Interconnected

I was raised by parents who felt strongly about serving and giving to others, whether that be taking kids from the local orphanage out with us on Sunday family outings, generously supporting a family in our church community whose house had burned down, buying 100 boxes of Girl Scout cookies to give to neighbors or purchasing a refrigerator for our Laosian babysitter who was raising five children in addition to helping my mother with her seven.

I had never really made the connection about how strongly my parent’s actions and attitudes affected my perspective on service and volunteerism until our Biz+Balance Meeting (www.careerstrategists.net/b-b) last Thursday night when we explored the topic of community service and how it impacts our children, our businesses, our passions and our hearts.

My mom was a huge Mother Theresa fan. I think of a quote once shared by this amazing peace advocate "Service is compassion in action."

This idea really captures the best of my mom. She might have struggled with self-love and at times was not there for us emotionally --but she was incredibly compassionate towards others, both friends and strangers.

Many of us care so deeply about the causes and atrocities that we're grappling with as a society--both in our own cities and globally--that we get overwhelmed and we turn away or shut down, thinking what can I really do that will make a difference?

One of the entrepreneurs at our Biz and Balance gathering brought up a great point, though.

While many of us do choose to jump in and get involved in our local communities in big ways and small ways--whether it be stocking cans at the local food bank, starting a foundation to promote girls' empowerment or handing out water and sandwiches to the homeless , aren't there just as many opportunities to serve those right around us who desperately need our help?

The friend who has two kids with special needs and hasn't had an overnight trip away with her husband in seven years ..... the co-worker’s sister who just got divorced and is struggling to find work....the mom in our book club who just needs someone to really listen and be present for her..... the recent college grad who is struggling with depression and needs referrals for support .....the young Korean boy in your son’s kindergarten class who just moved her and is struggling to assimilate and make friends?

I believe we are all interconnected, and the more we reach out and are present to one another’s pain and suffering the stronger we all become. (And it becomes easier to embrace this esoteric idea that we're all one.) I believe ultimately a huge shift in consciousness could come about, not when we are all finally mediating 30 minutes every morning --although that certainly wouldn't hurt things--but when more and more of us begin reaching out and helping one another make it through this sometimes scary, often isolating and perplexing but wondrous world.

P.S. Beginning July 1, I will be on a six-week writing sabbatical. Before you envision me sitting in the Himalayas writing on papyrus leaves, what this actually means is I am “giving” an idea that has been tapping me on the shoulder for a year, four hours of dedicated time each week day. I’ll be playing, writing, exploring, questioning a theme which greatly interests me and I’ll be posting weekly to share my insights on what it’s like to dedicate space in your life to exploring a creative endeavor.

P.P.S. I also just got back from a retreat with http://www.joanborysenko.com/ and I can’t stress how crucial it is—I believe—that we all take time to “retreat from the world. I hope you can sit down and create the space in your schedule this summer or fall to take a retreat. My last newsletter shares some ideas on this:
http://reneetrudeau.com/htmlemail/june2008.html . And, if it speaks to you, consider joining me at my women's self-renewal retreat in late September!

People

I love meeting, learning about, listening to, watching and studying people. I think the human experience is fascinating.

My husband and son and I attended an amazing arts festival in San Antonio, TX yesterday set on the grounds of a 150-year old convent. There were people there of all shapes, sizes, colors, ages, all soaking up great food, aguas frescas, amazing art from around the U.S. incredible music and shade from century-old oak trees.

The three of us relaxed on the grass and rested near a beautiful 7-foot tall stone waterfall sculpture. Nearby, families laughed and squabbled, couples kissed, talked and drank beer and children ran every which way.

I love people and my work as a career and life balance coach over the last nine years has opened up and expanded my heart like I could have never imagined. Hearing executives, artists, sales directors, public policy advocates, moms, software developers and HR leaders share their insecurities, vulnerabilities and fears around their careers and lives, really makes you realize we’re all “one” and truly desire the same things in our lives (once we’re able to get in touch with this).

I’ve had some really difficult—yet amazing—learning experiences lately with people (really whom I barely knew), that have taught me a lot about how I see people: what I call my lens or filter for how I choose to view and interact with those around me.

My husband calls my view a “positive prejudice.” What makes me a really good coach—my ability to hold possibility/potential for others and to be very caring, acccessible & open—sometimes affects me adversely in my day-to-day interactions.

I always expect the best from people and I tend to expect their interactions with me to be on the level at which I interact with them, rather than just meeting them where they’re at. I also have a naturally compassionate orientation, which often spills over into all my interactions with people—regardless of how well I know someone.

I’ve really had some “ah-has” lately around this and how this “positive prejudice” (for lack of a better word) impacts my life. Don’t worry, I’m not becoming cynical or losing hope or optimism, but am I becoming more observant and aware about my patterns.

I think we all have general biases (even if they’re very subtle) about how we tend to think about everything--particularly people. I have some friends who tend to be distrustful or cynical about others, some who think everyone is always asking “what’s in it for me?”, some who tend to always feel inferior—or superior—to their neighbors, some who feel we’re all here to help each other and others who feel as if we're all essentially in our own lifeboats, fighting and struggling to make our way in the world.

What is your lens for how you view others? Before you say, “I wait to get to know people to make any observations,” I’d challenge that belief. Most of us have a general orientation towards the world and toward others. People are ....... (fill in the blank). What is your filter and how does it affect your life experiences (one-on-one and in groups)?

Photo above: Melissa Winkler/The IRC. Women in the Democratic Republic of Congo where this is a horrible war being waged against women. Visit www.theirc.org to learn more about how you can help.