We Are All One

A couple of weeks ago, my son and I were out watering some new plants in our yard.

He called out to me in a very disturbed voice to come over to the sidewalk that runs along the side of our home. He had discovered a dead pigeon. It was beautiful and looked like it was sleeping.

My seven year-old is very sensitive and was deeply moved by the bird’s death.

This incident created opportunities to talk about topics related to death, spirituality and the cycle of life (he is deeply inquisitive/empathetic in nature). But his comment that stayed with me long past dinner and bedtime into the next day was, “Mom, the reason this upsets me so much is we are all the same. When the bird gets hurt, it’s like one of us getting hurt. We’re all connected, right?”

I do believe we’re all one. But most of the time, this feels like a mental concept for me.

It’s rare that I “feel” this connection, even though I do believe it is always present.

Last weekend I had the opportunity to lead a Self-Renewal Retreat at the beautiful Crossings Spa and Retreat Center for 30 women from around the world (their ages ranged from 31-66).

The women were all at different life stages—single, newly married, mothering young kids, making career changes, hitting milestone birthdays, contemplating divorce, beginning to unleash their creativity, starting the journey to heal from past wounds and waking up to the idea that they actually could course-correct and begin to create a life that deeply nourished them.

By the end of the weekend, even though our circumstances or life stages might “look” different, we could all sense how deeply our lives, fears, hopes and dreams were interwoven.

As we gathered that last day in the drizzly rain around the labyrinth, we could all feel this “human fabric” and that undeniably, there was much more that bonded us, than separated us.

I’m curious, what things in your life help you tap into the we are all one feeling?

For me, it’s when I am deeply connected to others in a women’s self-renewal circle, when I get the opportunity teach/speak to groups, when I hike on the greenbelt and see others out in nature, when I hear a mother’s pain as she cares for her sick child, when I coach a client who is crying because they are so ready to align who they are with what they do in the world or when I watch fear rise and fall in reaction to the Swine Flu.

And, it's when I get quiet, follow my intuition and tap into a universal need (Live Inside Out celebration launching this Friday which includes a free download of my book, is one way I hope to bring the “we are all one” theme into American households).

I’d love to hear when and how you feel this deep connection to humanity.

Resources: I stumbled across this video of Nobel Peace Prize winner Desmond Tutu receiving an award from an organization called Humanity’s Team. He talks about how this concept is so relevant right now and a universal theme we all can’t help but explore.

LIVE INSIDE OUT Celebration May 8th-10th--Join us!Do you have a copy of our award-winning book The Mother’s Guide to Self-Renewal: How to Reclaim, Rejuvenate and Re-Balance Your Life? If not, sign up for my life balance newsletter at www.reneetrudeau.com today and receive a free download of the book in your inbox over Mother’s Day Weekend May 8th-10th (for 48 hours only). Feel free to share this amazing gift—a $20 value-- with your friends around the globe! For women of all ages, the book has received rave reviews.

The Journey, a blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey to life balance and living life from the inside out, comes out weekly. Subscribe here. For more information on Renee’s upcoming events, click here.

It Is What It Is

This morning I woke up around 5:00 a.m. with a tight chest and my mind was whirring like a hamster on a wheel.

Late last month, my two amazing support team members both shared they are moving on to new opportunities—which I’m totally supportive of, but it’s still a huge transition. We’re in the middle of organizing 4 upcoming national events (one of them is on an international scale), I am training/hiring new interns and like many businesses, spring is typically our busiest time of year.

Then, my little one came in this morning and said “I can’t go to school mom, I’m sick.”

So I did what all busy entrepreneurs should do when overwhelm comes knocking at their door. I made my husband stay home with our child while I went to yoga. And I practiced being with my breath and accepting “What is.”

Spiritual teacher/author Byron Katie talks about the idea that suffering is optional.

She says suffering, pain, discomfort come from resisting “What is.”

I really resonate with the concept that our thinking—and I believe language—dictate our emotional state. So rather than feeling like I have mountains of work to do, I have the option of being grateful for the opportunity to do what I love, to help others and to have an amazing support network that steps forward time and time again to help out.

Hmm. Can we really change how we feel by changing how we see a situation?

I’m sure I’m going to move in/out of numerous emotional states over the next several weeks, but I’m going to be more vigilant about my thoughts and words. And, of course, keep being gentle with myself.

Resources: Check out my tips on 6 Ways to Tap Into Inner Peace for some ideas on how to anchor during these times of uncertainty. Or learn more about my Spring Self-Renewal Retreat for Women—we only have a few spots left. What an awesome Mother’s Day gift!

Video: While hiking in the Boquillas Canyon on my recent trip to Big Bend National Park with my son and husband, I was mesmerized by this tree branch stuck in the middle of the Rio Grande River, which divides Mexico and the U.S. It immediately made me think about the idea of resisting life, resisting “what is,” and how we can get stuck when we don't go with the flow.

LIVE INSIDE OUT Mother’s Day Celebration May 8-10th
Do you have a copy of our award-winning book The Mother’s Guide to Self-Renewal: How to Reclaim, Rejuvenate and Re-Balance Your Life? If not, sign up for my life balance newsletter at http://www.reneetrudeau.com/ today and receive a free download of the book in your inbox over Mother’s Day Weekend May 8th-10th. Feel free to share this amazing gift—a $20 value-- with your friends around the globe! For women of all ages, the book has received rave reviews.

The Journey, a blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey to life balance and living life from the inside out, comes out weekly. Subscribe here. For more information on Renee’s upcoming events, click here.

Unexpected Gifts

In 2002, the year my son was born, I felt a soft but persistent tapping on my shoulder to start a free, community support group to help mothers (most of all me) focus on self-care.

My plate was full with a six-month old and a relatively new business, but the feeling and pull was so strong, I felt I had no choice but to say “Yes.”

I facilitated these coaching groups for five years and the opportunity to sit deeply with a circle of women once a month and focus on reconnecting with who we are and nurturing our emotional well-being, changed my life more than any single thing I have ever done. (My book—which the groups are based on and which came out last year--was born organically from the experience.)

This past Friday, my little guy turned seven and I stand in amazement as I realize what a series of life-changing gifts he has given me. (The chapter in my book on Motherhood as a Spiritual Journey explores this topic deeply.)

Besides the gift of self-care (which has been HUGE), how could I have ever guessed that such deeply fulfilling, meaningful work—speaking, writing, coaching/training around the topic of life balance/self-renewal—would come directly from the experience of being his parent?

Life is weird.

Often my career coaching clients will feel overwhelmed with questions around life purpose. As I get older, I believe more and more that our job is to listen quietly for opportunities to say “Yes,” and from these often courageous leaps, comes our life’s work. (If you’re feeling stuck around your career, check out my suggestions for gaining clarity and focus for some support.)

Maybe there’s something in your life that deserves a “Yes?”

P.S. Interested in learning more about how you can start/join a Personal Renewal Group in your community? Hundreds of groups are meeting around the US/Canada and Europe for moms/women at all life stages and more are starting each week. I also invite you to consider joining other like-minded women interested in learning about the Power of Self Care at my upcoming Spring Self-Renewal Retreat at The Crossings, April 24-26.

The Journey, a blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey to life balance, comes out weekly. Subscribe here. For more information on Renee’s upcoming events, click here.

Happy

I was having dinner with some friends late last year when an interesting conversation came up.

Most of us were experiencing various stages of disequilibrium in our lives—either in our relationships, with our businesses or careers or in our emotional lives.

A friend I hadn’t seen in quite a while asked me, “So, how are you?” I paused for a minute, reflected and replied “Actually, I’m great. I’m feeling really good.” She looked at me with a confused expression on her face. She said she didn’t understand how this could be when I was navigating so many new and challenging business issues.

I told her, “I think happiness is a choice, and in this moment, this day, this is how I’m choosing to feel.”

I, like many of you, experienced a lot of loss and dysfunction growing up (three of my immediate family members died unexpectedly and prematurely between my 24th and 34th birthdays). And throughout most of my twenties and into my early thirties, I felt those losses had the power to dictate how much, how often or when I could experience joy. (I later realized--after a lot of personal growth work--that they were irrelevant to my happiness!)

It’s as if for years, anytime I started to feel light, free or happy, the old feeling of “waiting for the other shoe to drop” would creep in. Can anyone relate?

Last year there was a lot of buzz in the media about happiness and the happiness set point. (read more about this concept via this link). Research was released which showed how much power we have over our ability to be happy (and that feeling good was not related in any way to the accumulation of “stuff”). Helping others, feeling grateful, living more in the present and taking time for soul-nourishing, deeply absorbing work and activities are all things that impacted our happiness quotient.

Many of my clients are riding the emotional roller coaster of these uncertain economic times: “I can’t look at my retirement account, it makes me sick,” “My phone lines are dead, no one is spending right now,” “Announcements about layoffs are coming next week, I’m in limbo,” and “ I want to start a business or change careers, but am I crazy to think about doing this now?!”

I would challenge all of us to examine our thinking. Is it possible to be happy no matter what? Where does our happiness come from? Can I be happy even when everything around me “looks” like it’s falling apart?

I believe we can. Even if it’s a moment-to-moment experience.

P.S. I just did an interview with Cathy Greenberg, Ph.D., for her new book “What Happy Working Mothers Know.”. She and her partners are conducting research on working mothers from around the globe from various socioeconomic backgrounds to determine what make women—working mothers in particular—happy. Interesting stuff. Come here us at the Florida Conference for Women, May 12th and join this lively dialogue.

Miracles

Have you ever faced a conundrum that you knew could not be solved by “thinking it through?”

I have shared in several recent blog posts my intention to create more simplicity in my life in 2009 and how challenging it has been over the last year to run two national businesses (one that is in start-up mode!), while maintaining a sense of equilibrium, and honoring my top priorities, including spending quality time with my son every afternoon.(In fairness to myself, the second was never intended to be a business, it was born organically from a need and desire to help others.)

I’m in a wonderful master mind group with 4 other coaches. Our approach is a little different than many similar support groups for entrepreneurs. We all like to view business challenges with the mindset that “there is a spiritual solution to every problem.”

I think it was Einstein that said “problems are not solved on the level at which they are created.” This has always resonated with me.

So in that vein, I release my “challenge” (which may not be a challenge at all, depending on how I look at it, right?!), trust and remain open to a fresh perspective. I’ve learned from riding the entrepreneur roller coaster over the last almost ten years that miracles often arrive in strange wrapping.

I’m looking forward to a shift in thinking (I call this a miracle) and am grateful for my clarity around knowing what matters most to me.

I think it was author Wayne Dyer that said, “Change your thinking and you change your world.” Amen Wayne, I'l take some of that! (photo: Sun setting in the Olympic National Forest Renee Peterson Trudeau)

P.S. One great way to shift your thinking is to attend a professional or personal development event. We have some great ones listed here: www.reneetrudeau.com/calendar. Check out the Sunday business section in your local paper for others.

Alive

Although it’s been challenging juggling everything this month, I am really enjoying my January writing sabbatical. And, it’s headed in a completely different direction than I had thought—but I’ll save that for another time.

Creating mental space—where I can actually allow my thoughts to slowly meander where they like, as opposed to the daily rush of reacting to endless requests-- has really allowed me to remember what invigorates, inspires and makes me come alive.

I started a weekly Intuitive Arts painting class with Fire Tree Studio—a gift from my siblings for my 43rd birthday; last weekend, my family attended an amazing photography exhibit called Workers-- about the world’s laborers and this past Saturday night my husband –a Brazilian drummer—and I stepped out of our comfort zone and went two-stepping at the world-famous Broken Spoke, one of the oldest dance halls in Texas, where legend Dale Watson was playing. This Friday, as I celebrate my birthday with my five brothers and sisters, we will all be hitting a local roller skating rink—something I haven’t done in probably 17 or more years!

And, after months of begging from my six-year old, we finally got it together to volunteer and go out on a Mobile Loaves and Fishes truck (am amazing Austin-based nonprofit that feeds and clothes the homeless and poor), and traveled to halfway homes and government housing on a cold, dark week night, offering meals, support and a little conversation to our neighbors on the east side of town.

Later that night, my son couldn’t stop talking about the experience (he actually served people directly from the back of the truck offering them their choice of fruit, chips, etc.) saying, “this was the best day of my life!” He later shared with my husband as he was tucking him in that night, that he used to think the homeless were different from him, but he now realizes they’re his brothers and sisters.

All of these experiences made me feel alive. They are the kinds of things I have always done since I was a young kid. They are who I am.

I love to express my creativity and soak up the various ways others express their creative spirit, too (more on this in my next Life Balance Newsletter). My mother, a classically trained musician, used to love to open all our windows when the weather was nice and put on Bach's Brandenberg Concertos to inspire us when we were little. Creative expression was a constant in our household.

I feel, in times of uncertainty, it’s always wise to return to that which feeds us from the “inside out.” And, reminds us of who we really are and what really matters.

What makes YOU come alive? I’d love to hear your stories!

P.S. We’ll be exploring our creativity as an essential part of developing a self-care practice at the Spring Women’s Self-Renewal Retreat at The Crossings. I’d love to see you and your mothers/sisters/girlfriends there!

P.S.S. I also wanted to recommend a beautiful, much-needed book for working moms written by my friend Phaedra Cucina, who expressed her creativity through the creation of her new heart-felt book “My Mommy’s on a Business Trip.” The book tells of the “adventures” of business travel from a young child’s point of view, with the endearing message that mom misses her and is coming home soon. Available exclusively at http://www.mommytrip.com/,

Trusting

Last night I had the opportunity to have dinner with a dear friend who just celebrated her 49th birthday. We ate at one of my favorite restaurants located in an old house in East Austin, surrounded by two acres of beautiful gardens filled with seasonal, organic herbs and veggies—which end up on lucky diners’ plates each night.

Sitting in a beloved restaurant I’ve had been coming to for more than 18 years (possibly even sitting in the same chair I sat in back then) I had flashbacks of eating here in my twenties with friends from the advertising/public relations agency world I used to inhabit.

I was struck by how different my “inner world” is now than it was then. Those were fun, creative and emotionally turbulent times for me. And, I recognize now that I had a constant low-grade anxiety running through my system.

For the most part, I believed that my inner or emotional state was totally dependent on what was going on around me (if I received high kudos at work=had a good day .... didn’t get a call from the guy I went out with the night before who I wasn’t even sure I liked=bad day).

Like all of us, I’m navigating some personal and professional challenges right now, but most of the time, I have a deeper sense that everything is and will be ok. No matter what.

Not that I’m walking around 100% of the time in a state of bliss, but I do feel a sense of quiet and inner peace that is stronger and more unwavering than any “problem du jour.”

Maybe this is one of the gifts that come from “the mellow forties,” my friend and I theorized over our chocolate almond torte. Maybe all the personal growth work we’ve done is finally taking hold (or the merlot we’re drinking has us believing this is so). Or maybe it’s simply that we’re finally learning to let go and trust that all is well, or as self-care advocate Cheryl Richardson says, “The Universe is conspiring in my favor.”

I’m going to place my bet on the latter. Whenever I challenge my career/small business coaching clients to get quiet and move into that trusting place—that good things are unfolding for them and that people around them want to support them and help out--they visibly shift and their thoughts, actions words begin to come from a place of wisdom and knowing, rather than reactivity.

What helps you move into a state of trusting? What reminds you that things are aligning to support your highest good?

I think we’d all agree, that in the current state the world is in, it’s essential that we all find this place within us. And that we do all we can to support in others in doing the same.

P.S. Check this out: a few of my colleagues that are doing all they can to support others in finding their trusting place: Diana Amorde, Karly Randolph Pitman, and Byron Katie. I highly recommend their work.

Photo: ©2008 Bill Stevenson and World of Stock.

Alignment

This past Saturday morning, my son and I got up early and headed out for a bike ride. We took some new routes through an older neighborhood. Not paying attention, I started to follow him too closely, and my tire knocked his, sending me into a twisting spiraling thud (!). It was an intense fall and three days—and two yoga classes—later, the ligaments in my neck still feel really strained. My forty-something hips feel a little wobbly, too.

I often think our physical pains are wake-up calls for emotional signs we may not be heeding.

For me, this surfaced as a reminder for how important it is that my outer work stay aligned with my inner purpose (remembering “why” I’m doing what I’m doing).

Whether we’re software developers, stay-at-home moms, creative entrepreneurs, contract workers or college students, I think it’s really easy for all of us to become task-masters and feel our primary work is be busy, to get things done, to be productive. But it feels lifeless if it’s not coming from a place of true depth and connection, right?

I find it really grounds and brings me into balance to stop what I’m doing every once in a while and remind myself why I chose the path that I’m on (coaching/supporting others to remember who they really are).

Sometimes I’ll read or re-post my company purpose statement, re-visit my vision board, have a heart-to-heart with a close friend that knows my work well, look at photos of clients smiling faces, re-read “kudos” emails or simply process “why I do what I do” with my husband.

How do you align with your work? What makes you feel connected? Like you’re truly contributing? That your work is meaningful? That you’re in service to a greater good?

A few times a year, I lead a career change workshop. During the introductions, I ask the participants to share “what is one quality you MUST have present at your next job?”

Overwhelmingly the response: that I’m contributing or connected to something bigger ....that I’m making a difference ....that what I’m doing matters, comes up.

We all want to feel aligned and that what we do—directly or indirectly—somehow makes the world a better place.

Feeling adventurous this holiday season? Next time you’re around your friends or family, ask them why they do what they do? I bet the answers will surprise you and your friends will appreciate the opportunity to reflect on this topic. (And for those who are already feeling some of the high expectation, sensory overload, shopping hype holidays, check out my ideas for 5 Steps to a More Peaceful Holiday.)

Extreme Self Care

After an intense period of back-to-back workshops and retreats, yesterday, I took an "extreme self care" day to rest and rejuvenate.

Being out of town (and having staff who had also been away with their families last week), left us all with a mountain of work. But, I wouldn't budge. This was my day and I was claiming it, no matter what!

I actually set aside this day on my calendar several weeks ago, knowing how full the month of October looked for me. I've found scheduling these dates in advance is the only way to make these mini-retreats possible.

An extreme self-care day is a stretch of time (preferably 8 hours, but 4 will do) where I'm completely devoted to nurturing my physical/mental/emotional/spiritual well-being. My only job is to become attuned to the needs of my body, mind and spirit--and then to nourish myself accordingly.

Hoh Rain Forest, WA Renee Peterson Trudeau

My day began by moving much slower in the morning, than I normally do (anyone who has kids can attest to how stressful mornings *can be*). I let my husband and son navigate breakfast and the search for homework, lunches and lost library books. I refused to feel rushed or check email and I really allowed myself to slow down and release the endless "to dos" that so often come knocking at our doors on Monday mornings.

After taking my son to school, I arrived at my yoga class extra early and sat in the quiet of my car, journaling. After yoga, I got a massage and then went to a nearby natural foods store where I picked up an absolutely decadent pear and a few other treats (I really focused on listening to what foods my body was telling me would truly nourish me). By doing so, I also got the news that I was dehydrated.

Afterwards, I headed home and took a long hot bath, then put on the softest, most comfortable clothes I could find. I considered riding my bike and then paused quietly to see how I felt. Tired. In need of rest. And I curled up in my favorite reading spot to finish the last of my delicious Amy Tan novel--not giving the stack of work-related or human potential books next to my nightstand a second thought.

This wonderful experience ended abruptly when I went to pick up my son from school at 2:45 p.m., but was nonetheless, well worth it. And a great reinforcement to me about the power of self-care. I was calmer and more relaxed with my family last night and entered my work week not feeling as overwhelmed as I have in the past with the "oh my god, I've been out of town forever and I don't know if I'll ever get caught up" feeling.

Is it time for you to schedule an extreme self-care day? What would it look like? How would you start your day? Would you move your body? What would you eat? Would you rest or sleep all day? What is the most decadent thing you could imagine doing (stay in your pajamas in bed all day and ordering take out!)? Would you completely unplug from phone/email/electronics all day? Would you stay in your home or go somewhere (I have a single girlfriend who travels a lot for work and often offers her beautiful, quiet home as a retreat getaway to her mom friends)?

Out of curiosity, I looked up the definition of rest. One I found was: the cessation of work, exertion, or activity.

So many of us have heard the popular phrase we're human beings, not human doings. Yet, the concept of "rest" is still foreign to many of us (it wasn't until I had my son that I started to get how beneficial this concept is for all of us--regardless of age!).

Maybe it's just me (an oldest child, recovering overachiever, perfectionist with controlling tendencies) that has a hard time knowing when to just stop and rest. Or maybe we could all benefit from a mass media campaign that counters the way-too-popular words " just do it" ? Hmmm. I'd love to hear your thoughts on this one.

P.S. If this concept is new to you, you might want to check out the chapter on The Transformative Power of Self-Care from my book, you can go to www.ReneeTrudeau.com and download two free sample chapters from the right column of the home page.

Everyday Spirituality

So, I have shared with many of you that I'm on a six-week writing sabbatical. (I'm a big believer in claiming "chunks" of time for creative endeavors--truly the only way you're really able to play with an idea on a deeper level!).

After a lot of juggling and planning, I was successful in carving out six weeks of my summer to focus on a project that has been tapping on my shoulder for about a year now.

In a nutshell, I am very curious about how, when and where people "feel" God (or whatever you call this: source, the Divine, the sacred, etc.) in everyday ways.

Having supported and coached thousands of professionals in their 20s-60s in the last 20 years, I have observed that many, many people share that they feel something is missing in their lives.

While they may achieve outer success--what most of them are craving: a sense of meaning, a sense of being connected to something bigger than themselves, a sense of inner peace--seems to elude them.

Or, they simply don't know how to identify their portal for getting there through ordinary day-to-day life experiences. (My summer newsletter which comes out Wed., July 23rd, goes into more detail on this topic and shares some of the answers to the questions below: http://www.reneetrudeau.com/ to subscribe.)

I am intrigued by this theme and sent the following questions to a select sampling of about 25 profesionals, asking them for their honest, direct, feedback. My only intention for this material right now is to help me gain insight into where people are around the topic of Everyday Spirituality.

My instructions and the questions are below if you'd like to take a stab at answering these yourself. (Many of the respondents shared that the exercise itself ended up sparking very interesting conversations with friends and significant others.)

Have fun, go with your gut and don’t overanalyze your answers. This should take you about 15-20 min.:

1. What gives your life meaning, where do you find meaning?
2. One thing I do to renew my spirit is ....... When I do this, I feel ........
3. To me, God* is ..... (*God for you might be the sacred, Spirit, Source, a higher power, Buddha, Yahweh, Allah, your highest self, your intuitive self, the Divine, Universal energy, etc.)
4. I feel God when I am ..... I feel most peaceful when I ....
5. I connect or tune into God (or the sacred) through ......

Your name (only your first name will be used):
Your age:
Religious upbringing and current religious practice (if any, optional to share):

And, if you'd like, post 1-2 of your answers here and let the dialogue begin!

What Area of Your Life Needs Balancing?

Yesterday, I had the opportunity to lead a wonderful career plannning/exploration workshop in which I challenge professionals to look at their lives and their work in new ways (http://www.careerstrategists.net/mojo0906.html). Facilitating this workshop is one of my favorite ways to serve others through my work. It really feeds me to see these amazing men and women begin to open up to "possibility" and the idea that they really can live the life they desire.


I was pretty exhausted after the workshop ended--presenting and then responding to individual inquiries for help for four hours straight takes a lot of energy--but was grateful for this opportunity to do what I love and coach in a group environment.


It got me thinking about the Balance topic in a new way though.


Many, myself included, believe that we're here to help and support one another; that service to others can be deeply meaningful and spiritually nourishing. The fruit of love is service, which is compassion in action--Mother Teresa.


But, the challenge is to find that balance between giving and receiving. (Letting other support you and being open to receiving help that comes your way.)


Balance in all areas of our life is what we all desire (not "perfection," but a healthy ebb and flow where we have enough time, energy and resources to devote to those things that matter to us most).


I work with many clients on finding that balance between work/family and life/family, but what about finding the balance between being and doing, listening and talking, moving and stillness, being "out there" and "going inward," helping your kids and letting them figure things out for themselves, initiating conversation with your spouse and letting things just be, using your masculine vs. your feminine strengths, and on and on?


I'm facinated by this dialogue. What area of your life most needs "balancing"? Clearly a theme in my life is finding balance between giving and receiving. I have a feeling this is the year I'm going to really shift around this area. I can't wait.


I'd love to hear your thoughts on this theme. What does it bring up for you and what area of your life most needs balancing?

Happiness when ....?

Do you ever find yourself playing the "I know I'll be happy when .....(fill in the blank: I've finished my project, I have a new job, I'm done with school, my divorce is finalized, my client has paid me, I've figured out what my life purpose is, etc., etc.)?

My husband and I were talking late last night about how deadly this game can be (meaning you can miss out on the simple, day-to-day joys of life if you get too caught up the "future game").

I went in and out of this mindset last year as I rode the "start up mode" waves, busily launching and birthing a new national women's program. When I got stressed out by deadlines or demands from others and wasn't being present or even fun to be around, I would sometimes get lured into the false promise of "but I know I'll be truly happy and stress-free, when ...."

What makes you happy? (I challenge you: grab a piece of paper and a pen and write out the top five things that come to mind.) I find tremendous joy and satisfaction in curling up by the fire and playing a game with my son and husband, making a great meal and serving it to friends or family, hiking in nature and really appreciating its beauty and mystery, hearing a piece of music or seeing a dance performance that moves me deeply or feeling enough spaciousness in my day and schedule to be able to stop and connect with friends or associates I come in contact with throughout the day.

While I may feel brief satisfaction after completing a large project or even enjoy the momentary high that comes from being asked to do something new/big/fun, these things don't permanently impact how happy I am--and, sometimes, they adversely affect my joy and well-being (particulary if they involve more work on my part that results in less downtime with my family).

More and more, I'm realizing that the less I feel I "have to do," (expectations!) and the simpler my life is, the happier I am. I think deep down, we ALL feel this way. Even though this message is the exact opposite of what the media and in many ways, society in general, would have us believe.

Does the answer (to the quest for happines) really revolve around simplicity? I'd love to hear your reflections on this topic.

Don't Believe Everything You Think

Photo: Cliffs of Moher, County Clare, Irleland, August 2007, Renee Trudeau

The two weeks before Thanksgiving were really stressful for me. I was feeling pulled in too many directions by work, had countless deadlines breathing down my back and I was feeling discouraged by the amount of time/resources I was putting into a project--that was only just getting off the ground. I felt overwhelmed by my inbox, requests from others for help and demands from family--I was cooked!

One of the things that most frustrated me about that crazy period was that I had lost perspective--and I knew it.

My thoughts were tiresome, stressful and repetitive. I could feel how "stuck" I was and all I could do was pray for a change in perspective.

Author/teacher Byron Katie (www.thework.com), says "An unquestioned mind is the world of suffering. There are no new stressful thoughts. They’re all recycled."

So true. I've always loved the saying "Don't believe everything you think." When I'm feeling stuck, I try to remember this phrase and not take myself--or my thinking--too seriously!

And, finally, clarity and relief did come (it always does in its own sweet time, doesn't it?).

After slowing down, going for a hike on the greenbelt with my family and releasing some of my self-imposed ideas about how things "should be going," I was able to finally ease up, relax and start living in the present: the only place we can be assured of true inner peace, right?

The photo I took above of the Cliffs of Moher in Ireland--a stunning sight--helps me gain perspective on my life. The vastness of the rock wall and ocean reminds me of how trivial my problem du jour really is and how essential it is that I trust in that which is greater than me.

Thank you God for the opportunity to--at any moment--change how we see things.

Birthing Something Creative

Last week while at the park late one afternoon with my son and two other moms and kids, one of my friends asked me about a unique aspect of my upbringing. It was the fourth time in about 3 days the Universe had presented me with this theme. (I'm a believer in the "three times and there's a message here for you" school of thought.)

Something's definitely coming down the pike (or rising to the surface) for me.

I remember two other times in my life (when I conceived of and launched my first business and when I was guided to write "The Mother's Guide to Self-Renewal") when I felt the same feelings that are moving within me now.

It's a scary, "bigger than you," woozy kind of stirring in your depths that signals, buckle your seatbelt, something new is trying to come through you--whether you like it or not!

To me, it's personally very exhilerating to also realize that there are forces larger than myself and--I believe-even a divine timing to things that is beyond my control.

I have no idea when or how or where this new idea or expression will come through, but I remain open. A commitment to being open, I think, is sometimes all we can and need to do.

I'll keep you posted as things unfold. I love the following quote from well-known artist/dancer Martha Graham. It really captures what I'm attempting to express:

"There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and it will be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is nor how valuable nor how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open. You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work. You have to keep yourself open and aware to the urges that motivate you. Keep the channel open. ... No artist is pleased. [There is] no satisfaction whatever at any time. There is only a queer divine dissatisfaction, a blessed unrest that keeps us marching and makes us more alive than the others"'

Life Balance on My Terms

I define life balance as having enough time, energy and resources for those things that are most important to me.

I had the wonderful opportunity to lead a women’s Personal Renewal Group (PRG) Facilitator Training Weekend Retreat at The Crossings Austin in late September. It was an amazing experience and as always, lots of deep learning for everyone involved.

The following week I hosted a Biz and Balance Success Group Meeting for Entrepreneur Moms (you can learn more about this free community gathering at Career Strategists) and then in early October, I was very involved in the Texas Conference for Women, where I spoke during two sessions on "Embracing the Chaos: Work/Life Balance from the Inside Out” and participated in other conference activities for this 8,000 person event.

The morning after the conference, I got on the plane and headed to Orlando, FL to speak at the Association for Women In Communications National Conference on “The Courage to Follow Your Heart Taking Risks in Life and Career” and then the next day I led a free community workshop and Self Renewal Party for an amazing gathering of moms in downtown Orlando, hosted by Hopscotch Boutique and the Central Florida YMCA.

Crazy?! Maybe a little. Looking at my schedule over the past 3 weeks--and the reason for my absence from my blog--you might wonder how I’m feeling and how my emotional/physical well-being is!!

I did some extra things to help nurture myself during this busy travel time (bringing healthy snacks and staying hydrated, taking short walks when I could, building in “alone time,” delivering “good is good enough” presentations and trying to stay present as much as possible), but overall I was so “fed’ by these opportunities to visit with women from around the nation about "The Mother's Guide" and the Personal Renewal Groups that it didn’t feel crazy, but rather nourishing. (Ok, at times it did feel a little crazy.)

But, most importantly to me, I entered into this very full three-week period, intentionally--knowing these were events I really wanted to devote time and energy to.

I wouldn't recommend a schedule this intense if you can avoid it, but we all have those times when things unavoidably get a little to tightly stacked.

The last three weeks have been a great opportunity for me to reflect on this ever-evolving "life balance" journey and continue to look at what really fuels and drains me in my life. I'm grateful to be doing work I love that feeds me on many levels and at the same time am very conscious about not giving everything I have to a calling and not leaving enough energy for the other things in my life that are top priorities.

A friend commented recently that it must be hard to not have my parents to lean on and how unfortunate it is that my mom and dad never got to see the book or observe me in my current role. Yes, it definitely can be. But, ironically, I wouldn't be doing this work if I hadn't experienced those premature losses.

P.S. While at the www.txconferenceforwomen.org, I had the opportunity to be on a panel with work/life balance consultant and author Cali Williams Yost, author of "Work+Life Fit". Cali, like me, advocates being sensitive to your current life stage and individual/family needs when determining what type of job is a fit for you. She is very insightful and outlines a plan for how to do this and create your personal "work+life fit" in her book. Check it out, she offers a wonderful perspective on the topic of balance and great resources to help you on your career path.