Allowing

Last March my family took a trip to Big Bend National Park. In the middle of our family vacation, after a long day of hiking in the canyon and swimming in the river, we stopped at a quiet, still campground on the banks of the Rio Grande. As soon as we pulled in to park, I felt a strong, invisible nudge to grab some paper and a pen and prepare to write.

My husband and son set out a blanket under gorgeous fifty-foot tall cottonwood trees and I immediately plopped down on my belly to write. In about ten minutes, I had jotted down what ended up being the outline for the book I’m working on now which will come in next spring.

I hadn’t asked for this, nor was I contemplating these themes, they just tapped me on the shoulder, asked me to listen and they flowed right through me.

It was as if these messages were seeking a vehicle or way to be heard (interestingly I already had a book in the works with a different focus which I reluctantly abandoned after being moved so deeply and clearly to follow the new path before me).

I’m a big fan of creative expression. Whether it’s painting, writing, dancing or creating a new business, I believe it’s our job to get out of our own way and let what wants to come through us, be born. No matter what the outcome is or who sees or experiences it.

My husband and I watched the movie Country Strong with Gwyneth Paltrow the other night (rare for us to find something we’re both willing to watch). A character named Beau really stuck out. He was a musician and singer/songwriter that was passionate about creating music and singing—not for the fame, crowds or accolades-- but because he loved it and he was committed to showing up and allowing this inspiration to come through him. And, because he stayed connected to his essence, he inspired others around him to want to do the same.

It can feel like a bit of push and pull when you’re trying to balance creative expression with writing a book that has a clear timeline. But my allegiance and my heart belong to the creative process—to honoring what wants to come through, regardless of the product or ultimate outcome.

Hard? You bet. Particuarly over the past two weeks, when I had very limited time to write due to my son’s part-time day camp schedule, a big AC and car repair to handle, constant requests to respond to and relatives coming in to town. But I’m anchoring back to that commitment today. To receive and allow what wants to be heard…..through me …at this time …in a way only I can express it. Because I can’t imagine doing it any other way.

When I launched my first business Career Strategists 12 years ago, I found myself sitting in my newly furnished, freshly feng-shuied office in central Austin, booking appointments for new clients, feeling a swirl of anxiety in my belly and thinking “Am I crazy?! What the bleep did I just do?”

I remember calling my self-employed brother Kert for some support that first week of business and he emailed me this piece by dancer Martha Graham. He knew how huge it was for me to have taken this leap, turned down lucrative corporate jobs and followed my heart and transition full-time into the field of serving others through the field of professional coaching. The poem really moved me. And as I breathed deep and reminded myself that I have always taken the pass less traveled, I knew that I had to honor what had and was coming through me …what was ready to be heard. And so I did and I can’t imagine any other life.

by Martha Graham
"There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique.

And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and it will be lost. The world will not have it.

It is not your business to determine how good it is nor how valuable nor how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open.

You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work. You have to keep yourself open and aware to the urges that motivate you. Keep the channel open. ...

No artist is pleased. [There is] no satisfaction whatever at any time. There is only a queer divine dissatisfaction, a blessed unrest that keeps us marching and makes us more alive than the others."

P.S. I recently reconnected with a friend who took a similar leap, leaving a high profile job in publishing to follow her heart and journey into the big unknown. Check out Marianne’s wonderful blog Gap Year Girl Goes to Europe.

Note: I'm out on a writing sabbatical this summer and we're surveying the Emotional and Spiritual Health of Families for my new writing project. If you have 5 minutes to tell me about your family culture, I’d love to get your input (and feel free to share with friends/lists): http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/RXZ88GR

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The Journey, a blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey and living life from the inside out, comes out weekly.

Photo: The ever inspiring skies in Big Bend National Park. Renee Trudeau

Creative Expression=Balanced Living?

I attended a creativity party this past weekend at my good friend author/writing coach Carolyn Scarborough’s home.

She asked her friends to bring something to the party that illustrated how they "get their creative game on.”

Guests sang, tap danced, recited poetry, read from published or yet to be published books, shared paintings, textiles, mosaics, photography, journals, played instruments, talked about new businesses that were being birthed and cheered each other on for their bravery and willingness to express whatever it is that lights their fire.

I loved this opportunity to think about what creative endeavors fuel me. I’m a big believer that it’s not about being great, it’s about picking up, continuing or starting creative pursuits simply for the joy of it (read more on this from The Mother’s Guide to Self-Renewal, chapter seven: Unleashing Your Creativity).

I remember when I signed up for an acting class—just for fun and because it sent terror down my spine--shortly after my thirtieth birthday. It was one of the times in my life that I felt most alive—yes,most scared—but most alive!

I was raised by an artist/musician/philosopher mother who believed creative expression was like oxygen—it was essential to being human. (Interestingly a debate broke out in my son’s second grade classroom recently about what humans need to survive; apparently a line was drawn between those who believed art was essential to our sustainability and those who believed it was not!)

I know when my plate is full (we have seven events in the next 60 days, many of them national) and I’m struggling to keep a sense of equilibrium and sanity in my life, thinking about creative expression may not be at the top of my list. But maybe it should be?

I find that when I live more in the right hemisphere of my brain and give myself breathing room to “create” from nothing, I feel more alive, more connected to others and more in touch with the mystery, magic and bigness of life. And, I feel more balanced. Not a bad place to hang out.

I love the following quote from well-known artist/dancer Martha Graham. My entrepreneur brother sent it to me when I was two months into launching my first business ten years ago and singing the “start-up blues.” It really resonated with me:

"There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and it will be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is nor how valuable nor how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open. You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work. You have to keep yourself open and aware to the urges that motivate you. Keep the channel open. ... No artist is pleased. [There is] no satisfaction whatever at any time. There is only a queer divine dissatisfaction, a blessed unrest that keeps us marching and makes us more alive than the others"'

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The Journey, a blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey to life balance and living life from the inside out, comes out weekly.

Photo: A natural elements creation I photographed while vacationing with my family on the Olympic Peninsula, WA.

Time

My family and I just returned from a fabulous trip to the Big Bend National Park area.

This remote 800,000 acre national park is one of the most diverse and unusual—mountains/desert/river all in one area—and one of the least visited. You are literally “out there” on the border of Texas/Mexico. The area is very sparsely populated and it can take hours just to drive from one hiking trail or hot spring to another.

I love Big Bend because it’s very quiet (we could hear a hawk’s wings thunderously flapping as he flew through the still, monstrous Santa Elena Canyon). And at night, very dark (it’s recorded one of the darkest spots in the US). And, the few people who actually choose to live in this wild natural setting, are wonderfully eccentric.

I also love going out to Big Bend because the experience caused me to question time: how I do it, how I experience it and how self-imposed our ideas about time actually are.

I remember years ago a photography teacher stopped me dead in my tracks after I apologized for not being able to come in early for an evening printmaking session, due to my work schedule. He challenged me by saying it was my choice. I thought he was just trying to be a jerk and then it hit me—oh yeah, I do choose how to spend my time. Every minute of it and how fast or slow I choose to go.

We slowed way down during our trip. You had to (heck, it took an hour just to drive to pick up a six pack of Tecate). And I loved the pace.

During the trip, I was flooded with creative ideas, deeply symbolic dreams, inspirations about my work and was able to have some seismic shifts about how I see things ...because I was so slowed down. (Creativity experts write extensively about how when we move into the more playful/free flowing hemisphere of our brain, we are able to access our best ideas and solutions.)

Even though many would consider my current lifestyle and work pace to be steady—but not crazy—I’m realizing it’s still too fast for me.

So as I return to work and to the fullest time of year for my businesses (due to events, speaking gigs, retreats, Mother’s Day partnerships, etc.), I’m going to challenge how I “do” time.

When I start feeling that “I have so much to do, I’m never going to get it all done” springtime rush that comes when I look at piles of emails, requests for help, phone calls and to-do lists, I’m going to pause.

Maybe it can wait until tomorrow or next month? Maybe I can ask for help? Maybe this activity is really not the best use of my time? Or maybe, if I don’t do it all, it won’t make a bit of difference. Other than, I’ll be left calmer, happier and feeling more akin to the tortoise than the hare.

P.S. Interested in gathering monthly with other women who are interested in slowing down and living life from the “inside out?” Consider starting/joining a Personal Renewal Group in your community? Hundreds of groups are meeting around the US/Canada and Europe for moms/women at all life stages and more are starting each week. I also invite you to slow down and take time to really nurture yourself at my upcoming Spring Self-Renewal Retreat at The Crossings, April 24-26.

The Journey, a blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey to life balance, comes out weekly. Subscribe here. For more information on Renee’s upcoming events, click here.

Photos: Santa Elena Canyon and sun setting over the Christmas mountains, Renee Trudeau.

Alive

Although it’s been challenging juggling everything this month, I am really enjoying my January writing sabbatical. And, it’s headed in a completely different direction than I had thought—but I’ll save that for another time.

Creating mental space—where I can actually allow my thoughts to slowly meander where they like, as opposed to the daily rush of reacting to endless requests-- has really allowed me to remember what invigorates, inspires and makes me come alive.

I started a weekly Intuitive Arts painting class with Fire Tree Studio—a gift from my siblings for my 43rd birthday; last weekend, my family attended an amazing photography exhibit called Workers-- about the world’s laborers and this past Saturday night my husband –a Brazilian drummer—and I stepped out of our comfort zone and went two-stepping at the world-famous Broken Spoke, one of the oldest dance halls in Texas, where legend Dale Watson was playing. This Friday, as I celebrate my birthday with my five brothers and sisters, we will all be hitting a local roller skating rink—something I haven’t done in probably 17 or more years!

And, after months of begging from my six-year old, we finally got it together to volunteer and go out on a Mobile Loaves and Fishes truck (am amazing Austin-based nonprofit that feeds and clothes the homeless and poor), and traveled to halfway homes and government housing on a cold, dark week night, offering meals, support and a little conversation to our neighbors on the east side of town.

Later that night, my son couldn’t stop talking about the experience (he actually served people directly from the back of the truck offering them their choice of fruit, chips, etc.) saying, “this was the best day of my life!” He later shared with my husband as he was tucking him in that night, that he used to think the homeless were different from him, but he now realizes they’re his brothers and sisters.

All of these experiences made me feel alive. They are the kinds of things I have always done since I was a young kid. They are who I am.

I love to express my creativity and soak up the various ways others express their creative spirit, too (more on this in my next Life Balance Newsletter). My mother, a classically trained musician, used to love to open all our windows when the weather was nice and put on Bach's Brandenberg Concertos to inspire us when we were little. Creative expression was a constant in our household.

I feel, in times of uncertainty, it’s always wise to return to that which feeds us from the “inside out.” And, reminds us of who we really are and what really matters.

What makes YOU come alive? I’d love to hear your stories!

P.S. We’ll be exploring our creativity as an essential part of developing a self-care practice at the Spring Women’s Self-Renewal Retreat at The Crossings. I’d love to see you and your mothers/sisters/girlfriends there!

P.S.S. I also wanted to recommend a beautiful, much-needed book for working moms written by my friend Phaedra Cucina, who expressed her creativity through the creation of her new heart-felt book “My Mommy’s on a Business Trip.” The book tells of the “adventures” of business travel from a young child’s point of view, with the endearing message that mom misses her and is coming home soon. Available exclusively at http://www.mommytrip.com/,

Birthing Something Creative

Last week while at the park late one afternoon with my son and two other moms and kids, one of my friends asked me about a unique aspect of my upbringing. It was the fourth time in about 3 days the Universe had presented me with this theme. (I'm a believer in the "three times and there's a message here for you" school of thought.)

Something's definitely coming down the pike (or rising to the surface) for me.

I remember two other times in my life (when I conceived of and launched my first business and when I was guided to write "The Mother's Guide to Self-Renewal") when I felt the same feelings that are moving within me now.

It's a scary, "bigger than you," woozy kind of stirring in your depths that signals, buckle your seatbelt, something new is trying to come through you--whether you like it or not!

To me, it's personally very exhilerating to also realize that there are forces larger than myself and--I believe-even a divine timing to things that is beyond my control.

I have no idea when or how or where this new idea or expression will come through, but I remain open. A commitment to being open, I think, is sometimes all we can and need to do.

I'll keep you posted as things unfold. I love the following quote from well-known artist/dancer Martha Graham. It really captures what I'm attempting to express:

"There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and it will be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is nor how valuable nor how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open. You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work. You have to keep yourself open and aware to the urges that motivate you. Keep the channel open. ... No artist is pleased. [There is] no satisfaction whatever at any time. There is only a queer divine dissatisfaction, a blessed unrest that keeps us marching and makes us more alive than the others"'