Unplugged

Are you really living your life ... or are you watching your life being lived?

Last night my husband told me he “likes me better the way I am right now.”

I’m at the beginning of an 8-week writing/creativity sabbatical and the ah-has are coming faster than I can catch them.

I’m really getting that in order to be the fully awakened, conscious parent and partner I want to be, I need to slow down, do less and let go even more than I can imagine (and to my credit, I already do quite a bit of this). I just don’t know what that looks like. Yet. (Here’s my recent post on A Different Way.)

I know I shouldn’t be surprised by all the gifts and revelations that have come from being unplugged (basically off email/social media except for the rare occasion—thanks to an amazing support team), but I am.

Since unplugging, I’ve observed:

-physically my body is so much more relaxed, my shoulders feel fluid and open; my heart rate is slower, I don’t feel that constant adrenaline surge
-my thinking has slowed down …there are more pauses, more space, I’m more reflective and more observant
-I’m more present and less reactive in my relationships (especially with my 9 year old and my husband)
-I’m more creative and more willing to try new things (I feel my perspective on life/work/family is more 360 than the 180 view I usually experience)
-I can sense I’m more tuned into nuances, the shades of grey in conversation and interactions
-it’s much easier to see what matters most (I still have a tall stack of “action items” sitting on my desk from May—interestingly, they seem a lot less urgent now)
-I’m more connected to my rhythms, my environment, nature, my home—things seem more colorful, more vibrant
-my tolerance for everyday stress, pushing and rushing has gone way down (and it was already pretty low)
-I’m beginning to question some of my old habitual behaviors that still re-surface (such as tying my sense of “worth” to my ability to be productive, serve others and experience success)

I’ve officially been “unplugged” for about two weeks now and plan to remain offline through the summer.

Yesterday, after taking a yummy salsa class at Esquina Tango, I headed to Blue Dahlia, a wonderful European bistro, to write.

Things weren't flowing, in fact there were at a dead standstill. I felt like a clunky 14-month old learning to walk--horizontal a lot more than I was vertical.

I grappled with this for a few minutes (feeling my precious summer writing window melting away and upcoming publishing deadlines reaching out to inquire, “So, how are things going?”) and then breathed out, ordered a delicious salad and decided to stop pushing. Instead, I got a massage, took a rest, cooked a wonderful summer vegetable dinner for my family, picked up some books to support my research/new writing project, called some friends for support and let go.

And today, my writing flowed like a stream.

Baby steps Renee, baby steps.

P.S. I’m Surveying the Emotional and Spiritual Health of Families for my new writing project. If you have 5 minutes to tell me about your family culture, I’d love to get your input (and feel free to share with friends/lists): http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/RXZ88GR

I love to hear from, connect with and meet The Journey readers at our events. I invite you to:

>Find Your Tribe: Join or become trained to lead Self- Renewal Groups
>Attend a retreat/event or workshop, including our July 29th Career Strategy Workshop: Find a Fit, Create a Plan, Love Your Work in Austin
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>Pick up The Mother's Guide to Self-Renewal from the library or buy it here
>Download FREE Live Inside Out Teleclasses, join us for our Aug. 25 class on Going with the Flow While Still Getting Things Done! and read past issues of my Life Balance newsletter
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The Journey, a blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey and living life from the inside out, comes out weekly.

Photo: treehugger.com: horse and buggy. The ultimate in low-tech.

Success

I was interviewed last week by a national women’s magazine on the subject of women and success.

It’s got me thinking.

I shared with the editor some of the things my team and I observe through our coaching business:
-how women define success shifts depending on their age and life stage
-the economic crash has impacted how everyone--men and women—view success
-having kids radically changes how most people think about success
-in our post 9/11 era, we all realize how impermanent everything is—this has challenged us to become more introspective and to begin looking at life from the inside-out
-women—who usually wear many hats and are often primary caregivers—often look at success more holistically than men; it’s not just tied to career or finances

But what I find most interesting and what we hear through the facilitators and participants in our Personal Renewal Groups, is that women tend to define success by asking, “Do I have the time, energy and resources to devote to what is most important to me right now?” Interestingly this is also how I define life balance.

Whether it’s working on a book, spending more time with our husbands, launching a new product at work, caring for an aging parent, reducing our hours and not overworking, learning to bake bread, creating more space for outings with our kids, finding work that is fulfilling and meaningful or establishing a nonprofit, our version of what success looks and feels like changes monthly—sometimes, weekly!

I have been planning since last December to devote July to my new project on everyday spirituality. I have looked forward to this writing sabbatical with incredible anticipation.

For me, success was being able to take July off and devote uninterrupted time to my exciting new project.

But, we got the surprising news last Friday that my husband was layed off from his software quality assurance job, so now success is up for re-definition once again, based on my new role as sole breadwinner. (My husband is very supportive and hopeful he'll find a job quickly so I’ll still be able to take this writing sabbatical. Fingers are crossed.)

How do you define success? How has it changed for you in the last 10 years? Do you think men and women define success differently? I’d love to hear your thoughts on this topic here or on our Live Inside Out community.

And, if you are self-employed and interested in getting support around re-defining your relationship to your business and what success looks like for you--join us this Friday, June 11th at The Empowered Entrepreneur in Austin!

JOIN A GROUP, ATTEND A RETREAT/WORKSHOP OR DIALOGUE WITH ME: Would you like support for defining what success means to you? Join us in the cool Berkshire mountains in MA this coming August at the beautiful Kripalu Center for Yoga and Health for our Self-Renewal Retreat Aug. 13-15. One of my favorite spots on the planet and the retreat center that I visit when I'm ready to make a huge life shift! Visit our calendar to learn more about upcoming events including our FREE June 17th Live Inside Out teleclass for couples on Staying Connected to Your Partner and our June 11th The Empowered Entrepreneur workshop.

Also, check out our Live Inside Out community and share how you create balance in your relationship.

The Journey, a blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey to life balance and living life from the inside out, comes out weekly.

Photo: A field of sunflowers in Taos, New Mexico. Just like us, they often look similar but are growing and evolving at their own, unique pace.

Is Life Balance Possible?

This past Thursday I delivered a keynote at a conference to a great group of mid to senior level professionals in the cable television industry.

The topic was Reclaim Your Life: Strategies and Insights for Balanced Living.

I love watching people’s faces when I present.

You can tell before I begin that--assuming they've never heard of me--they’re ready to settle back into their chairs for a boring ho-hum presentation on how to manage your time or get organized. Or that they think I look too young to possibly have anything of great value to impart.

Then, as the program unfolds, they start perking up, shifting in their chairs, taking notes, leaning forward in their seats and finally, the room gets really quiet as I challenge and guide them on a journey to slowing down and being more present; getting clear on what feeds/drains them; focusing on the power of self-renewal and building a support network (read more).

And, when I talk about how these insights will impact their sense of well-being and equilibrium more than any PDA or time management software program ever will—you can see a huge shift in their faces as they begin to feel empowered and open up to new possibilities.

I define balance as having enough time, energy and resources for those things that are most important to you in life. And what’s most important will constantly change.

Although I get hired to speak a lot on work-life balance, I am passionate about teaching men, women and families how to enhance balance in all aspects of their lives: doing vs. being, thinking vs. feeling, giving vs. receiving, working vs. playing, etc.

It’s interesting to ask yourself, “What is my mindset around the topic of life balance?” (Many professionals we work with share honestly that they think it’s unattainable, impossible, too hard, will require them to change too much or is elusive. In fact, recently one of the national groups I spoke to said they just completed an employee satisfaction survey and the majority of their employees would not even check or comment on work-life balance as they felt it was futile).

I know for me, I’m at a very different place around this topic now, than I was in my twenties and thirties (when I used to swing the pendulum from working to the bone/over-exhaustion to monthly visits to massage therapists/retreats centers or weekends away for fleeting moments of calm and peace).

I never considered that there might be a middle ground. That it is possible to experience more peace and well-being in my everyday life—day in, day out.

In my former type A, perfectionist, controlling, over-achiever way, I based my sense of “balance” on what was going on around me. If I had a boss that was difficult, a monster project to manage or a family crisis to navigate, I was convinced my sense of balance—and my health—were destined for the dumpster.

Later, I came to realize that it is possible to live in the middle of the extremes and access well-being on a daily basis—I don’t have to take a retreat or go meditate on a mountaintop for five hours to find peace. When I began to make choices that supported my emotional well-being as my #1 priority and started to look at how I can create balance from the inside-out, everything shifted.

Although it will be a lifelong journey for me (I still to this day, tend to over-commit to things I love to do), I think I’d sum up my current mantra for balance as “A day-to-day choice.” And, the constant reminder to be gentle with myself is ever-present.

What’s your mantra or mindset towards life balance? I’d love to hear your thoughts.

JOIN US FOR AN UPCOMING EVENT: Would you like support for creating life balance from the inside-out? Join us in the cool Berkshire mountains in MA this coming August at the beautiful Kripalu Center for Yoga and Health for our Self-Renewal Retreat Aug. 13-15. One of my favorite spots on the planet and the retreat center that I visit when I'm ready to make a huge life shift! More upcoming events here.

Visit our calendar to learn more about upcoming events including our FREE May 18th Live Inside Out teleclass on Reclaiming Adventure in Your Life and our June 11th The Empowered Entrepreneur workshop.
Also, check out our Live Inside Out community and share how you slow down and unplug.

The Journey, a blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey to life balance and living life from the inside out, comes out weekly.

Photo: St. Francis of Assisi church at Rancho de Taos. Taken on a family trip to New Mexico last summer.

Unplugged

This past weekend I led a Self-Renewal Retreat at The Crossings Spa and Resort for an amazing group of 32 women from around the U.S. It is deeply fulfilling work, but it also takes a lot of energy to “hold the space” for people as they move towards and begin to create the life/career they desire.

So, yesterday, I gave myself the gift of a day off for rest and completely unplugged. No laptop, no cell phone, no email, no phone calls, no responses to requests for help.

I began the day meeting a friend down on Town Lake (a beautiful lake that runs through the center of downtown Austin) for my favorite walk which takes me to the quieter, less populated area of the trail where I also get to see a lot of wildlife—bats, herons, swans, ducks, squirrels, cranes. The weather was amazing and it felt so good to not have to rush back to conference calls or meetings and to really slow down and soak up my surroundings.

Afterwards I asked my body what it needed and then went to Whole Foods (the “mother ship” is located in Austin) and picked up some amazing ripe mangos, sweet strawberries, huge creamy avocados and some brown rice California rolls—yum.

I ended up spending a long time in my beautiful backyard, eating mangos in the hammock, smelling herbs, listening to the birds, picking weeds and just sitting on the rocks around our beautiful water fountain doing … nothing.

Later, I headed upstairs and took a luxurious nap, did some journaling and drawing, pulled out some of the exercises I did at my recent writing/movement retreat and, had some really interesting ah-has (I love looking at deep inner work months or years later and harvesting new insights).

For dinner, I cooked an amazingly yummy broccoli/ginger/crispy tofu stir fry for my family and then went for a lazy walk in our neighborhood at dusk with a dear friend.

It felt like such a gift to really “untether” from the digital world like this.

Usually my days are filled with constant demands for my energy, time, talents and voice and so often this requires a lot of time online.

Last night, I reflected on the gifts that came to me from “unplugging,” including:
• physiologically I could feel my heart beat and blood pressure drop and slow way down
• I was more observant and connected to how things smelled, tasted, sounded, felt
• I was much more present with and attuned to my family Monday evening
• I felt more connected to my feminine or “yin” energy around receiving and allowing and less driven by my masculine or “yang” energy to produce, do, or create outcome (we all--men and women-have both energies)
• I could feel really feel the subtleties of how healing and restorative it is for me to spend time in nature and drink in the sounds/sights/smells from the natural world
• I had immediate clarity around what is essential and nonessential for me to focus on in my work (and life!)
• I could sense how wonderful it felt to “mono-task” and how much my brain enjoyed not being overworked to the point of being ineffective
• I was more connected to my creativity and could feel the stirrings inside of me of something new that is preparing to come forth

I wonder if I spent one day a week “unplugged” how it would affect my work and life?

Could it actually make me more productive on a day-to-day basis? Hmmmm.

Maybe you should try to totally unplug for a day? If you do, let me know. I’d love to hear about your experience.

JOIN US FOR A RETREAT: Would you like support for learning how to focus on your physical/emotional/spiritual and mental self-care? Join us in the cool Berkshire mountains in MA this coming August at the beautiful Kripalu Center for Yoga and Health for our Self-Renewal Retreat Aug. 13-15. One of my favorite spots on the planet and the retreat center that I visit when I'm ready to make a huge life shift!

Visit our calendar to learn more about upcoming events including our FREE May 18th Live Inside Out teleclass on Reclaiming Adventure in Your Life and our June 11th The Empowered Entrepreneur workshop.

Also, check out our Live Inside Out community and share how you slow down and unplug.

The Journey, a blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey to life balance and living life from the inside out, comes out weekly.

Video: the zen water fountain in our backyard is surrounded by three huge rocks and trees/plants--a perfect spot to do ... nothing.

Re-Defining Balance

The other night at dinner my eight year-old son asked us what “ponder” means.

It got me thinking.

Lately, I’ve been getting clearer that I want to reduce the number of hours I work each week.

I am really feeling a strong pull to be even more present with my family and to have more time for family-related activities, like unscheduled downtime in the evenings and cooking (something my son loves to do, too).

While I have a flexible schedule and have created a work day that supports me in picking up my son from school most days –which I am incredibly grateful for-- the pace of my schedule is still too fast.

I want to have time to occasionally go to lunch with friends, take a break to enjoy my hammock or even read the newspaper (none of which I feel I have time to do now as I'm juggling hundreds of daily emails, phone calls, interviews, clients, events, deadlines and programs).

What I’m realizing is the schedule that worked great for me a year ago, doesn’t work for me now.

I define balance as having enough time, energy and resources for those things that matter most—at this particular life stage.

I’m acutely aware that life with my sweet second grader is fleeting and in no time at all, he’ll be leaving for college!

I also know that our wonderful, relaxed family meals every night looking out at the woods behind our house, the incredibly tender evening bed time routine and the thoughtful, heartfelt conversations I enjoy with my precious family are as good as it gets.

So, I intend to map out this new work schedule—which will start Sept. 1--this summer.

I don’t know how I’ll get there—two full-time national businesses do require a fair amount of energy. But, I’m not worried. I know the solution will present itself because I’m so clear and committed to what is most important to me right now and to how I want to spend my time.

And, because ultimately I want to teach my son not just how to observe, think or deliberate (which to me all denote a desired outcome) … I want to teach him about the importance of taking time to ponder life's questions. And I want the time and space to do the same.

JOIN US FOR A RETREAT: Would you like support in re-defining what balanced living means to you? Join us April 23-25 Refresh, Reclaim, Re-Balance: Women's Self-Renewal Retreat at The Crossings Spa & Resort in Austin, TX, but sign up today to ensure your spot. Or, escape to the cool mountains in August and join us at the beautiful Kripalu Center for Yoga and Health for our Self-Renewal Retreat in the MA Berkshires, Aug. 13-15. One of my favorite spots on the planet!

FREE DOWNLOAD of Courageous Parents, Confident Kids: Letting Go So You Both Can Grow--an exciting new anthology including a special section from Renee on the power of self-care. SIGN UP TODAY to get your free copy on April 19-21 only!

The Journey, a blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey to life balance and living life from the inside out, comes out weekly.

Photo: A view of the Boston Harbor from Boston's downtown greenway. A wonderful invitation to ponder what it might have been like to live in this area in the 1700's.

The Great Wide Open

I facilitated a Career Strategy Workshop this past Saturday morning for a wonderful group of men and women in their late thirties to late fifties at various life stages.

I continue to offer this workshop (I’ve been doing it since 2005) because we all have such remarkable shifts in groups.

Often others articulate or explain feelings we’ve been experiencing for a long time, but have been unable to verbalize. And invariably, the feelings of self-defeat, isolation, frustration or overwhelm, slowly start to dissipate and somewhere, a light bulb goes off!

I love to witness these moments—they help me remember what we’re all capable of birthing.

A predominant theme from the workshop—and something we’ve been hearing from many of our clients lately, is, “I have no idea what’s next. For the first time in my life I’m not sure what the next chapter of my career/life is going to look like. It’s like I’m standing on one precipice with my right foot outstretched towards an opposing cliff but there’s a lot of space down below. And anything could happen!”

I call this the great wide open (one way to look this phase of life). Read a short story from one of my mentors Richard Carlson, author of “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff,” on this theme.

We live in a society where it’s not cool to not have a plan.

“What’s next for you?” you’re asked. You better answer like you know what you’re doing or be prepared to be met with an uncomfortable silence.

Americans like to be busy, directive, highly productive, moving up, moving on or moving out. We don’t value pausing, stillness and honoring transitions--the space in between one stage of life and the next. And we certainly don’t congratulate our friends and pat them on the back when they appear to have no clue what to do next?!

But, I think we’re missing the boat here.

Some of the most powerful things I’ve ever experienced or have been inspired to do, came from the void. From the not knowing … the wide open.

What if rather than run to the next thing we think we *should* do, we allow the next thing to come to us? To reveal itself to us. What if a primary part of our job when we’re hanging out in the unknown, is to wait, to listen, to do the inner work to prepare ourselves to receive what is coming our way?

I suggested to my workshop attendees who are currently in this life stage to smile when asked what their “plan” is and to simply respond, “It’s on its way.”

JOIN US FOR A RETREAT: In career/life transition? Would you like support while hanging out in the "great wide open"? Join us April 23-25 Refresh, Reclaim, Re-Balance: Women's Self-Renewal Retreat at The Crossings Spa & Resort in Austin, TX, but sign up today to ensure your spot. Or, escape to the cool mountains in August and join us at the beautiful Kripalu Center for Yoga and Health for our Self-Renewal Retreat in the MA Berkshires, Aug. 13-15. One of my favorite spots on the planet!

Also, sign up here for our FREE Live Inside Out teleclass from 7:30-8:30 p.m. CST on Unleashing Your Creativity. And receive weekly tips on how to live more intentionally through our Live Inside Out Facebook Community.

FREE DOWNLOAD of Courageous Parents, Confident Kids: Letting Go So You Both Can Grow--an exciting new anthology including a special section from Renee on the power of self-care. SIGN UP TODAY to get your free copy on April 19th!

The Journey, a blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey to life balance and living life from the inside out, comes out weekly.

Photo: Man looking over the Cliffs of Moher, Ireland. Wonder what he's thinking?