Doing vs. Being

This is the time of year that many of us feel more like human doings than human beings.

Yesterday afternoon, my husband and son went out to work on costumes for one of my husband’s upcoming Samba School gigs.

I had been looking forward to this rare present all day: two to three hours of quiet time alone in my house!

After they left, I hopped online to take care of a few timely work-related items (rare for me as I try to stay offline on the weekends).

Forty-five-minutes later, I looked up and—irritated-- felt the sands of time sifting through my fingertips. My mind raced to all the things I had wanted to do during this window—gardening, hiking, baking, cleaning out my closet, “pure fun” reading, biking (it was gorgeous and sunny in Austin yesterday). And as I noticed all of these distractions waving and running by with hopeful smiles like contestants on the Price is Right, I found my irritation subsiding and realized what I really needed to “do”—was nothing at all.

Finally surrendering, I grabbed a Mexican blanket, headed out into our backyard, found the warmest, sunniest spot I could and laid down on the grass.

Can you relate to any of this?

I think there are three kinds of people:
1. Those who feel they have to “do” to be worthy (they’re constantly in motion; this was me up until about age 35)
2. Those who feel they need to “do their work” before they relax and play (I’m in this camp with millions of other Puritan work ethic devotees)
3. Those who have no guilt ever about relaxing and playing at any time! (My husband sleeps here—in his book “any time is the right time for relaxing!”)

The wonderful, wise author/mind-body expert Joan Borysenko, Ph.D. says, "Remember—your to-do list is immortal. It will live on long after you’re dead."

Being very skilled at the “doing dance,” I can honestly share that it’s quite seductive.

We’re rewarded –particularly in the U.S.—for output. Our national anthem is "Just Do It!" (You don’t hear anyone say, “Can you believe how often she says ‘no’ and how much she’s slowed down? Wow, what a role model!”)

There are many dangers that come from over-doing, but I think one of the deadliest—and scariest for me when I go into over-drive-- is we forget who we are.

I’ve heard many of our Career Strategists clients share in the last ten years “Isn’t there more? I feel like I just go to work, take care of the kids, handle my endless work/home obligations, sleep on the weekends and then start all over again Monday morning.”

When we don’t balance “doing” with “being,” we begin to feel like robots instead of the juicy, creative, vibrant, alive beings that we are.

And we forget that “Life is not a thing to be managed, it’s a mystery to be lived.”

I don’t know about you, but I’ll take pondering life's mysteries over finding a new way to cook chicken breasts, any day.

Onward through the week ... with a bit more mindful attention to balancing being with doing. The best I can.

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The Journey, a blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey and living life from the inside out, comes out weekly. (Note: This blog post appeared in a similar format in 2010. It is so timely, I had to share it again.)

Digesting

di•ges•tion (di jes′c̸hən, dī-);
noun; the absorption of ideas.

I recently listened to a radio interview with acclaimed historian Doris Kearns Goodwin, author of Team of Rivals: The Political Genius of Abraham Lincoln.

She said that when Franklin D. Roosevelt was putting together the New Deal, he would venture out on his sailboat--sometimes for ten days at a time--to contemplate the situation.

John F. Kennedy, she said, had three days to sit with Cuban Missile Crisis before he had to take action.

Obama, if he’s lucky, will have 20 minutes to be with breaking news regarding the war in Afghanistan before the world hears of it on CNN.

I remember working with a career coaching client a couple of years ago who had recently left a toxic corporate environment after ten years and was “in the void”—preparing for her next career phase. She told me she was sure if she could just have two weeks of downtime to process and heal from the scarring experience, she’d be good as new and ready to launch into a new endeavor.

I bumped into her the other day. She shared she was surprised that it had taken her a full 18 months to recover from her corporate experience and digest what she wanted to keep and expel what she didn’t.

My new friend Christine Hohlbaum, author of The Power of Slow and I were visiting recently. Christine agrees that we’re living in a culture that doesn’t encourage us to take time to sit, absorb and fully be with things.

I can’t get this idea out of my head.

What revelations might we all be missing because we’re yes, moving too fast, but also not creating big spaces of time in our lives to really allow ideas to deeply seep into our bones? To fully digest concepts that may surface, but are quickly swatted away, like pesky flies.

I am on a writing sabbatical this month. What that means, is I am devoting roughly 4 hours a day to sit with a theme that has been bubbling up for me for two years. For my personality, it would be very easy to slide into being focused, outcome-oriented and wanting to answer “what is this all leading to?” –but, I’m resisting this urge.

Because right now, I really get that this is a meal I don’t want to rush through.

I have just pulled up my chair and with the utmost of care, I plan to relish and enjoy one long course at a time. So I can truly digest whatever it is that is churning within.

However long it may take.

JOIN A GROUP, ATTEND A RETREAT/WORKSHOP OR DIALOGUE WITH ME: Would you like to receive support and encouragment as you navigate a transition? Join us in the cool Berkshire mountains in MA this coming August at the beautiful Kripalu Center for Yoga and Health for our Self-Renewal Retreat Aug. 13-15. One of my favorite spots on the planet and the retreat center that I visit when I'm ready to make a huge life shift! Visit our calendar to learn more about upcoming events including our FREE July 15th Live Inside Out teleclass on Nurturing Your Spirit.

Also, check out our Live Inside Out community and share how you create balance in your relationship.

The Journey, a blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey to life balance and living life from the inside out, comes out weekly.

Photo: My husband at Julia Pfeiffer State Park, Big Sur, CA. He has the amazing ability to observe, reflect and digest scenery for long periods of time.