Self-Compassion

Last week I had a day where I felt like I was swimming through steel cut oatmeal (as my west Texas therapist friend Donna likes to say).

I was judgmental and finding fault with every person, group, situation, scenario I was bumping up against.

And when I meditated, the thoughts I usually watch dance by like twigs rolling down a river, were as thick as cement running through my veins.

But my saving grace was I knew it. There was a level of discernment happening thanks largely to a presence coach I began working with almost 17 years ago that introduced me to the principles author/therapist Richard Carlson taught around the connection between thought and mood.

Even though I couldn’t easily pull myself out of this funk, I knew I was responsible for feeling yucky. I was the originator of these negative thoughts. These pesky, multiplying “tribbles” (remember these on Star Trek?) were having a field day at my expense. And yes, the quickest way to change my mood was to change my thinking, but that morning, this task looked as daunting as climbing Mount Everest.

So I acknowledged where I was. Reached out and asked for some support. Kept my expectations low around my work output. Tried to laugh at myself (“You’ve got to be kidding ….you think I’m going to believe THAT?!). Drank a tall glass of self-compassion and sat with the reminder that this too shall pass.

And it did. Friday came and after I had the opportunity to teach a workshop for an amazing, inspiring group of professionals, I was reminded of who I really was. And that I am not my negative thoughts.

And what I truly desire is that I’ll remember to be grateful when my mood is high and graceful when it’s low.

Because one thing I’m guaranteed of for the rest of this life is that the thoughts will keep coming. And some days when I’m lucky, I’ll get to watch them float by on the river, waving from the banks. While others, I’ll find myself jumping on their tenuous raft and floating down the murky stream right along with them, rats and all!

P.S. Each quarter I take a personal/business planning retreat to help me determine how best to use my energy/time to support my businesses in the coming 3-6 months. If you're self-employed and needing focus, an energy boost, high level, strategic coaching support and to be reminded of why you do what you do this fall, consider joining me on Sept. 16 at Casa de Artistas in Austin. I love these visioning retreats and always leave with clear, grounded direction.

Note: I'm out on a writing sabbatical this summer and we're surveying the Emotional and Spiritual Health of Families for my new writing project. If you have 5 minutes to tell me about your family culture, I’d love to get your input (and feel free to share with friends/lists): http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/RXZ88GR

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The Journey, a blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey and living life from the inside out, comes out weekly.

Photo: Roses from my sister's blessingway. They say the rose is symbolic of compassion for self and others. I'll have another round.

Dancing with the Devil

The “devil” –if he lives—is our own negative thought patterns dragging us through the dirt into a self-created hell. Whether we choose or refuse this dance is fortunately up to us. Anonymous

Have you ever had something really “bad” happen and then right on its heels, other “bad” things keep happening? And then, you find yourself just waiting--or maybe even seeking out--the next roadblock in your path?

This recently happened to me. I just permanently lost ten years of intellectual property including a book manuscript from a remote back-up hard drive (this was the only copy). From there, things seem to keep getting worse. At the same time I was engaged in this drama, I was also observing my own thinking. It was as if a part of me was saying “Come on Universe—is that all you’ve got?! You can do better than that! Bring it on!”

Can you relate?

This negative downward spiraling thinking can be quite seductive (just look at Van Gogh), but it’s the dance of despair. I remember being a young girl and watching my mom engage in this two-step quite often—it was truly like a watching a runaway train.

It’s quite easy to pull up a chair and feast at the all-you-can-eat negative thought buffet and focus on what is going wrong rather than what is going right. (Many psychologists will argue that this is our natural orientation.)

But it’s exhausting. And, it gets old really fast.

So this morning, after my slew of “bad luck,” I became tired of this game and challenged myself to come up with three things that are really going “right” in my life right now. Simple, but it works. (And usually I can easily come up with more than three!)

This exercise helped me gain perspective and remember, oh yeah, emotions are like clouds. If I'm feeling discomfort in the moment, hang tight. The weather forecast is due to change shortly!

So my dance with the devil has ended for now. He’ll have to go find another gullible partner. I’m moving on.

AN INVITATION: Interested in experiencing more balance in 2010 and tapping into the power of self-care? Learn how you can join or become trained to lead a self-renewal circle for women. And, view all upcoming events, including our highly popular, bi-annual Jan. 29th The Career Strategy Workshop here.

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The Journey, a blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey to life balance and living life from the inside out, comes out weekly.

Photo: The merry-go-round in the Boston Commons. It's goes round and round, just like our negative thinking. Will you get off or stay on?

Slowing Down

Have you noticed how speeded up we all seem to be lately? Pulling into my gym parking lot this morning, you would have thought they had just announced “the first 20 to enter the front door this morning win a free trip to Europe!”

Why are we in such a hurry? How is it affecting our interactions with one another? With how we parent? Not to mention our physical and emotional well-being (pay attention to your physical sensations when you’re in the “chicken with its head cut off” mode ... usually your stomach, upper back or chest are screaming for you to move to the slow lane). And, it seems to me we’re moving even faster than we were a year ago (or maybe I’m imagining this!). I would attribute some of this to technology and how we now use email, cell phones and PDAs, etc. Most of my career coaching clients site the constant inability to “unplug.”

Twelve years ago I was introduced to a philosophy/approach which advocates Slowing Down. In fact, the coach I was working with who suggested I start to become aware of how how "present" I am in my day-to-day life, told me I would actually be more effective at work if I slowed down! (Check out Slowing Down to the Speed of Life by Richard Carlson/Joseph Bailey to get a taste of the approach I was introduced to : http://www.amazon.com/Slowing-Down-Speed-Life-Peaceful/dp/0062514547.) At the time, I thought she was crazy.


Thank God (and the coach who helped me shift to begin balancing“being” with “doing”), that has changed. I have now developed an aversion, an actual distaste for living and working at breakneck speed. Sure I do it sometimes, but my body starts setting off very loud alarms that it goes against my natural rhythms and innate health.

What is the speed at which you’re living? Are you pummeling through life in a race car, moving along in a steady Chevrolet, zipping around on a Vespa, soaking up your surroundings on a horse and buggy or maybe you’re on foot? Is the speed at which you’re living your life working for you? How do you feel when you wake up each morning? When you go to bed at night? I’d love to hear your thoughts on this.

There has been a lot of press about adopting a Slow Food movement. I like it. But first, maybe we all need to start supporting a Slow Life movement. What do you think?