Mothering

I attended a really wonderful "active art" event last night in Austin in honor of Mother's Day, called Mothering: The Act Of. The evening was the brainchild of my creative friends Lynn and Aimee. We were asked to reflect on Mothering as an act (who mothers us, who we mother, how we mother ourselves). Here some of the posts from the event (there was a live blog set up all evening as well as many other interactive art projects): http://theactofmothering.blogspot.com/.
I ended up writing (or rather scribbling) a short piece that came to me early Sunday morning at the coast. Like many, I didn't have a Hallmark card mother and have a wide range of feelings around the most important woman in my life.

What came to me though (rather strongly through a dream about my grandmother), was GRATITUDE. For the many gifts my mom did give me (both directly and indirectly) and how these "presents" initiated gifts I have bestowed upon myself.

Gratitude
You gave me compassion for others. I gave me compassion for self.

You stressed the importance of achieving. I feel the importance of being.

You nurtured my strong mind. I learned to nurture my tender heart.

You taught me the importance of service to others. I learned to serve without sacrificing myself.

You introduced me to the shadow. I have learned to embrace ALL of me.

You fed me with music, art and philosophy. I have learned how important it is to share these gifts with others.

You gave me a love for good food and cooking. I’ve learned to love myself by eating foods that truly nourish me.

You instilled in me ways to cope and survive. I learned how to build community and thrive.

You gave me independence. I gave myself permission to ask for and receive help.

You showed me the absolutely necessity for self-care. I embraced self-care and made it part of my day-to-day life.

You taught me to be a seeker. I learned I don't need to know all the answers.

You instilled in me the desire to find God. I’ve come to know God dwells within.

You taught me how to open my mind and be accepting of others. I’ve learned how essential it is that above all else—I love and accept myself.

Notes from Mother’s Day 2008 ...scribbles from an early Sunday morning on the Gulf Coast.

I am 42, my mother Juliana died suddenly from congestive heart failure in 2000, 30 days before my wedding day. She was mother to seven children, an artist, musician, nurse and teacher. And, she battled clinical depression for more than 30 years.

People

I love meeting, learning about, listening to, watching and studying people. I think the human experience is fascinating.

My husband and son and I attended an amazing arts festival in San Antonio, TX yesterday set on the grounds of a 150-year old convent. There were people there of all shapes, sizes, colors, ages, all soaking up great food, aguas frescas, amazing art from around the U.S. incredible music and shade from century-old oak trees.

The three of us relaxed on the grass and rested near a beautiful 7-foot tall stone waterfall sculpture. Nearby, families laughed and squabbled, couples kissed, talked and drank beer and children ran every which way.

I love people and my work as a career and life balance coach over the last nine years has opened up and expanded my heart like I could have never imagined. Hearing executives, artists, sales directors, public policy advocates, moms, software developers and HR leaders share their insecurities, vulnerabilities and fears around their careers and lives, really makes you realize we’re all “one” and truly desire the same things in our lives (once we’re able to get in touch with this).

I’ve had some really difficult—yet amazing—learning experiences lately with people (really whom I barely knew), that have taught me a lot about how I see people: what I call my lens or filter for how I choose to view and interact with those around me.

My husband calls my view a “positive prejudice.” What makes me a really good coach—my ability to hold possibility/potential for others and to be very caring, acccessible & open—sometimes affects me adversely in my day-to-day interactions.

I always expect the best from people and I tend to expect their interactions with me to be on the level at which I interact with them, rather than just meeting them where they’re at. I also have a naturally compassionate orientation, which often spills over into all my interactions with people—regardless of how well I know someone.

I’ve really had some “ah-has” lately around this and how this “positive prejudice” (for lack of a better word) impacts my life. Don’t worry, I’m not becoming cynical or losing hope or optimism, but am I becoming more observant and aware about my patterns.

I think we all have general biases (even if they’re very subtle) about how we tend to think about everything--particularly people. I have some friends who tend to be distrustful or cynical about others, some who think everyone is always asking “what’s in it for me?”, some who tend to always feel inferior—or superior—to their neighbors, some who feel we’re all here to help each other and others who feel as if we're all essentially in our own lifeboats, fighting and struggling to make our way in the world.

What is your lens for how you view others? Before you say, “I wait to get to know people to make any observations,” I’d challenge that belief. Most of us have a general orientation towards the world and toward others. People are ....... (fill in the blank). What is your filter and how does it affect your life experiences (one-on-one and in groups)?

Photo above: Melissa Winkler/The IRC. Women in the Democratic Republic of Congo where this is a horrible war being waged against women. Visit www.theirc.org to learn more about how you can help.

Compassion

Countryside, County Clare, Ireland

Things feel very much like they did post-911 right now (at least career-wise). My clients, friends and men and women I meet through public speaking engagements, seem to feel less sure, less grounded and fearful (if not anxious) about the road before us. Many also share a sense that everything feels very speeded up, that things are moving too fast.

If I were asked “what is one quality you think would be serve the world right now?” my word would be compassion.

I heard a radio interview this morning with a well-known author who said he believes many of us are experiencing “empathy deficit” disorder, due to being overly focused on seeking pleasure or relief from external things and not being connected to those around us.

I find I’m able to really shift when I’m going through a hard time, simply by being more compassionate towards myself. And, when I can move beyond “walking in my brother’s shoes” into feeling true compassion for what they might be experiencing—regardless of their crazy or abrasive behavior--my perspective moves to a different plane altogether.

I have the privilege of getting to serve men and women daily by supporting them on their career path. My clients show up “warts and all”—feeling gratitude for the opportunity to be seen for who they really are. In turn, I am able to hold a space of “possibility” for them and extend deep compassion for their courage in taking risks, asking for/receiving help, being vulnerable, living with "not knowing,"and wanting to experience and be something greater than that which they can currently imagine.

Compassion can also manifest in the smallest ways—a warm smile for someone clearly struggling with kids at the grocery store, a genuine “how are you doing” to the clerk who helps you check out or even just taking time to really “see” a coworker, neighbor, teacher, parent, family member, child or employee who might feel—or are treated as if-- they’re invisible.

Mother Teresa said the fruit of love is service, which is compassion in action. I love that quote.

If you were to choose one quality to “gift” the world right now, what would it be?

Comment on the photo: This weekend, my six-year old decided to create a little “altar” in a corner of his bedroom. to honor qualities that were sacred to him (he heard about this idea from a great book called “Peaceful Piggy Meditation,” http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0807563803). One of the items he choe was a beautiful pink flower from our herb garden to symbolize kindness to others. It is amazing how something so “everyday”—when noticed from a new vantage point—can have such a powerful impact.

Enjoy the photo above that I took in County Clare, Ireland on the way to the seashore last summer.