Self-Care, My Best Friend

Last night I spoke to a wonderful group of about fifty women in their 30s-50s from the National Charity League about the Power of Self-Care. It’s a really cool group of mothers and daughters who work together to support their communities through various social service projects.

When I asked how many women in the room were familiar with the concept of self-care (read more from my newsletter on this topic), only one woman raised her hand.

As much as I want to believe that this concept—which has been popularized by self-care advocates Jennifer Louden, and Cheryl Richardson in the 80s and 90s—has become mainstream, I was reminded that we still have a long way to go before people believe that it’s not only our birthright to nurture and nourish ourselves, it’s our responsibility to do so.

When I was first introduced to the concept of self-care: taking time to fill my cup first, before helping others, it seemed strange and foreign. Almost like something else to put on my “to do” list. But as I started to slow down and practice more self-acceptance, release a lot of my controlling behavior and perfectionism, begin to really listen to my body and spirit and enjoy spending time with my sweet self, my life began to change radically.

I felt like I had come home. Like this was *really* the way we are supposed to live.

I now realize that being open to and ultimately, embracing self-care was the single biggest thing I have ever done to positively and profoundly change my life.

And the journey keeps shifting and changing. You don’t “get it” and you’re done. It keeps evolving and unfolding. And the more you love and accept yourself, the more in touch with your physical/emotional/spiritual needs you become.

I often have moments in my life when I pause and realize how drastically different my days are now than they were ten years ago (before self-care).

I used to push myself really hard. I used to barrel through to-do lists (I was a master at efficiency and took pride at how much I used to be able to get done---anyone relate?). I was way too focused on “doing” and not very focused on “being.”

Yesterday, I had a challenging day emotionally and a lot on my plate. Realizing this, I went to a noon yoga class instead of an intense early morning weights class. I made sure I ate foods that made me feel great. I let some things go, so I could take a short rest before my speaking engagement last night. And, since I didn’t have much time to prepare before this event, I allowed myself to deliver a ‘good is good enough” speech, knowing that there wouldn’t be much time to prepare for the talk (which by the way, received rave reviews).

During stressful times—like the current economic crisis our nation is experiencing—it’s more important than ever to take time to nurture ourselves. (Read my latest Career Management Newsletter on tips on navigating your career/life during uncertain times.)

I received two calls from national companies yesterday to speak to their employees about balance/self-renewal.

I think we’re all starting to get that when our environment and things around us get really crazy, we have no where else to go, but within.

Baby steps. I’ve been working on my self-care practice for 9 years. And, I still have a long way to go.

P.S. If you’re new to self-care or seeking support, check out Jennifer Louden’s new Comfort Café/Life Spa , it looks really cool. I plan to sign up soon. Also, if you’re interested in really soaking up the self-care message and understanding why and how it can change your life for the better, join us April 24-26th at the Crossings for my Spring Self-Renewal Retreat for Women.

And, if you're wanting to really dive in and make self-care part of your everyday life, I encourage you to think about starting/joining a women's Personal Renewal Group (a self renewal circle for women based on my book The Mother's Guide to Self-Renewal) at http://www.reneetrudeau.com/.

Photo: My six-year old son--and inspiration for self-care-- cheering on an amazing water fountain outside of the Dallas Museum of Art, where we visited the King Tut exhibit.

Simplicity

One of our favorite family activities is to visit the Sunset Valley Farmer’s Market each Saturday morning, choose some yummy things to eat for the day/week and come home and enjoy a wonderful leisurely lunch together.

This past Saturday, we feasted on a marinated, slow roasted free range chicken from an amazing German chef (my friend Kate calls it ‘crack chicken” it’s so seductively good), a jar of Hairston Creek’s delicious sweetly marinated bread and butter pickles, some fabulous organic, pasture raised eggs from Ringger Farm which we hard-boiled, a loaf of chewy Ciabatta bread from Sweetish Hill Bakery, some crisp gala apples and some organic winter greens from Gundermann farms which we sauteed in lemon zest and olive oil. Yum.

Life coach/author Cheryl Richardson says our quality of life is enhanced not by what we add to, but what we remove from our plates.

Each Monday, I start the day—no matter how busy I am—by attending this amazingly nourishing Hatha yoga class near my home. Often I see friends there and they ask, "So, how was your weekend?” I like this question, because it make me pause.

The weekends that are the most fun, the most soulful, the most satisfying, are those where didn’t do much. Where we allowed for expanses of time, to enjoy the simple things—a impromptu walk with neighbors, a family game of scrabble, hiking and exploring a new natural spot, sharing good food together, lying around lazily reading, etc.

My family is finding that we are enjoying the “challenge” of experiencing more on less (like most, we’re on a tight budget and are looking at creative ways to make our dollars go farther; read more from my recent newsletter on how this unique time in history is challenging us all).

What are the simple things that you find deeply nourishing? When was the last time you enjoyed these activities? I’d love to hear what simple things feed you and yours.

P.S. Thanks for all the great stories you emailed me about your personal spiritual journeys. Writer/intuitive consultant Jennifer Hill Robenalt recently launched an interesting spiritually-focused blog called Current Living; we sat down recently to discuss my path. Read more.

And, considering joining me April 24-26th at The Crossings for my Spring Women's Self-Renewal Retreat--a wonderful opportunity to nurture yourself, enjoy expanses of stillness and really explore how and where you find meaning in life.

Expanses of Unscheduled Time

Last weekend I had one of the most “decadent” and enjoyable weekends I’ve had in months. I had wanted to go out of town for the holiday weekend, but my husband convinced me we should just stay in town and take it easy.

Even though we’re very mindful of what we say “yes” to on the weekends, often, Sunday evening rolls around and we don’t feel truly rested and nourished. The weekend was simply too scheduled.

During the recent holiday weekend, my husband and I took turns taking naps (while the other played with our six-year old), I got a massage, we read, we made some great fresh summer dishes that we shared with our neighbors, saw a movie, spent time going on walks and gardening as a family and for the most part, just hung out and let our days unfold. It felt luxurious! (Sometimes cleaning out the sock drawer is just the soul food we need!)

As I age, I find the less I have to do, the happier I am. And when I can create “expanses of unscheduled time” in my life and my family’s life, magic happens. The ordinary becomes extraordinary. I’ve heard life coach Cheryl Richardson (http://www.cherylrichardson.com/) say that our quality of life is enhanced by what we take out of our schedule/days, not by what we put in. I can’t agree more.

I have been planning for the last 6 months to allow my schedule some space to slow down considerably in July and August. While I will be working during those months, I’ll be on a mini writing sabbatical in July and part of August and am really looking forward to claiming chunks of unscheduled time during these slower months. And, I can’t wait to see what unfolds from these “closets of intentional space.” I hope you can find some time to do the same.

P.S. Talking about balance, I encourage you to check out Stew Friedman’s (head of Wharton School of Business’ Work/Life Initiative) new book http://www.totalleadership.org/. I met him when I attended a workshop he led in Austin, TX last week at Bazaarvoice and was really excited and encouraged by his “whole person” approach to work/life effectiveness and leadership. It’s incredibly refreshing to meet a business teacher/leader who advocates for self-care and alignment with personal values and to hear him share about the profound impact the birth of his first child had on his world view and desire to promote a new way to lead. Read a recent New York Times article on Stew’s recent talk and approach here: http://www.nytimes.com/2008/05/29/business/smallbusiness/29shift.html?em&ex=1212379200&en=2781ffd821336324&ei=5087%0A. Three cheers for Mr. Friedman!