Exquisite Self-Care

Last night we had some friends over for dinner and I ate something that I’ve been off of for about six weeks. And, it made me feel like crap. My husband would say—since my dairy and wheat intolerances manifest as emotional disequilibrium---I acted like crap, too!

This morning I woke up really thinking about the concept of exquisite self care. Not plain, vanilla, just doing the basics to feel good self-care (although this is essential). But really discerning, attuning and responding to my deepest needs and desires. Treating myself with the utmost care, love and tenderness.

For me this week, this would look like:

-abstaining from wheat and dairy and making sure my diet is diverse, nutrient/energy rich, delicious and I stay very hydrated

-attending my good friend’s Daring Divas dance class and connecting with the women in this vibrant community---no matter how busy my schedule looks

-appreciating and supporting my partner and taking time to be present with him/his challenges (this always comes back to me a hundred fold!)

-going to bed NO MATTER WHAT by 9:30 p.m. on the weeknights (after 44 years, I’ve finally figured out my very best sleep happens before midnight)

-getting outside to enjoy the amazing 71 degree weather at the park with my son, even though I’ve got mounds of work at the office (no worries, the important stuff always gets done)

-paying attention to my personal rhythms, ebbs and flows—trusting that I will be guided to know how/when/where to best take action at work and at home

-returning the expensive, but uncomfortable sheets I bought this past summer that don’t support me in having optimal sleep (I know, Princess and the Pea, but sleep is really key for me!)

My husband and son are going on a camping trip this weekend. Pause. I think I hear some whoops from the parents who know how delicious and rare it is to have time alone in your house when your beloved family is away!

In the past, my usual MO would have been to rush into planning mode—filling all my waking hours with lunches, walks, get-togethers and non-stop social activities with friends. But today, I’m really challenging myself to slow down. To go inward and ask, “What would exquisite self-care look and feel like this weekend?” And who knows what the response will be.

It might look like cleaning out my garage, sitting for a couple of hours and coloring mandalas, blasting some blues and dancing in my living room, going on a vigorous walk/run or sitting on my back porch swing soaking up the decadence of unscheduled time. I have no idea.

But, I do plan on choosing how I spend this time very intentionally. Really reveling in this concept of what exquisite self-care might look and feel like to me.

I’ve learned that not only is self-care crucial to our well-being, to our sustenance, to feeling “alive”—more and more, it’s become my spiritual practice.

Because I find that when I listen and respond to the whispers in my heart about what I most need to love, nurture and nourish my physical and emotional well-being, I feel more connected to my Source, to God. Often, if I listen closely, it’s as if I can hear an invisible voice cheering me on, saying, “Yes, this is how you’re supposed to live--how you were intended to live. You are worthy and deserving of this level of care. And, when you honor and love yourself, you honor and love me, your Source.”

And I believe that sense of interconnectedness is what most of us live for. I know it is for me.

FIND YOUR TRIBE, ATTEND A RETREAT/WORKSHOP OR JOIN THE DIALOGUE: Would you like to experience connection and community and receive support from like-minded women? Join or become trained to facilitate a Personal Renewal Group, visit our calendar to learn more about upcoming events including our November 5th One-Day Reflect, Reclaim, Re-Balance Women's One-Day Self-Renewal Retreat and our FREE October 14th Live Inside Out teleclass on Being More Present and Remembering What Matters.

Also, check out our Live Inside Out community and read how people are living more intentionally.

The Journey, a blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey to life balance and living life from the inside out, comes out weekly.

Photo: A desert flower in an oasis in Big Bend National Park, one of the places my soul gets nourished.

When I Fill My Cup First

I spoke last week to a group of career coaches. Most of them were women. And, many of them came up to me after the presentation and wanted to talk about self-care.

I encouraged them to consider joining a Personal Renewal Group, attending one my spring retreats, or just taking some time each week for themselves. Most responded “I really need that, but I just don’t have the time …the money …the support from my family ….the space on my calendar.” And others simply said “Yes, I know it’s what I need but …..” and they looked down at their feet or across the room, as if I’d just suggested they climb Mount Everest.

Last month two of my girlfriends had extended breaks from their families/young children (their husbands were traveling with their kids). When I ran into them during this break, they were absolutely glowing. They had a sense of levity, aliveness and joy that I hadn’t witnessed in a while. It wasn’t that they had miserable lives or didn’t love being around their kids, but this break had helped them re-charge, reconnect with their essence and enjoy the incredible gift of being able to listen –and respond to—their needs.

Can you remember a time when you’ve had a break and felt the same way?

It’s been ten years since I first started focusing on my self-care. Sometimes I try and remember what it was like when I just pushed through my day, never pausing to check in with my needs. And, never believing that I was worthy of self-nurturance and self-compassion.

I know that my life now is not perfect and everyday is a learning experience, but my commitment to listening to and caring for my sweet self is so strong, I can’t imagine any other way. And, I know that I’m a radically different—and better---mother, sister, wife, employer and friend because of it.

If you’re in Texas (or have friends who are), I strongly encourage you to join me for a rare treat on Thursday, Feb. 18th in Austin for a FREE event. I’ll be facilitating an Evening of Self-Renewal and will be introducing this profound and sacred practice which has changed who I am. Bring a photo (see details) and come prepared to experience a shift in how you feel and think about yourself.

AN INVITATION: Interested in exploring and tapping into the power of self-care? Learn how you can join or become trained to lead a self-renewal circle for women. And, view all upcoming events--including March 26th and April 23-25 spring renewal retreats--here.

Also, visit Live Inside Out to register for our Feb. 23rd FREE evening teleclass on Good is Good Enough: Releasing Perfection. And sign up to receive weekly tips on how to live more intentionally through our Live Inside Out Facebook Community.

The Journey, a blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey to life balance and living life from the inside out, comes out weekly.

Photo: Flora in the Berkshire Mountains at Kripalu (where I'll be leading an August Self-Renewal Retreat Aug. 13-15).

Living Inside-Out

Every morning on the way to driving my son to school, I take a few minutes to set an intention for the day (i.e. I am wise and focused or I relax into an easy flow). I also invite my seven-year old to do the same. We’ve been doing this since he was about three.

This morning, when I asked him what kind of day he wanted to experience, he responded, “I wish you had a different personality. I can’t believe you think you can actually decide what kind of day you want to have?! You don’t know what’s going to happen around you!” (For those of you who have kids, he’s about to turn eight and in disequilibrium right now!)

Last Friday I had led a career strategy/planning workshop for men/women in their 30s-60s, from various professional backgrounds. I have been leading this workshop since 2005, so it’s very interesting to watch how the economy/job market affects people’s perceptions as they navigate career transitions, job searches and career changes.

A predominant theme during our highly interactive, exercise-based seminar—which challenged participants to reflect on what they want at this life stage, their personal brand, their work “non-negotiables,” and self-limiting beliefs around career/money—was the realization that we’re living in strange times. (There was definitely a lot more belly-button gazing going on than in the past!)

And whether we’re ready or not, we’re being challenged to get clear on what matters most, what our values are and what is in our “heart of hearts.”

Our old model that “appeared” to work for many –relying on a stable job, a robust 401K, retail therapy and the illusion of safety to bring us happiness—turns out, we’re realizing, is a house of cards.

So, if we can’t count on our external safety blankets to enhance our sense of peace and well-being, where does that leave us?

Possibly with an invitation to look at what it might mean—or be like—to live life from the inside-out, rather than the outside-in (read more).

And, even though as my seven-year old says, “you don’t know what is going to happen you,” I’m going to continue to believe that I do have power over my moment-to-moment experience by approaching life from the inside-out. And remembering that I can choose whether to take a scowl or bad driving personally or whether to stay steadfast in my belief that the “Universe is conspiring in my favor.”

Inside-out or outside-in, we’re all riding this see-saw together. Let’s keep the conversation alive on how we can all live more intentionally.

P.S. In case you missed it, check out my January Life Balance newsletter where I share the surprising revelation that a new PDA ultimately had no impact on how “balanced” professionals felt in 2009. Turns out, it’s all an inside-out-job ... read more.

AN INVITATION: Interested in experiencing more balance in 2010 and tapping into the power of self-care? Learn how you can join or become trained to lead a self-renewal circle for women. And, view all upcoming events--including spring renewal retreats--here.

Also, visit Live Inside Out to register for our Feb. 23rd FREE evening teleclass on Good is Good Enough: Releasing Perfection. And sign up to receive weekly tips on how to live more intentionally through our Live Inside Out Facebook Community.

The Journey, a blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey to life balance and living life from the inside out, comes out weekly.

Graphic: Designed by my good friend Bella Guzman with High Wire Creative.

Support

As much as I am an advocate of asking for and receiving help (and getting support), I stumble often and see how natural my tendency is to still go it alone.

Recently I had the luxury of meeting with an amazing executive coach about honing a professional skill. Just sitting across from her, having someone totally focused on my needs, who is present and 100% supportive, felt simply amazing!!

I think a lot of my friends/colleagues can relate. We know help is there and how different we feel when we're supported (rather than out in open waters in a rowboat alone), yet we still resist asking for help as often as we should.

Interestingly, more and more studies are coming out about what the physiological and emotional benefits are of having a support network.

And none of us will argue that having a robust support system can have a huge impact on how you experience day-to-day life.

Research shows that individuals with strong support systems (from the Guide):
• are more effective at work and at home (they feel as if they have a team behind them

and that they’re not all alone)
• keep resolutions, particularly those involving their health and physical well-being
• weather personal and professional challenges more easily
• are less likely to feel overwhelmed and find it easier to maintain perspective
• stay healthier on all levels—mentally, physically and emotionally
• are less likely to feel isolated (isolation can lead to feelings of despair and failure)
• experience less stress and burnout
• have children who are comfortable asking for and receiving support and help from others

So, what about you? Do you find it hard to ask for help or are you fully supported in all areas of your life (and if yes—share your secrets with the rest of us who are still struggling with this!)?

My recent experience with my coach certainly has encouraged me to look at all areas of my life and see where I’m lacking support.

Why go it alone? I really believe we’d all benefit from becoming more interdependent.