Gifts from 2011

As we move into 2012, I find myself feeling more quiet and at ease than I have in many years past. While there are many wonderful things coming to fruition around my work, more than anything, I'm just content with being with what is. And whatever may come.

As I close out 2011, what kept circling back for me was the many gifts I received over the past twelve months. Gifts of joy, learning, hardship, friendship, difficulty, perspective, compassion and the invitation to step into a New Way of Being.

I have a tendency to often move too quickly and not fully take in the moment.

So before I fully embrace 2012 and whatever it may bring, I pause to gratefully acknowledge just a few of the gifts I received from 2011 which were catalysts for my growth:

• many beautiful meditation sessions with my Moon Sisters Meditation Circle
• mentoring and support from many dear authors and colleagues including Jen Louden, Laura Berman Fortgang, Linda Bloom, Denise Barack and many others
• sweet gatherings with my Freedom Mastermind group and the work of Don Miguel Ruiz that guided many of our conversations
• my son's incredible, sweet friends, his soccer tribe and patient piano teacher
• the hundreds of divine yoga classes I enjoyed through my yoga home--Yoga Yoga--and my beautiful new friend that I met through this community
• the always nourishing Town Lake hike and bike trail AND the healing Texas hill country that is just steps away from our back door
• the amazing students in the New Way of Being program and how they supported my ability to step into more freedom at work!
• a new book deal with mind/body/spirit icon and publisher New World Library, my wonderful editor and my talented new book agent
• the amazing staff, students and communities at Esalen and Kripalu that make it possible for me to share teachings around the power of self-care
• all the brilliant graphic design/web support I received from the fabulous Amy Hufford/Stellar Planet and the divine Bella Guzman/High Wire Creative
• the Austin Women's Conference and all the wonderful women/men who made it possible for me to speak/participate in this inaugural event (hope it continues!)
• the changes at Primavera Montessori School (and brilliant, adaptable teachers) which brought us many gifts and opportunities for learning and ah-has
• the wake up call around our family's diet and what best supports each of in coming into greater harmony with our bodies (becoming GF was one!)
• my dear friend's generosity and her desire and commitment to our friendship's growth and evolution
• the opportunity to refinance our house at a historically low rate and to explore where we want to be in our fifties and beyond
• my summer writing sabbatical --the space, the time, the insights, the discipline it required
• my husband's unconditional support for my work--and his always interesting, helpful perspective
• the various tribes and communities that support my husband and son including the Austin Samba School and our church community
• my husband's great job (3 miles from our home)and the great team he works with--things which have allowed us to have more flow and space in our days
• Deb Kern's gorgeous spirit/heart and Daring Divas, Claudia Welch's approach to hormonal balance, Carolyn Scarborough's writing coaching, Dianna Amorde's move to S. Austin, Terri Moser's parenting support, Saudra Goldman's writing retreat --wonderful women and friends that support my heart's work
• Lost Pines Hyatt Resort and the Crossings for helping me teach and serve others so graciously
• our dear friends who accompanied us to Big Bend last spring--the place where I received inspiration for my new book
• the thousands of women worldwide who participate in and lead Personal Renewal Groups--for reminding me again and again of what really matters
• my five siblings who always challenge me to question and re-examine how I see the world
• my wondrous son who is my greatest teacher--whether he's sweet, sassy or surly--he's always happy to hold up a mirror to support my personal and spiritual growth!
• my beautiful aging body--which teaches me so much about self-love, self-compassion, the journey called life and my boundless soul

These gifts all asked me to stretch, fully show up AND many required a shift on my part. They gave me opportunities to live from the inside-out. And to let go of that which no longer served me. And so with gratitude I let the dead limbs from the past year fall away as I direct my energy to the new growth that now needs my care and attention.

May I attend to what's before me with grace and power.

Have you heard about the I CHOOSE LOVE public service campaign? It's a reminder that when we come from love--one of the most powerful yet underutilized forces on the planet--we have the ability to transcend fear and remember what we're really hear to do: give and receive love. Learn more and order a tshirt (at cost).

I love to hear from, connect with and meet The Journey readers at our events. I invite you to:

• Find Your Tribe: Join or become trained to lead Personal Renewal Groups for women
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• Learn about Live Inside Out and receive weekly inspiration on our Live Inside Out Facebook Community
• Pick up my life balance title The Mother's Guide to Self-Renewal from the library or buy it here
• Read past issues of my Life Balance newsletter
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Photo: Renee Peterson Trudeau, a field on the outskirts of Taos, NM. Taken on our family vacation last August. 

Relationships Are Hard?

I was nervous about writing this post.

While I’m quite forthcoming and like to “keep it real” around the challenges and ups and downs in my life, talking about my relationship with my partner is totally different terrain.

My parents divorced at age 48 after having 7 kids and 26 years together. Both sets of my grandparents have been through a divorce, my brother--who I am very close to--divorced after 14 years of marriage. And, the couple I idolized in college also divorced after 20-something years of marriage and 4 kids.

My internal dialogue in my twenties and throughout much of my thirties was “Relationships are hard and you don’t really have any great models for how to be in relationship so you’ll probably never be very successful.”

Can anyone relate?

A week ago, my husband and I took our first extended trip alone together since our son was born to celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary (we’ve been together since 1996). We went to Big Sur, CA and the trip was really phenomenal, check out our photos here.

But what was most amazing to me during this trip, was my realization of how much I have changed in the last 10 years---around how I view my husband, myself, our partnership and the whole concept of marriage.

One morning we were hiking down a beautiful sandy trail at Andrew Molera State Park on the Central Coast of CA. We were headed towards the ocean and were the only people on this beautiful, quiet path.

As I often do when hiking in nature and contemplating life, I asked my husband some “thinker” questions about his current life stage (all my male clients reading this are sighing with relief they’re not married to me right now). He paused for a while, shared and then I waited a bit to see if he’d reciprocate and ask me the same questions.

He didn’t.

And I was fine. Actually more than fine.

Ten years ago, I would have been irritated, hurt and possibly angry for hours at his “perceived” insensitivity.

Today, I know three things that changed how I viewed this experience:

1. My beloved is an introvert. He likes to really sit with and chew on things. His internal world is vast, rich and when I throw out an introspective question, he needs time and space to digest it.
2. We don’t need to talk about everything OR go back and forth around a topic to enjoy intimacy. Often our most intimate moments are found in silence.
3. I don’t need my husband to make me feel complete or whole. I know who I am. I am in touch with my needs. And, if something is really important to me, I have no problem bringing it up and exploring it with him. And, he’s always receptive to listening.

I almost felt giddy at this realization as we continued along in silence towards the waves and I let John sit with his thoughts, while I sat with mine. (I did share this ah-ha moment with him later and he felt horrible for not creating more of a dialogue with me until I explained that I wasn’t upset.)

Relationships are hard? Yes, sometimes they are. But how well equipped are we when we show up at the dance? (One of my mentors used to say we’re all going to face our same issues over and over again no matter who we’re married to, so just pick your partner and do-se-do!)

I’ve noticed as I have become more self-aware, more compassionate, more loving towards myself and more attuned to my needs, my partnership has evolved and shifted.

Showing up in the relationship with a full cup rather than a half-empty one seems to significantly change the dynamics.

I certainly don’t have the answers when it comes to making a marriage work.

I still find that cultivating a deeply, evolved, committed relationship is not for the faint at heart and it takes everything I have to be present with my partner day in, day out. And, it continues to be the single most challenging aspect of my life, hands down!

But I also know it's worth it. And being in a close, connected partnership where you support and hold the highest and best for each other--has been rewarding beyond compare.

I just read a wonderful new book by relationship therapists Linda and Charlie Bloom called Secrets of Great Marriages. It’s an anthology of personal stories from 27 couples, all of whom have been married for 15 years or longer. One of the insights many couples shared that stayed with me, is the reoccurring theme that one of the best things you can do to deepen and strengthen your marriage is to know and love yourself. And to make sure your needs are met before trying to support your partner.

Sounds like I just might be on the right track. Or at least beginning to create my own model for what a meaningful, healthy relationship feels like to me. I’ll keep you posted.

P.S. If you’re interested, I’ve listed a few of my favorite relationship resources at the end of the chapter on Staying Connected to Your Partner in my book The Mother’s Guide to Self-Renewal.

JOIN US FOR AN UPCOMING EVENT: Would you like support for getting in touch with your needs and reconnecting with who you are? Join us in the cool Berkshire mountains in MA this coming August at the beautiful Kripalu Center for Yoga and Health for our Self-Renewal Retreat Aug. 13-15. One of my favorite spots on the planet and the retreat center that I visit when I'm ready to make a huge life shift! Visit our calendar to learn more about upcoming events including our FREE May 18th Live Inside Out teleclass on Reclaiming Adventure in Your Life and our June 11th The Empowered Entrepreneur workshop.

Also, check out our Live Inside Out community and share how you create balance in your relationship.

The Journey, a blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey to life balance and living life from the inside out, comes out weekly.

Photo: Big Sur, CA.