of my favorite spots on the planet!

Also, visit Live Inside Out to register for our April 15 FREE teleclass from 7:30-8:30 p.m. CST on Unleashing Your Creativity. And sign up to receive weekly tips on how to live more intentionally through our Live Inside Out Facebook Community.

The Journey, a blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey to life balance and living life from the inside out, comes out weekly.

Photo: My one year-old nephew reaches for a flower behind East Side Cafe after a family dinner. A relaxing stroll through their gardens after our delicious meal was one of the simple pleasures of our day.

Your Wise Self

Last Friday I led a one-day self-renewal retreat at The Crossings Spa & Resort for a wonderful group of women from around the US (and one from Shanghai!).

At the front of the space where we gathered—a beautiful room with walls of windows, nestled in the woods—there were two comfy armchairs with a small side table where a mug of tea and a vase of flowers sat.

I began the morning by inviting the women to visualize themselves sitting comfortably in one of the chairs and across from them in the opposite armchair sat the most important person they would ever meet: their wise self.

I was meeting with a new entrepreneur client recently who was referred to me by a very well-connected businesswoman in our community. This client joked with me before we began, saying “Mary warned me that you were wild about retreats and you’d probably recommend I take one!” This made me smile, but it’s true. (Read more on The Power of Retreating.)

I see a retreat --whether it’s for a day, a weekend or a week-- as an opportunity to pause, hit the re-set button and have a date with your wise self. To tap into that part of you which holds the highest and best for you, that already has all the answers.

The guided retreats I’ve taken over the years have been highly instrumental in my decision to write a book, open a business, take my relationship with my partner to a new place, launch into a new career direction, take a sabbatical from work and often the experience just created the opportunity for me to receive just whatever it was I most needed at the time: validation, support, empowerment, inspiration, camaraderie or a shift in perspective.

For me there is always a strange delight in landing in a new, beautiful natural setting with a group of people I’ve never met, where no one knows me, there are no expectations and my only job is to be “wide open” and see what wisdom surfaces for me.

Retreats are a lot of work to facilitate. It terms of “energy expenditure” it would be far easier for me to fly somewhere and deliver a 2 hour life balance workshop, pick up my check and come home.

But the deeply moving feedback we get from retreat participants has convinced me that we all need regular opportunities for “dates with ourselves.” Because, often times, these experiences are the only ones that truly allow us to get quiet enough to hear what our wise selves have been whispering in our ears for months …or sometimes, for years.

JOIN US FOR A RETREAT: Take a mini-career retreat on Saturday, April 10th to learn how to integrate who you are with what you do. And, we have a few spots left for our April 23-25 Refresh, Reclaim, Re-Balance: Women's Self-Renewal Retreat at The Crossings Spa & Resort in Austin, TX, but sign up today to ensure your spot. Or, escape to the cool mountains in August and join us at the beautiful Kripalu Center for Yoga and Health in the MA Berkshires Aug. 13-15. One of my favorite spots on the planet!

Also, visit Live Inside Out to register for our April 15 FREE teleclass from 7:30-8:30 p.m. CST on Unleashing Your Creativity. And sign up to receive weekly tips on how to live more intentionally through our Live Inside Out Facebook Community.

The Journey, a blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey to life balance and living life from the inside out, comes out weekly.

Photo: A past retreat participant immersed in a morning creativity exercise.

Begin Anew

Yesterday (March 20th), marked the March equinox—a time when the sun shines directly on the equator and the length of day and night are nearly equal in all parts of the world.

It’s a time when light and dark come into balance. And while the dance of equilibrium and disequilibrium happens constantly in our lives and all around us, there is something special, almost mysterious about the equinox and its significance.

In Texas right now, we’re witnessing incredible growth in the natural world.

And as we watch all of this external expansion--small buds straining to come to full bloom and trees stretching and shooting bright green leaves--it makes me think about how many of us in this very moment are striving for internal balance and spiritual growth.(Read some of the recent comments on our Live Inside Out FB Community from amazing women who shared their stories last week around why they need a retreat.)

For many cultures, the March equinox represents an opportunity for re-birth. For me, it’s a reminder that every day is a new opportunity to start over.

To let the argument, sharp words, miscommunication, rushed encounter, lost moment or bad mood simply go. Poof!!

And to realize what a gift it is to be able to choose to begin each day with a fresh, more compassionate, kinder and loving approach to our relationships with ourselves, with our partner or kids, work, marriage, business partnerships, clients, etc.

I just got back from being out for a week on an amazing trip to Philadelphia with my 8-year old son. We visited my youngest brother who is in graduate school there.

When I've been gone for a while and work and family/home obligations have stacked up and are awaiting my attention, it’s so easy to see all the things that need to be done, have not been done or were done differently than I would have liked.

And so, today, I begin anew. With gratitude for the ability to choose how I see my world, how I respond to my environment and how much or little love I choose to give and receive in my life. Thank God for the gift of being able--at any time-- to start over. Halleluiah!

My father, a compassionate physician who cared deeply about those less fortunate, died suddenly in 1996 from a heart attack at age 55. He loved The Prayer of St. Francis (he used to sing it so loud in church, my siblings and I would crawl under the pews in utter embarrassment).

I heard a beautiful version of this sung today. Regardless of your spiritual path, I believe it's a powerful reminder for all of us to pause and ask, “How can I bring more compassion, more love and more understanding to the people I encounter in my every day life?" Especially timely right now.

The Prayer of St. Francis

Lord, make me an instrument of Your peace.
Where there is hatred let me sow love,
Where there is injury let me sow pardon,
Where there is doubt let me sow faith,
Where there is despair let me give hope,
Where there is darkness let me give light,
Where there is sadness let me give joy.

Allow me to console, rather than to be consoled,
To understand, rather than to be understood,
To love, rather than be loved,
Because, it is in giving that we receive,
Because, it is in forgiving, that we are forgiven,
It is in dying, that we are born to eternal life.

JOIN US FOR A RETREAT: Interested in gaining clarity and focus on what's next for you? We have a few spots left for our 3/26 Refresh & Renew Mini Self-Care Retreat and our April 23-25 Refresh, Reclaim, Re-Balance: Women's Self-Renewal Retreat at The Crossings Spa & Resort in Austin, TX, but sign up today.

Also, visit Live Inside Out to register for our March 23rd FREE teleclass from 7:30-8:30 p.m. CST on Owning Your Personal Power. And sign up to receive weekly tips on how to live more intentionally through our Live Inside Out Facebook Community.

The Journey, a blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey to life balance and living life from the inside out, comes out weekly.

Photo: Lotus flower--a symbol of light, life and re-birth.

Interconnected

I went to hear a friend sing the other night. A talented, soulful singer songwriter, it was Tricia Mitchell’s re-entry into the spotlight after taking a break to be with her young kids.

As I watched her onstage at a local club in Austin telling stories, singing, playing her guitar and still somehow staying connected to her small three and six year old kiddos who were running around in front of the stage, I was deeply moved. (Listen to some of her music here; I love Bobby Jo Plays the Violin.)

It takes a lot of courage to write music and lyrics and have the willingness to get up “bare naked” and perform in front of friends and strangers.

We inspire each other. When one of us makes the choice to get up off the couch and (fill in the blank: look for a new job, start a business, write a book, take up painting, perform original music in front of an audience), we all do.

We’re far more connected than we know. And in our small and large acts of courage, we empower each other—often unknowingly—to fulfill our dreams. And to keep putting one foot in front of the next.

Thanks Tricia, for reminding all of us that what awaits us when we get up off the couch—is worth pursuing. And, for helping us remember that when we let our light shine, we unconsciously give others the permission to do the same.

AN INVITATION: Interested in exploring and tapping into the power of self-care? Learn how you can join or become trained to lead a self-renewal circle for women. And, view all upcoming events--including our amazing March 26th and April 23-25 Self Renewal Women's Retreats at The Crossings Spa & Resort--here.

Also, visit Live Inside Out to register for our March 23rd FREE teleclass from 7:30-8:30 p.m. CST on Owning Your Personal Power. And sign up to receive weekly tips on how to live more intentionally through our Live Inside Out Facebook Community.

The Journey, a blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey to life balance and living life from the inside out, comes out weekly.

Photo: Tricia Mitchell.

Creative Expression=Balanced Living?

I attended a creativity party this past weekend at my good friend author/writing coach Carolyn Scarborough’s home.

She asked her friends to bring something to the party that illustrated how they "get their creative game on.”

Guests sang, tap danced, recited poetry, read from published or yet to be published books, shared paintings, textiles, mosaics, photography, journals, played instruments, talked about new businesses that were being birthed and cheered each other on for their bravery and willingness to express whatever it is that lights their fire.

I loved this opportunity to think about what creative endeavors fuel me. I’m a big believer that it’s not about being great, it’s about picking up, continuing or starting creative pursuits simply for the joy of it (read more on this from The Mother’s Guide to Self-Renewal, chapter seven: Unleashing Your Creativity).

I remember when I signed up for an acting class—just for fun and because it sent terror down my spine--shortly after my thirtieth birthday. It was one of the times in my life that I felt most alive—yes,most scared—but most alive!

I was raised by an artist/musician/philosopher mother who believed creative expression was like oxygen—it was essential to being human. (Interestingly a debate broke out in my son’s second grade classroom recently about what humans need to survive; apparently a line was drawn between those who believed art was essential to our sustainability and those who believed it was not!)

I know when my plate is full (we have seven events in the next 60 days, many of them national) and I’m struggling to keep a sense of equilibrium and sanity in my life, thinking about creative expression may not be at the top of my list. But maybe it should be?

I find that when I live more in the right hemisphere of my brain and give myself breathing room to “create” from nothing, I feel more alive, more connected to others and more in touch with the mystery, magic and bigness of life. And, I feel more balanced. Not a bad place to hang out.

I love the following quote from well-known artist/dancer Martha Graham. My entrepreneur brother sent it to me when I was two months into launching my first business ten years ago and singing the “start-up blues.” It really resonated with me:

"There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and it will be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is nor how valuable nor how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open. You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work. You have to keep yourself open and aware to the urges that motivate you. Keep the channel open. ... No artist is pleased. [There is] no satisfaction whatever at any time. There is only a queer divine dissatisfaction, a blessed unrest that keeps us marching and makes us more alive than the others"'

AN INVITATION: Interested in exploring and tapping into the power of self-care? Learn how you can join or become trained to lead a self-renewal circle for women. And, view all upcoming events--including March 26th and April 23-25 spring renewal retreats--here.

Also, visit Live Inside Out to register for our Feb. 25th FREE teleclass from 7:30-8:30 p.m. CST on Good is Good Enough: Releasing Perfection. And sign up to receive weekly tips on how to live more intentionally through our Live Inside Out Facebook Community.

The Journey, a blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey to life balance and living life from the inside out, comes out weekly.

Photo: A natural elements creation I photographed while vacationing with my family on the Olympic Peninsula, WA.

When I Fill My Cup First

I spoke last week to a group of career coaches. Most of them were women. And, many of them came up to me after the presentation and wanted to talk about self-care.

I encouraged them to consider joining a Personal Renewal Group, attending one my spring retreats, or just taking some time each week for themselves. Most responded “I really need that, but I just don’t have the time …the money …the support from my family ….the space on my calendar.” And others simply said “Yes, I know it’s what I need but …..” and they looked down at their feet or across the room, as if I’d just suggested they climb Mount Everest.

Last month two of my girlfriends had extended breaks from their families/young children (their husbands were traveling with their kids). When I ran into them during this break, they were absolutely glowing. They had a sense of levity, aliveness and joy that I hadn’t witnessed in a while. It wasn’t that they had miserable lives or didn’t love being around their kids, but this break had helped them re-charge, reconnect with their essence and enjoy the incredible gift of being able to listen –and respond to—their needs.

Can you remember a time when you’ve had a break and felt the same way?

It’s been ten years since I first started focusing on my self-care. Sometimes I try and remember what it was like when I just pushed through my day, never pausing to check in with my needs. And, never believing that I was worthy of self-nurturance and self-compassion.

I know that my life now is not perfect and everyday is a learning experience, but my commitment to listening to and caring for my sweet self is so strong, I can’t imagine any other way. And, I know that I’m a radically different—and better---mother, sister, wife, employer and friend because of it.

If you’re in Texas (or have friends who are), I strongly encourage you to join me for a rare treat on Thursday, Feb. 18th in Austin for a FREE event. I’ll be facilitating an Evening of Self-Renewal and will be introducing this profound and sacred practice which has changed who I am. Bring a photo (see details) and come prepared to experience a shift in how you feel and think about yourself.

AN INVITATION: Interested in exploring and tapping into the power of self-care? Learn how you can join or become trained to lead a self-renewal circle for women. And, view all upcoming events--including March 26th and April 23-25 spring renewal retreats--here.

Also, visit Live Inside Out to register for our Feb. 23rd FREE evening teleclass on Good is Good Enough: Releasing Perfection. And sign up to receive weekly tips on how to live more intentionally through our Live Inside Out Facebook Community.

The Journey, a blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey to life balance and living life from the inside out, comes out weekly.

Photo: Flora in the Berkshire Mountains at Kripalu (where I'll be leading an August Self-Renewal Retreat Aug. 13-15).

Doing Mania

This is the time of year that many of us feel more like human doings than human beings.

Yesterday afternoon, my husband and seven-year old son went out to work on costumes for one of my husband’s upcoming Samba gigs.

I had been looking forward to this rare present all day: two to three hours of quiet time alone in my house!

After they left, I hopped online to take care of a few timely work-related items (rare for me as I try to stay offline on the weekends).

Forty-five-minutes later, I looked up and—irritated-- felt the sands of time sifting through my fingertips. My mind started racing as I thought of all the things I had wanted to do during this window—gardening, hiking, baking, cleaning out my closet, “pure fun” reading, biking (it was gorgeous and sunny in Austin yesterday). And as I noticed all of these distractions waving and running by with hopeful smiles like contestants on the Price is Right, I found my irritation subsiding and realized what I really needed to “do”—was nothing at all.

Finally, I grabbed a blanket and headed out into our backyard, found the warmest, sunniest spot I could and laid down on the grass (of course my notepad and pen were handy in case I got a sudden inspiration to write a novel!).

Can you relate?

I think there are three kinds of people:
1. Those who feel they have to “do” to be worthy (they’re constantly in motion; this was me up until about age 35)
2. Those who feel they need to “do their work” before they relax and play (I’m in this camp with millions of other Puritan work ethic devotees)
3. Those who have no guilt ever about relaxing and playing at any time! (My husband sleeps here—in his book “any time is the right time for relaxing!”)

The wonderful, wise author/mind-body expert Joan Borysenko, Ph.D. says, "Remember—your to-do list is immortal. It will live on long after you’re dead."

Being very skilled at the “doing dance,” I can honestly share that it’s quite seductive.

We’re rewarded –particularly in the U.S.—for output. You don’t hear anyone say, “Can you believe how often she says ‘no’ and how much she’s slowed down? Wow, what a role model!”

There are many dangers that come from over-doing, but I think one of the deadliest—and scariest for me when I go into over-drive-- is we forget who we are.

I’ve heard many of our Career Strategists clients share in the last ten years “Isn’t there more? I feel like I just go to work, take care of the kids, handle my endless work/home obligations, sleep on the weekends and then start all over again Monday morning.”

When we don’t balance “doing” with “being,” we begin to feel like human robots instead of the juicy, creative, vibrant, alive beings that we are.

And we forget that “Life is not a thing to be managed, it’s a mystery to be lived.”

I don’t know about you, but I’ll take meandering through a mystery over planning out a summer camp schedule and finding a new way to cook chicken breasts, any day.

AN INVITATION: Interested in playing with balancing doing vs. being and tapping into the power of self-care? Learn how you can join or become trained to lead a self-renewal circle for women. And, view all upcoming events--including March 26th and April 23-25 spring renewal retreats--here.

Also, visit Live Inside Out to register for our Feb. 23rd FREE evening teleclass on Good is Good Enough: Releasing Perfection. And sign up to receive weekly tips on how to live more intentionally through our Live Inside Out Facebook Community.

The Journey, a blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey to life balance and living life from the inside out, comes out weekly.

Robot painting: Lisa Beebe.

Living Inside-Out

Every morning on the way to driving my son to school, I take a few minutes to set an intention for the day (i.e. I am wise and focused or I relax into an easy flow). I also invite my seven-year old to do the same. We’ve been doing this since he was about three.

This morning, when I asked him what kind of day he wanted to experience, he responded, “I wish you had a different personality. I can’t believe you think you can actually decide what kind of day you want to have?! You don’t know what’s going to happen around you!” (For those of you who have kids, he’s about to turn eight and in disequilibrium right now!)

Last Friday I had led a career strategy/planning workshop for men/women in their 30s-60s, from various professional backgrounds. I have been leading this workshop since 2005, so it’s very interesting to watch how the economy/job market affects people’s perceptions as they navigate career transitions, job searches and career changes.

A predominant theme during our highly interactive, exercise-based seminar—which challenged participants to reflect on what they want at this life stage, their personal brand, their work “non-negotiables,” and self-limiting beliefs around career/money—was the realization that we’re living in strange times. (There was definitely a lot more belly-button gazing going on than in the past!)

And whether we’re ready or not, we’re being challenged to get clear on what matters most, what our values are and what is in our “heart of hearts.”

Our old model that “appeared” to work for many –relying on a stable job, a robust 401K, retail therapy and the illusion of safety to bring us happiness—turns out, we’re realizing, is a house of cards.

So, if we can’t count on our external safety blankets to enhance our sense of peace and well-being, where does that leave us?

Possibly with an invitation to look at what it might mean—or be like—to live life from the inside-out, rather than the outside-in (read more).

And, even though as my seven-year old says, “you don’t know what is going to happen you,” I’m going to continue to believe that I do have power over my moment-to-moment experience by approaching life from the inside-out. And remembering that I can choose whether to take a scowl or bad driving personally or whether to stay steadfast in my belief that the “Universe is conspiring in my favor.”

Inside-out or outside-in, we’re all riding this see-saw together. Let’s keep the conversation alive on how we can all live more intentionally.

P.S. In case you missed it, check out my January Life Balance newsletter where I share the surprising revelation that a new PDA ultimately had no impact on how “balanced” professionals felt in 2009. Turns out, it’s all an inside-out-job ... read more.

AN INVITATION: Interested in experiencing more balance in 2010 and tapping into the power of self-care? Learn how you can join or become trained to lead a self-renewal circle for women. And, view all upcoming events--including spring renewal retreats--here.

Also, visit Live Inside Out to register for our Feb. 23rd FREE evening teleclass on Good is Good Enough: Releasing Perfection. And sign up to receive weekly tips on how to live more intentionally through our Live Inside Out Facebook Community.

The Journey, a blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey to life balance and living life from the inside out, comes out weekly.

Graphic: Designed by my good friend Bella Guzman with High Wire Creative.

Dancing with the Devil

The “devil” –if he lives—is our own negative thought patterns dragging us through the dirt into a self-created hell. Whether we choose or refuse this dance is fortunately up to us. Anonymous

Have you ever had something really “bad” happen and then right on its heels, other “bad” things keep happening? And then, you find yourself just waiting--or maybe even seeking out--the next roadblock in your path?

This recently happened to me. I just permanently lost ten years of intellectual property including a book manuscript from a remote back-up hard drive (this was the only copy). From there, things seem to keep getting worse. At the same time I was engaged in this drama, I was also observing my own thinking. It was as if a part of me was saying “Come on Universe—is that all you’ve got?! You can do better than that! Bring it on!”

Can you relate?

This negative downward spiraling thinking can be quite seductive (just look at Van Gogh), but it’s the dance of despair. I remember being a young girl and watching my mom engage in this two-step quite often—it was truly like a watching a runaway train.

It’s quite easy to pull up a chair and feast at the all-you-can-eat negative thought buffet and focus on what is going wrong rather than what is going right. (Many psychologists will argue that this is our natural orientation.)

But it’s exhausting. And, it gets old really fast.

So this morning, after my slew of “bad luck,” I became tired of this game and challenged myself to come up with three things that are really going “right” in my life right now. Simple, but it works. (And usually I can easily come up with more than three!)

This exercise helped me gain perspective and remember, oh yeah, emotions are like clouds. If I'm feeling discomfort in the moment, hang tight. The weather forecast is due to change shortly!

So my dance with the devil has ended for now. He’ll have to go find another gullible partner. I’m moving on.

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The Journey, a blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey to life balance and living life from the inside out, comes out weekly.

Photo: The merry-go-round in the Boston Commons. It's goes round and round, just like our negative thinking. Will you get off or stay on?

Don't Be Afraid of Your Shadow

Traditionally the days before my Jan. 7th birthday are often the darkest days of the year for me. I often get sick—which is rare—and any anxieties, worries or fears that might have been buried over the past year, surface like long forgotten relatives.

I used to cringes with discomfort when these feelings came on (I am an optimist and am blessed with a high “happiness set point” the majority of the time).

But this year, I sat and had tea with my shadow (a psychological term introduced by Jung that encompasses everything in us that is unconscious, repressed, undeveloped and denied; the dark rejected aspects of our being). And although I could have easily “justified” my unhappiness with a long list of socially acceptable woes, I didn’t even try.

Some of the gifts that came from this insightful--though not delightful--time, include:
• The opportunity to dive inward and experience deep reflection (essential for well-being and balance; you can subscribe and read more about balance from the inside out in my upcoming January life balance newsletter)
• The chance to ask for help—to be reminded we’re interdependent and help is always there if we just reach out and allow others to see our vulnerability
• A powerful opportunity to experience contrast—between really feeling good and feeling crappy—and to acknowledge gratitude for the ability to experience joy
• That this is essential housekeeping—clean out the old and make space for the new (my theme for the New Year is wide open—more to come on this in my January career strategy newsletter)
• It allows us—if we choose—to practice trusting and knowing that "this too shall pass"
• The opportunity to ask the question “what are we de-pressing that is trying to surface?" (my wise brother who navigates a wide spectrum of moods believes depression comes on when we're de-pressing something that is trying to come to light)
• We get to visit the most unpopular vacation destination known to man--“the unknown”--and realize that's it not as bad as the brochures lead us to believe
• The chance to revisit old stuck patterns and thoughts--repetitive worries or fears—and to ask if we’re ready to find a new dance partner?

Now on the other side of the moat, I realize that more than anything, I am grateful to have the opportunity to pause. To reflect. And to realize that if my thinking, perspective, relationships or career/business course is heading in a direction that doesn’t feel right, I have the ability to re-set my GPS and pick a different route. At any time. Thank God.

AN INVITATION: Interested in experiencing more balance in 2010 and tapping into the power of self-care? Learn how you can join or become trained to lead a self-renewal circle for women. And, view all upcoming events, including our highly popular, bi-annual Jan. 29th The Career Strategy Workshop here.

Also, visit Live Inside Out to register for our Jan. 21st FREE evening teleclass on Managing Your Energy and Saying No. And sign up to receive weekly tips on how to live more intentionally through our Live Inside Out Facebook Community.

The Journey, a blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey to life balance and living life from the inside out, comes out weekly.

Photo: My son and I on top of Enchanted Rock (a giant pink granite dome in the Texas Hill Country) on Jan. 2nd, celebrating the arrival of the New Year.

Going Inward (or Outward)?

I feel like the "push me pull you" animal from Dr. Doolittle's world today.

I have a deep desire to be introspective, reflective and go inward today as I review 2009, think about what I learned over the past year and begin to open up to 2010 and what's next.

But I also keep getting work emails, calls and requests for help that are tapping me on the shoulder for a response (I'm technically on vacation until Jan. 6th, but being self-employed requires me to flex work/play a lot).

Can you relate (even if you're at work today)?

I alwasy have to remind myself that winter and the period up until my Jan. 7th birthday has always personally been a ripe period for new insights. And these come only when I unplug, stop working and allow myself to really revel in reflecting, dreaming, creative play and pondering whatever has been stewing in my subconscious for the past 12 months.

I just re-read my blog post on Rythms from this time last year, where I share how difficult it can be to create space to go inward in January, when society is telling us to GEAR UP FOR THE NEW YEAR!!!!!

What are your rhythms telling you you need right now? If you were an animal today, what would you be? I'm going to put the "push me pull you" out to pasture and go work on my vision map for 2010 and then take a nap. Maybe you should do the same?

AN INVITATION: Interested in learning how to connect with your rhythms and tap into the power of self-care? Learn how you can join or become trained to lead a self-renewal circle for women. And, view all upcoming events here.

Also, visit Live Inside Out to listen to past Live Inside Out teleclasses or to sign up to receive weekly tips on how to live more intentionally through our Live Inside Out Facebook Community.

The Journey, a blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey to life balance and living life from the inside out, comes out weekly.

Balancing Feelings

I lost my mom suddenly and unexpectedly in 2000—thirty days before my wedding day. She was 60 when she died. If she were still alive, today would have been her 70th birthday.

For some reason, this year in particular feels especially tender.

I’ve noticed as I get older (I’ll be 44 in a few weeks), that aging seems to soften how we view people and places. Things that used to bother us, don’t seem so important any more. The places where we feel the sharp, jagged edges of painful memories we thought we’d never be able to release—are beginning to blur and fade. Our hearts feel more open, more ready to forgive. We have more clarity around what really matters.

I used to struggle with all the mixed feelings I have around my mom (an amazing artist, musician and medical professional who battled depression most of her life); all the unfinished business we never got to work through.

But as I move into the second half of my life, I am more at ease around all my feelings related to my mom. Both the incredible explosive light and the dark, scary shadow. And the polarity (read more) and range of emotions I feel around her, doesn’t bother me so much anymore. I'm able to just be with this spectrum of feelings.

I believe we’re all doing the best we can at any given moment. How do I know what it felt like to walk her path?

If my mom were alive today, I think—and hope—she would have moved into a place of being more forgiving and gentle with herself. And that she’d be proud of me and my passion for helping other women find this place within themselves, as well.

Happy Birthday Juliana. I love you and thank you for the many gifts you shared with me. I would not being doing the work I am doing today were it not for you.

AN INVITATION: Interested in learning how to be more forgiving with yourself and tapping into the power of self-care? Learn how you can join or become trained to lead a self-renewal circle for women. And, view all upcoming events here.

Also, visit Live Inside Out to listen to past Live Inside Out teleclasses or to sign up to receive weekly tips on how to live more intentionally through our Live Inside Out Facebook Community.

The Journey, a blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey to life balance and living life from the inside out, comes out weekly.

Photo: My mom and dad leaving the hospital right after my birth, Houston, TX, 1966.

Your Stillpoint

Last week, over the course of several days, we received a handful of emails and phone calls from entrepreneur clients and colleagues sharing the news that their start-up businesses were not where they needed to be financially at year-end and they would be seeking employment in 2010 to supplement their income until their small businesses grew legs.

While none of them were overjoyed about this decision, most had come to this place not from fear, but from the realization that this was what was necessary right now. They were accepting—rather than fighting—“what is,” (Byron Katie believes that the root of all suffering is caused by arguing with reality): too many expenses, not enough income.

As all my entrepreneur clients know, I’m also a big believer in focusing on what is possible—thinking big, expansively and opening yourself up to success and opportunities beyond your wildest dreams.

Sounds like two opposite ends of the spectrum, huh?

For over a week now, I’ve been playing with the concept of living in polarity.

Can you hold a big space for expansiveness/possibility/unbelievable abundance for your life, career or business AND be with “what is”—which for some may currently include incredible financial stress, mounting bills, navigating the unknown and dancing with your shadow?

Is it possible to really be with both of these experiences at the same time? Where is the “still point” for you—that quiet space in between the two extremes? And how do you get there?

Many believe the ability to hold both—to hang out in the stillpoint—is the key to accessing the wisdom and solutions we desire. You’ve heard the Einstein quote “problems are not solved on the level at which they are created?”

I’m going to keep playing with the concept of polarity this month and exploring this in all areas of my life-- relationships, money, parenting, health, my businesses—in all the places where dual realities exist.

Who knows, maybe I’ll find the stillpoint and access answers that just might blow my mind. Willing to play along with me?

AN INVITATION: Interested in slowing down, receiving ongoing emotional support and tapping into the power of self-care? Learn how you can join or become trained to lead a self-renewal circle for women. And, view all upcoming events here.

Also, visit Live Inside Out to listen to past Live Inside Out teleclasses or to sign up to receive weekly tips on how to live more intentionally through our Live Inside Out Facebook Community.

The Journey, a blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey to life balance and living life from the inside out, comes out weekly.

Photo: a painting I created during an Intuitive Arts Painting Class with www.FireTreeStudios.com.

Overwhelm

I define life balance as having enough time, energy and resources for those things that are most important to me.

So is feeling overwhelmed—the suitor currently knocking on my door asking for a dance-- what happens when this is not the case?

I’m sure many of you can relate: I just returned home from a full five-day conference to pressing work deadlines, staff transitions to support, hundreds of emails and phone calls, a house that looks like a tornado just blew through it and a husband and child who desperately need to reconnect with me (forget the stack of unaddressed holiday cards waiting to be sent out, my son’s repeated requests to put up a Christmas tree TODAY or the extended family email chain heatedly discussing “how to celebrate Christmas” that awaits my reply).

I was coached in the mid-nineties by a presence coach on the relationship between thought and mood (ex: feeling anxious or upset—what thoughts preceded these emotions? ...feeling sad or depressed, what is your dominant internal “mantra?”).

I get that I create stress or overwhelm based on my thinking and perception of a situation. It doesn’t happen to me. And I also understand that it’s easy for all of us to tap into a greater “collective overwhelm,” particularly this time of year (read more on this in my December life balance newsletter). And, I also believe that we’re simply all trying to do too much.

But the holidays can be particularly challenging (I’m remembering now how much my mom disliked the holidays and how stressed out she used to get this time of year. Think there is a connection there? Nahhh.)

As I move through my day and week and become more aware of my thinking (and firmly but respectfully asking Monsieur Overwhelm to go knock on our neighbor’s door, my dance card is full), I remember one of the most important teachings I learned from my presence coach.

When I felt like I was swimming in a sea of stress, she would remind me to just breathe. Slow down. Listen to my body’s internal rhythm. And know that the peace I desire is right here, right now. In the present moment. It’s been there all along.

"Unease, anxiety, tension, overwhelm, stress, worry — all forms of fear — are caused by too much future, and not enough presence. Guilt, regret, resentment, grievances, sadness, bitterness, and all forms of nonforgiveness are caused by too much past, and not enough presence" Eckhart Tolle, author, The Power of Now

AN INVITATION: Interested in slowing down, being more present and tapping into the power of self-care? Learn how you can join or become trained to lead a self-renewal circle for women. And, view all upcoming events here.

Also, visit Live Inside Out to listen to past Live Inside Out teleclasses or to sign up to receive weekly tips on how to live more intentionally through our Live Inside Out Facebook Community.

The Journey, a blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey to life balance and living life from the inside out, comes out weekly.

Photo courtesy of istockphoto.com.

We're All Connected

“We have flown the air like birds and swum the sea like fishes, but have yet to learn the simple act of walking the earth like brothers.” - Martin Luther King, Jr.

Growing up with my six siblings, the phrase we often heard from my mom as we navigated various life circumstances, was “How do you think that makes him (or her) feel?”

Whether it was extending kindness to the harried checker at the grocery store, stopping to share a friendly word with the overworked postman or offering food to the immigrant family of eleven we met through my father’s work—my parents were always challenging us to feel what it’s like to be in another person’s shoes, and ultimately to feel how connected we all are.

Last Saturday, I attended defensive driving for a speeding ticket. While sitting in a room with men and women of all ages from all walks of life, I challenged myself to find our sameness. I’m sure we shared many things, but in the moment, our strongest bond was that we all wanted to be somewhere else rather than sitting in this classroom on a Saturday (but we made the best of it!).

This past week my son and I volunteered at a local shelter preparing and serving a delicious meal to hundreds of homeless people. When we left at the end of our shift and walked through the long line of people still waiting for food, my son and I talked about what we all have in common: enjoyment and nourishment through lovingly prepared food.

On Thanksgiving morning, my husband son and I headed down to the Barton Creek Greenbelt and hiked along the banks of the rushing waters through the quiet green paths—nodding hello to the occasional fellow hiker and feeling our kinship through our obvious appreciation for nature.

And during this past holiday, as we gathered with my extended family for our holiday meal—acknowledging our various food and lifestyle preferences—it was clear what we all desired: meaningful connection with one another.

Having coached thousands of men and women from all life stages and socioeconomic backgrounds-- including the JC Penney salesman who made $8/hour and the 300K/year software executive—I have witnessed people’s collective and deepest longing: to be heard, to know they matter, to make a difference and to feel recognized for their contributions. (I've also seen this in our hundreds of Personal Renewal Groups.)

I know in every fiber of my being that we’re much more connected than any of us realize.

Have you heard the analogy that we’re all droplets in the ocean--we just don’t remember that collectively we are the ocean?

I’m going to keep challenging myself on a regular basis to seek out our sameness, our connectedness—even in the most bizarre, uncomfortable or unlikely circumstances.

And, I’m going to do my best to remember that even though our surfboards might look a little different, we’re all cresting and falling in the same sea.

AN INVITATION: Interested in experiencing meaningful connection with others and tapping into the power of self-care? Learn how you can join or become trained to lead a self-renewal circle for women. Our introductory offer for PRG Facilitator Training ends Dec. 1. And, view all upcoming events here.

Also, visit Live Inside Out to listen to our Nov. 17th Live Inside Out class on Building a Support System or sign up to receive weekly tips on how to live more intentionally through our Live Inside Out Facebook Community.

The Journey, a blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey to life balance and living life from the inside out, comes out weekly.

Video: Renee Peterson Trudeau. The Gulf of Mexico, spring 2009.

Honoring Your Rhythms

This was an incredibly full weekend (I helped promote and led a workshop for a wonderful girls empowerment conference, supported artist friends at a community event, attended our annual school fund raiser and had the honor of hosting a 50th birthday Blessingway for a good friend).

I am pooped.

I feel like crawling back into bed with a big steaming mug of hot team, curling up with a good book and staying in sweats all day. Maybe I will. At the least, I’m certainly not going to have a typical Monday—usually my busiest work day.

I’ve learned over the years how important it is for me to listen to my body and spirit’s internal rhythms. Many days I have boundless energy and can get eight hours worth of work done in two. Other days, I feel like I'm moving through molasses and have to attune to what is essential, what must be done and then let everything else wait while I shift down into first gear.

I trust my body's rhythms and cycles. I’ve learned that pushing always backfires. Listening to and working in harmony with my body and spirit always proves fruitful.

It’s taken me a long time to allow myself to respond to my needs. But now that I do, there is no other way to live.

P.S. FREE SUPPORT RESOURCES: Who is holding a big space for what’s possible for you in 2010? Read more. And, if you’d like to receive my life balance newsletter tomorrow on Your Money or Your Life sign up here. Hope you can join us Tuesday evening (11/17) for our next Live Inside Out class via telephone on Building Your Support System--register here.

AN INVITATION: Interested in how you can connect to your rhythms and tap into the power of self-care? Learn how you can join or become trained to lead a self-renewal circle for women. And, view all upcoming events here.

Also, visit Live Inside Out and sign up to receive weekly tips on how to live more intentionally by becoming a fan on our Live Inside Out Facebook page.

The Journey, a blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey to life balance and living life from the inside out, comes out weekly.

Photo: Renee Peterson Trudeau. An apricot tree in the Davis Mountains (TX).

Stress=Living in the Future

Years ago I remember being in a workshop with Richard Carlson, a gifted teacher, father and the author of Slowing Down to the Speed of Life, Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff (It’s All Small Stuff) and many other best-selling titles.

He used to speak a lot about stress reduction and experiencing enhanced well-being through slowing down and living in the moment. Someone in the audience asked him how in the world he did this when last year he had presented at 200 conferences (do the math!).

His response, “I don’t think about where I have to be on Friday, next week or the following month. I simply take a taxi to the airport. I sit and wait for the plane. I get on the plane. I de-board. I take a taxi to the hotel. I present my talk. I go back to my room to sleep. I take a taxi back to the airport ......and on I go.”

His point being that he was able to maintain such an intense schedule because he didn’t dwell on the past or become overwhelmed by the future. He stayed in the present moment.

When we’re fully present. Fully here, right now. Aware of our breath and being in our bodies, there is no stress. (Try it.) It’s thinking about our insane to-do lists and everything that lies before us that throws us over the edge.

I take this lesson to heart today as I look at my incredibly too-full week of deadlines, meetings, events and personal/school obligations and remember Richard’s wise teaching.

And I breathe. And, move forward purposefully. Grateful to be doing work I love, serving others and knowing stress is really an inside-out job. A choice.

I know Richard, who passed away suddenly in 2006 a month after he endorsed my upcoming book, would smile if heard this. And would encourage all of us to slow down and trust that everything that’s really important will get done. But, it’s up to us how we choose to experience the journey.

AN INVITATION: Interested in how you can live more in the present and tap into the power of self-care? Join us Oct.29 for our FREE Live Inside Out class via telephone. Sign up here! Or, learn how you can join or become trained to lead a self-renewal circle for women. View all upcoming events here.

Also, visit Live Inside Out and sign up to receive weekly tips on how to live more intentionally by becoming a fan on our Live Inside Out Facebook page.

The Journey, a blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey to life balance and living life from the inside out, comes out weekly.

Photo: Renee Peterson Trudeau. High plains of New Mexico. This beautiful plant clearly enjoyed soaking up the present moment as much as we did.

Are You “In Integrity” with Yourself?

If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away. Henry David Thoreau

Recently I attended a wellness conference with women from around the U.S. On our lunch break, I joined a group of women sitting outside on the grass. Most of the women were in their thirties and forties and married with kids.

When I joined the group, they were in the midst of discussing marital infidelity. A couple of the women shared they had recently had ongoing intimate online exchanges with ex-boyfriends and the “cyber dating” was heating up. The group was going back and forth on whether or not this was “cheating.” I sat and observed the discussion and reflected silently on this topic.

Suddenly, one of the women asked me what I thought. I paused for a long time. Finally, I shared that when I’m grappling with a question like this, I do an “inner check-in” and ask myself if I feel the action is “in integrity” with who I am? And 100% of the time, I get the answer right away.

The group got very quiet. Some nodded knowingly, as answers surfaced for them, as well.

Often if the issue I’m examining is really big and I want to make sure that my actions are in alignment, I’ll ask the following three questions:

What is my motivation for this action (truly)?
Am I acting from a place of fear or love?
Is this action reflective of my highest self?

I think for most of us “being in integrity with self” is often an hour to hour or day to day challenge. Or sometimes, we're so "asleep," we're not even aware we're out of alignment.

I’ve bumped up against a lot of people lately who are making choices based on fear. And, it’s challenged me to access my deepest compassion and to give others the benefit of the doubt. Because, ultimately, I believe we all want to be in balance, in alignment and “in integrity” with the highest and best in each of us.

AN INVITATION: Interested in how you can reconnect with your highest self and tap into the power of self-care? Consider starting/joining one of our women's self-renewal circlesor joining us Oct.29 for our FREE Live Inside Out class via telephone. Sign up here. View all upcoming events here.

Also, visit Live Inside Out and sign up to receive weekly tips on how to live more intentionally by becoming a fan on our Live Inside Out Facebook page.

The Journey, a blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey to life balance and living life from the inside out, comes out weekly.

Photo: Renee Peterson Trudeau. Henry David Thoreau's headstone, Sleep Hollow Cemetery, Concord MA.