How's Your Heart?

Friday, March 30th was the 12 year anniversary of my mother’s death.

I’ve lost three family members prematurely and these anniversaries always affect me--even if I don’t remember the dates until after the fact.

My healthy and active parents both died of heart ailments (I’ve never thought that was a coincidence, given they lost their third child-- my brother Geoffrey--when he was 20). My dad had a sudden heart attack at 55 and my mom went into congestive heart failure brought on by the flu at the young age of 59. They left six children behind.

I always get extra sensitive around these anniversaries. And last week, it seemed many in my community were feeling tenderhearted as well (everywhere I turned---board meetings, gatherings, workshops, dinners—the tears were flowing; it was an emotionally charged week for many).

It seems sometimes we’re moving so fast and spend so much time in our heads, we forget that we need to take time for emotional check-ups. Just like going to the optometrist, the dentist or seeing your doctor for a physical, we need to pause for emotional self-care, too. (Read more.)

The groundbreaking book HeartMath, which introduced us to the concept of the “intelligent heart”  says that our emotions create physiological responses in the body—both good and bad—depending on how we’re feeling. Over the last ten years, research has revealed that the heart is much more than a blood-pumping machine.

So last week and this past weekend, I paused. And took time to focus on the care and feeding of my heart.  For me, this often looks like:
• Slowing down and feeling my feelings (the good, the bad and the ugly)
• Allowing myself to live with polarities (read more) and embrace the unknown
• Surrounding myself with people who let me show up warts and all
• Balancing giving/receiving (masculine and feminine energies)
• Practicing extreme self-care (I cancelled all activities this weekend so I could hole   up at home with my family)
• Attuning to my portals for renewal: nature, my women’s circles, yoga and movement, heartfelt conversation, being with my beloved
• Making time for my daily practice of meditation and sometimes, journaling
• Connecting with my wise self—my inner teacher
• Attuning to my natural rhythms and nature’s rhythms,rather than other people’s demands  or schedules (read more)
• Allowing, flowing and being flexible as I move through my day—rather than pushing and  forcing things to happen

When I woke up Monday morning, I felt different. I felt nourished—from the inside-out.I felt alive and grateful. My sweet heart--was happy and full.

Personal invite: interested in exploring what emotional self-care and self-acceptance would look like for you? Join me at an upcoming Spring Renewal Retreat (April 13 is just for small business owners).

P.S. Heard about our global I Choose Love PSA? Learn more about how letting your heart take the lead can impact your life in big and small ways.

I love to hear from, connect with and meet The Journey readers at our events. I invite you to:  

• Find Your Tribe: Join or become trained to lead Personal Renewal Groups for women
• Attend a retreat/event including my April 13th Empowered Entrepreneur Retreat and my April Esalen and June Kripalu retreats and check out all upcoming events
• Learn about Live Inside Out and receive weekly inspiration on our Live Inside Out Facebook Community
• Pick up my life balance title The Mother's Guide to Self-Renewal from the library or buy it here
• Read past issues of my Life Balance newsletter
• Take Action: Contact one of our career or life balance coaches for 1-on-1 support; receive an initial complimentary consultation
• Empower Others: Schedule Renee for a private workshop or retreat for your company or organization
• I Choose Love PSA: a reminder that when we come from love--one of the most powerful yet underutilized forces on the planet--we have the ability to transcend fear and remember what we're really hear to do: give and receive love. Learn more.

Subscribe to The Journey, a weekly blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey to creating balance from the inside out.

Photo: Two dear, beloved friends who nurture my heart and whose love and support are key to my emotional self-care. Deborah Kern middle and Margaret Keys right. This picture was taken a couple of years ago at a women's circle honoring "gifts from our grandmothers."

Welcome Mat

I just finished writing our February life balance newsletter on emotional health and cultivating the ability to not take things personally. (Sign up here if you’d like to receive it on Wednesday.)

And for me, a big piece of emotional health has been allowing myself to feel what I’m feeling—regardless of whether or not I like it.

My brother Kert, a qi gong teacher currently living in China (read his fascinating blog on his experience here) has been one of my biggest teachers around allowing--rather than resisting--uncomfortable feelings to come knocking.

And, more and more I’m realizing the ability to “be” with what I’m feeling--rather than run from, ignore, stuff, avoid or “positive-thought” these visitors away—is essential to growing into who I’m meant to be. And, it’s also an opportunity to harvest the gifts that come from living with the light and the dark … with polarity (read more).

So as I approach the anniversary of my sweet brother’s death in a couple weeks, a time when I often feel particularly fragile, I plan to embrace and sit quietly with any visitors that may come calling. Regardless of the gifts they may bring. The welcome mat is out. The kettle is on. I’m ready when you are.

THE GUEST HOUSE
This being human is a guest house.

Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!

Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.

He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice.
meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.

Be grateful for whatever comes.
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

-- Jelaluddin Rumi, 13th Century Mystic Poet

I love to hear from, connect with and meet The Journey readers at our events. I invite you to:

>Find Your Tribe: Join or become trained to lead Self- Renewal Groups
>Attend a retreat/event
>Join the Dialogue on our Live Inside Out Facebook Community
>Pick up The Mother's Guide to Self-Renewal from the library or buy it here
>Download FREE Live Inside Out Teleclasses and read my January Life Balance newsletter
>Take Action: Contact one of our career or life balance coaches for 1-on-1 support; receive an initial complimentary consultation
>Empower Others: Schedule Renee Trudeau for a private workshop or retreat for your company or organization
>Subscribe to my life balance blog The Journey for weekly inspiration

The Journey, a blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey and living life from the inside out, comes out weekly.

Photo: Renee Peterson Trudeau. The skies and mountains of the Olympic Peninsula (WA state). Like the changing weather in the Pacific Northwest, our emotions come and go just as quickly. I recently read that a feeling, on average, only lasts 4-5 seconds.

Trusting

Last night I had the opportunity to have dinner with a dear friend who just celebrated her 49th birthday. We ate at one of my favorite restaurants located in an old house in East Austin, surrounded by two acres of beautiful gardens filled with seasonal, organic herbs and veggies—which end up on lucky diners’ plates each night.

Sitting in a beloved restaurant I’ve had been coming to for more than 18 years (possibly even sitting in the same chair I sat in back then) I had flashbacks of eating here in my twenties with friends from the advertising/public relations agency world I used to inhabit.

I was struck by how different my “inner world” is now than it was then. Those were fun, creative and emotionally turbulent times for me. And, I recognize now that I had a constant low-grade anxiety running through my system.

For the most part, I believed that my inner or emotional state was totally dependent on what was going on around me (if I received high kudos at work=had a good day .... didn’t get a call from the guy I went out with the night before who I wasn’t even sure I liked=bad day).

Like all of us, I’m navigating some personal and professional challenges right now, but most of the time, I have a deeper sense that everything is and will be ok. No matter what.

Not that I’m walking around 100% of the time in a state of bliss, but I do feel a sense of quiet and inner peace that is stronger and more unwavering than any “problem du jour.”

Maybe this is one of the gifts that come from “the mellow forties,” my friend and I theorized over our chocolate almond torte. Maybe all the personal growth work we’ve done is finally taking hold (or the merlot we’re drinking has us believing this is so). Or maybe it’s simply that we’re finally learning to let go and trust that all is well, or as self-care advocate Cheryl Richardson says, “The Universe is conspiring in my favor.”

I’m going to place my bet on the latter. Whenever I challenge my career/small business coaching clients to get quiet and move into that trusting place—that good things are unfolding for them and that people around them want to support them and help out--they visibly shift and their thoughts, actions words begin to come from a place of wisdom and knowing, rather than reactivity.

What helps you move into a state of trusting? What reminds you that things are aligning to support your highest good?

I think we’d all agree, that in the current state the world is in, it’s essential that we all find this place within us. And that we do all we can to support in others in doing the same.

P.S. Check this out: a few of my colleagues that are doing all they can to support others in finding their trusting place: Diana Amorde, Karly Randolph Pitman, and Byron Katie. I highly recommend their work.

Photo: ©2008 Bill Stevenson and World of Stock.

Following a Calling

I remember the final two years working as a communications director for a multi-faceted organization before I left to start Career Strategists, as being one of the most frustrating and often difficult, periods of my life.

I knew I was ready for something totally different, but I just didn’t know what it was. I was in the valley and wanted out—NOW! I wanted to know what awaited me and I was tired of waiting for it. One of the many inspirations that helped me make it through that period and get in touch with my own inner wisdom, was “Callings: Finding and Following an Authentic Life,” by Gregg Levoy. He shares that when you follow a calling, you can usually be assured you’ll be surfing waves of fear and uncertainty on a continual basis, but--you will never feel more alive (scared as hell, but living large!).

In many ways, I feel I’m back there again.

In 2003, halfway through leading my first Personal Renewal Group, I remember very vividly, sitting at a coffee house with my laptop in front me, thinking “there is no way I have the time—or even desire—to write a book (PRG members had been sharing our group exercises with their friends around the U.S. and kept asking for a ‘workbook’).”

Immediately after this thought, I placed my fingers on the keys and said, “Ok, if I were to consider writing this, what would the titles of the twelve chapters be (we follow a month-by-month format)?” In five minutes the themed chapter titles (that you currently see in the Guide) were staring back at me and I felt the hair stand up on the back of my neck. I remember thinking, “something is going on here and I have a feeling, it’s bigger than me.”

Fast forward almost four years and numerous life changes later, and I have made the (crazy?) decision to cash out our savings/retirement and self-fund a national women’s initiative centered around “The Mother’s Guide to Self-Renewal.”

Our formal launch is this month and the response to the program has been incredibly encouraging (when I get an email from a woman in Vancouver or Madison or Sacramento interested in starting or joining a Personal Renewal Group, it makes my day!). But, it doesn’t mean I don’t have many hours and days when I wonder “did I sign up for this?", “when do I get my old life back?” and “how do I sustain a national initiative emotionally and financially through its early stages?”

And the answer is, “who knows?” The first group I started was purely out of my own need to have a dialogue with mothers beyond what our kids were eating, doing or saying. And, to really explore and dive into what this transition means to each of us and how we reconnect with who we are. And, ten groups later now, I keep leading PRGs because they help me stay grounded and remind me about the power of self-care and who I really am.

Honestly, I feel as though I was tapped on the shoulder to help shepherd these messages along and all this just happens to be unfolding at a time when mothers are really ready for this work and to begin sharing/ supporting one another in deeper ways. Who’s to say what will unfold over the next twelve months. Whatever it may be, I am grateful for the experiences thus far and while serving others is incredibly fulfilling, I know how important it is to also keep my self-care and my family’s emotional well-being in check, too. (More later--this was a big challenge this past spring.)

I have always resonated with the phrase, “Life is not a business to be managed, it’s a mystery to be lived.” Looking forward to embracing more of the mystery this summer.

P.S. Check out an excerpt from “Callings,” at: http://www.gregglevoy.com/character_courage_callings.html. A truly amazing book.

P.S.S. If you feel your calling is focused around empowering other women, you might want to consider getting trained to lead a Personal Renewal Group. If you do, buckle your seatbelt, it's quite a ride!