When I Fill My Cup First

I spoke last week to a group of career coaches. Most of them were women. And, many of them came up to me after the presentation and wanted to talk about self-care.

I encouraged them to consider joining a Personal Renewal Group, attending one my spring retreats, or just taking some time each week for themselves. Most responded “I really need that, but I just don’t have the time …the money …the support from my family ….the space on my calendar.” And others simply said “Yes, I know it’s what I need but …..” and they looked down at their feet or across the room, as if I’d just suggested they climb Mount Everest.

Last month two of my girlfriends had extended breaks from their families/young children (their husbands were traveling with their kids). When I ran into them during this break, they were absolutely glowing. They had a sense of levity, aliveness and joy that I hadn’t witnessed in a while. It wasn’t that they had miserable lives or didn’t love being around their kids, but this break had helped them re-charge, reconnect with their essence and enjoy the incredible gift of being able to listen –and respond to—their needs.

Can you remember a time when you’ve had a break and felt the same way?

It’s been ten years since I first started focusing on my self-care. Sometimes I try and remember what it was like when I just pushed through my day, never pausing to check in with my needs. And, never believing that I was worthy of self-nurturance and self-compassion.

I know that my life now is not perfect and everyday is a learning experience, but my commitment to listening to and caring for my sweet self is so strong, I can’t imagine any other way. And, I know that I’m a radically different—and better---mother, sister, wife, employer and friend because of it.

If you’re in Texas (or have friends who are), I strongly encourage you to join me for a rare treat on Thursday, Feb. 18th in Austin for a FREE event. I’ll be facilitating an Evening of Self-Renewal and will be introducing this profound and sacred practice which has changed who I am. Bring a photo (see details) and come prepared to experience a shift in how you feel and think about yourself.

AN INVITATION: Interested in exploring and tapping into the power of self-care? Learn how you can join or become trained to lead a self-renewal circle for women. And, view all upcoming events--including March 26th and April 23-25 spring renewal retreats--here.

Also, visit Live Inside Out to register for our Feb. 23rd FREE evening teleclass on Good is Good Enough: Releasing Perfection. And sign up to receive weekly tips on how to live more intentionally through our Live Inside Out Facebook Community.

The Journey, a blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey to life balance and living life from the inside out, comes out weekly.

Photo: Flora in the Berkshire Mountains at Kripalu (where I'll be leading an August Self-Renewal Retreat Aug. 13-15).

Living Inside-Out

Every morning on the way to driving my son to school, I take a few minutes to set an intention for the day (i.e. I am wise and focused or I relax into an easy flow). I also invite my seven-year old to do the same. We’ve been doing this since he was about three.

This morning, when I asked him what kind of day he wanted to experience, he responded, “I wish you had a different personality. I can’t believe you think you can actually decide what kind of day you want to have?! You don’t know what’s going to happen around you!” (For those of you who have kids, he’s about to turn eight and in disequilibrium right now!)

Last Friday I had led a career strategy/planning workshop for men/women in their 30s-60s, from various professional backgrounds. I have been leading this workshop since 2005, so it’s very interesting to watch how the economy/job market affects people’s perceptions as they navigate career transitions, job searches and career changes.

A predominant theme during our highly interactive, exercise-based seminar—which challenged participants to reflect on what they want at this life stage, their personal brand, their work “non-negotiables,” and self-limiting beliefs around career/money—was the realization that we’re living in strange times. (There was definitely a lot more belly-button gazing going on than in the past!)

And whether we’re ready or not, we’re being challenged to get clear on what matters most, what our values are and what is in our “heart of hearts.”

Our old model that “appeared” to work for many –relying on a stable job, a robust 401K, retail therapy and the illusion of safety to bring us happiness—turns out, we’re realizing, is a house of cards.

So, if we can’t count on our external safety blankets to enhance our sense of peace and well-being, where does that leave us?

Possibly with an invitation to look at what it might mean—or be like—to live life from the inside-out, rather than the outside-in (read more).

And, even though as my seven-year old says, “you don’t know what is going to happen you,” I’m going to continue to believe that I do have power over my moment-to-moment experience by approaching life from the inside-out. And remembering that I can choose whether to take a scowl or bad driving personally or whether to stay steadfast in my belief that the “Universe is conspiring in my favor.”

Inside-out or outside-in, we’re all riding this see-saw together. Let’s keep the conversation alive on how we can all live more intentionally.

P.S. In case you missed it, check out my January Life Balance newsletter where I share the surprising revelation that a new PDA ultimately had no impact on how “balanced” professionals felt in 2009. Turns out, it’s all an inside-out-job ... read more.

AN INVITATION: Interested in experiencing more balance in 2010 and tapping into the power of self-care? Learn how you can join or become trained to lead a self-renewal circle for women. And, view all upcoming events--including spring renewal retreats--here.

Also, visit Live Inside Out to register for our Feb. 23rd FREE evening teleclass on Good is Good Enough: Releasing Perfection. And sign up to receive weekly tips on how to live more intentionally through our Live Inside Out Facebook Community.

The Journey, a blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey to life balance and living life from the inside out, comes out weekly.

Graphic: Designed by my good friend Bella Guzman with High Wire Creative.

Radical Self-Care

Are you willing to p*** people off in order to take care of yourself?

I just returned from our amazing Fall Self-Renewal Retreat at The Crossings with twenty wonderful women from around the U.S. (Look for more to come on our April 2010 retreat.) During one session, we explored what our “barriers to self-care” are: what keeps us from taking care of ourselves.

Many women shared that they were afraid of what others might think, they might ignite anger or irritation for taking a stand for their needs or they were afraid they might rock the boat by saying “no” to a request from someone else, so they could say “yes” to their physical/emotional/spiritual well-being.

Can you relate? I sure can.

Usually every Fall and Spring—our busiest times—I become extremely mindful of my time, energy and resources. And invariably, I have to end up saying no more often than yes, to things that truly feed me: new coaching clients (they can work with our amazing senior career coaches Angela and Sarina), opportunities for collaboration/projects with colleagues, starting new partnerships and friends/school social gatherings. Occasionally, I even change my mind and give myself permission to back out of previous commitments.

This used to be really hard for me. I love to help and serve others and have many gifts and talents which allow me to do so on a large scale—whether it’s supporting others to discover their life’s work, experience more balance, grow/expand their business, promote their amazing events/initiatives or remember who they really are.

But just because I can, doesn’t mean I should.

I am not willing to over-work, over-schedule, over-commit or over-extend in order to please others. And, when you commit to this path—which is often lonely—you will invariably p*** off some people along the way.

I took the hard road for the first thirty-something years of my life, but have finally learned that the person that I need to honor, nurture, respect and love above all--is me. And when I am kind, accepting and gentle towards her, everything else flows ...it's all good.

"Self-care is not about self-indulgence. It's about self-preservation." Audre Lorde

AN INVITATION: Interested in how you can learn to take a stand for your needs and tap into the power of self-care? Consider starting/joining one of our women's self-renewal circlesor joining us Oct.29 for our FREE Live Inside Out class via telephone. Sign up here. View all upcoming events here.

Also, visit Live Inside Out and sign up to receive weekly tips on how to live more intentionally by becoming a fan on our Live Inside Out Facebook page.

The Journey, a blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey to life balance and living life from the inside out, comes out weekly.

Photo: Renee Peterson Trudeau. Olympic National Forest, WA.

Support

This past week I attended an Ashtanga yoga class with a new teacher (yep, that’s the sweaty, rhythmic style of yoga).

I loved his approach. He was supportive and really encouraged students to ask questions and reach out for help. And, he gave you the sense that he believed in your ability.

He obviously inspired me as I moved gracefully—with his coaching-- into a headstand, something I haven’t done easily in years for fear of falling and injuring my neck.

It got me thinking about how much my life changed almost ten years ago, when I finally began to reach out and allow others to help me. The shift was so powerful, it was almost like moving from one planet to another (the planet where interdependence is a natural part of life and you don’t have to have all the answers!).

Extensive research has been done which shares the amazing health/emotional/intellectual benefits that come from having a robust support network. (Read more from my newsletter on this.)

One of the primary motivations for putting so much time/energy/resources into our global Personal Renewal Group (PRG) program for women (hundreds of facilitators are leading groups around the world based on The Mother’s Guide to Self-Renewal), is because I believe so strongly in the power of groups. Hear comments from PRG members about why groups are such catalysts for change.

For more than five years I have had the privilege of creating opportunities for women to have huge personal and professional shifts as they come together and allow themselves to receive support, relax into a “soft place to fall,” enjoy the company of others who are at similar life stages and are surrounded by a supportive circle of women who hold the highest and best for them.

Is it easy for you to ask for and receive help? I’d love to hear your experience. And, let me know if I can recommend a women’s group or retreat to you. We have a few spots left in our Oct. 2-4 Self- Renewal Retreat at The Crossings. Maybe a headstand awaits you?

AN INVITATION: Interested in how you can learn to leverage the benefits of a support system and tap into the power of self-care? Consider starting/joining one of our women's self-renewal circlesor attending our life-changing October 2-4 Fall Women’s Self-Renewal Retreat at The Crossings.

Also, visit Live Inside Out and sign up to receive weekly tips on how to live more intentionally by becoming a fan on our Live Inside Out Facebook page.

The Journey, a blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey to life balance and living life from the inside out, comes out weekly. For more information on Renee’s upcoming events, click here.

Photo: Renee Peterson Trudeau. Sunflower field in western New Mexico.

What Would She Think?

Today is the anniversary of my mom’s passing nine years ago. She came down with the flu on March 29th, 2000 and quickly without warning or anyone knowing, went into congestive heart failure twenty-four hours later and was gone. She was 59.

She never got to meet my son, now seven, and never got to see my coaching business bloom or my calling to start women’s groups and then write a book focused around self-renewal.

Last night, I had the opportunity to have a conversation with several dear women who have been involved for the last five years, with my work around the Personal Renewal Groups.

We talked about how huge the societal implications are for the work we’re doing with the self renewal circles for women—helping them to feel more aligned with who they are, more peaceful/fulfilled and more in touch with their needs/desires through the practice of self-care.

And the potential that this social change vehicle might have on generations to come.

My mom never received the gift of self-care. She--like many women—was very hard on herself. Even though she had accomplished a lot professionally, had seven beautiful children, was a gifted musician, artist and healthcare provider—she never felt she was good enough. Or deserving enough, or worthy enough.

No matter how many times I challenged her to pause and take in all the wonderful things she had created or been given in her life—it was impossible for her to see this.

So I came to the gift of self-care by necessity. It wasn’t modeled or taught to me, but I saw first-hand what happens when you’re not kind to yourself and are continually critical and self-judgmental of everything you do.

I believe we’re all one another’s teachers. And, I am so grateful to my mom for all the gifts she did give me—a passion for creativity, music, culture, food and a strong belief in the importance of service and compassion. And for the gift of self-care.

I wonder what she would think about the work I’m doing now. I wonder.

P.S. Interested in learning more about how the power of self-care can change your life? Consider starting/joining a Personal Renewal Group in your community? Hundreds of groups are meeting around the US/Canada and Europe for moms/women at all life stages and more are starting each week. I also invite you to slow down and take time to really nurture yourself at my upcoming Spring Self-Renewal Retreat at The Crossings, April 24-26.

The Journey, a blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey to life balance, comes out weekly. Subscribe here. For more information on Renee’s upcoming events, click here.



Photo: My mom with two of my younger brothers when we lived in the Sierra Nevada Mountains in CA (yes in the 70's--can't you tell?).

Unexpected Gifts

In 2002, the year my son was born, I felt a soft but persistent tapping on my shoulder to start a free, community support group to help mothers (most of all me) focus on self-care.

My plate was full with a six-month old and a relatively new business, but the feeling and pull was so strong, I felt I had no choice but to say “Yes.”

I facilitated these coaching groups for five years and the opportunity to sit deeply with a circle of women once a month and focus on reconnecting with who we are and nurturing our emotional well-being, changed my life more than any single thing I have ever done. (My book—which the groups are based on and which came out last year--was born organically from the experience.)

This past Friday, my little guy turned seven and I stand in amazement as I realize what a series of life-changing gifts he has given me. (The chapter in my book on Motherhood as a Spiritual Journey explores this topic deeply.)

Besides the gift of self-care (which has been HUGE), how could I have ever guessed that such deeply fulfilling, meaningful work—speaking, writing, coaching/training around the topic of life balance/self-renewal—would come directly from the experience of being his parent?

Life is weird.

Often my career coaching clients will feel overwhelmed with questions around life purpose. As I get older, I believe more and more that our job is to listen quietly for opportunities to say “Yes,” and from these often courageous leaps, comes our life’s work. (If you’re feeling stuck around your career, check out my suggestions for gaining clarity and focus for some support.)

Maybe there’s something in your life that deserves a “Yes?”

P.S. Interested in learning more about how you can start/join a Personal Renewal Group in your community? Hundreds of groups are meeting around the US/Canada and Europe for moms/women at all life stages and more are starting each week. I also invite you to consider joining other like-minded women interested in learning about the Power of Self Care at my upcoming Spring Self-Renewal Retreat at The Crossings, April 24-26.

The Journey, a blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey to life balance, comes out weekly. Subscribe here. For more information on Renee’s upcoming events, click here.

How does balance feel to you?

Although I enjoyed a long walk with a good friend around Town Lake Saturday morning and a relaxing dinner at home with my family Saturday evening (we made some wonderful fish tacos on fresh corn tortillas), I found myself feeling crabby and short-tempered off and on throughout the weekend.

Why? It could have been stress, but most likely it was because I had to work part of the time due to some important deadlines. And, this ate into any time I would normally have for myself.

Our family likes to play. A lot. And although I love my work—which often doesn’t even feel like work—I look forward to and relish my weekends for downtime, relaxation, hearing music or seeing art, being outdoors, taking pictures, trying new foods, hanging out with friends and family and going on new adventures.

It was a good experience to taste “contrast” (what many spiritual teachers call disequilibrium or feeling challenged by life) and to be reminded of what’s important to me, how I desire to live my life and how committed I am to feeling connection, community, meaning and joy—at least most of the time!

The experience brought me back to the opening chapter of my book where I share:

The life I desire is marked by a deep connection to my child and to my partner. It’s a life filled with joy and meaning. It’s a life in which I feel supported and nurtured by an incredible community of women—young and old. I experience regular, meaningful, heartfelt connections with people I care about. I am continually open to growth—as a woman, a mother, a partner and a spiritual being. I enjoy supporting and serving others in a way that feeds me rather than drains me. I feel that I always have enough time in my life for those things that are most important to me. My life flows, I trust my intuition and I expect good to come to me. I feel peaceful. I am loving, and I feel loved.

This is really how “balance” (the concept of having enough time, energy and resources to devote to those things that are most important to you), feels to me.

I’m curious, how does balance “feel” to you?

Posted by Renee Trudeau, coach/speaker and author “The Mother’s Guide to Self-Renewal: How to Reclaim, Rejuvenate and Re-Balance Your Life.” Click here to read her latest Life Balance ENewsletter on Building a Support System or here to subscribe to her blog, The Journey. Learn more about her upcoming events and retreats here.

Photo: Open grasses on the east side of Enchanted Rock: Renee Peterson Trudeau.