Self-Compassion

Last week I had a day where I felt like I was swimming through steel cut oatmeal (as my west Texas therapist friend Donna likes to say).

I was judgmental and finding fault with every person, group, situation, scenario I was bumping up against.

And when I meditated, the thoughts I usually watch dance by like twigs rolling down a river, were as thick as cement running through my veins.

But my saving grace was I knew it. There was a level of discernment happening thanks largely to a presence coach I began working with almost 17 years ago that introduced me to the principles author/therapist Richard Carlson taught around the connection between thought and mood.

Even though I couldn’t easily pull myself out of this funk, I knew I was responsible for feeling yucky. I was the originator of these negative thoughts. These pesky, multiplying “tribbles” (remember these on Star Trek?) were having a field day at my expense. And yes, the quickest way to change my mood was to change my thinking, but that morning, this task looked as daunting as climbing Mount Everest.

So I acknowledged where I was. Reached out and asked for some support. Kept my expectations low around my work output. Tried to laugh at myself (“You’ve got to be kidding ….you think I’m going to believe THAT?!). Drank a tall glass of self-compassion and sat with the reminder that this too shall pass.

And it did. Friday came and after I had the opportunity to teach a workshop for an amazing, inspiring group of professionals, I was reminded of who I really was. And that I am not my negative thoughts.

And what I truly desire is that I’ll remember to be grateful when my mood is high and graceful when it’s low.

Because one thing I’m guaranteed of for the rest of this life is that the thoughts will keep coming. And some days when I’m lucky, I’ll get to watch them float by on the river, waving from the banks. While others, I’ll find myself jumping on their tenuous raft and floating down the murky stream right along with them, rats and all!

P.S. Each quarter I take a personal/business planning retreat to help me determine how best to use my energy/time to support my businesses in the coming 3-6 months. If you're self-employed and needing focus, an energy boost, high level, strategic coaching support and to be reminded of why you do what you do this fall, consider joining me on Sept. 16 at Casa de Artistas in Austin. I love these visioning retreats and always leave with clear, grounded direction.

Note: I'm out on a writing sabbatical this summer and we're surveying the Emotional and Spiritual Health of Families for my new writing project. If you have 5 minutes to tell me about your family culture, I’d love to get your input (and feel free to share with friends/lists): http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/RXZ88GR

I love to hear from, connect with and meet The Journey readers at our events. I invite you to:

>Find Your Tribe: Join or become trained to lead Self- Renewal Groups
>Attend a retreat/event; join me Oct. 14-16 at Kripalu in the amazing cool Berkshire mountains for our Women's Self-Renewal Retreat.
>Join the Dialogue on our Live Inside Out Facebook Community
>Pick up The Mother's Guide to Self-Renewal from the library or buy it here
>Download FREE Live Inside Out Teleclasses, join us for our Sept. 8th class on Going with the Flow While Still Getting Things Done! and read past issues of my Life Balance newsletter
>Take Action: Contact one of our career or life balance coaches for 1-on-1 support; receive an initial complimentary consultation
>Empower Others: Schedule Renee Trudeau for a private workshop or retreat for your company or organization
>Subscribe to my life balance blog The Journey for weekly inspiration

The Journey, a blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey and living life from the inside out, comes out weekly.

Photo: Roses from my sister's blessingway. They say the rose is symbolic of compassion for self and others. I'll have another round.

I Want To Be Free From ...

Last night we gathered with a small group of friends for a Freedom Fest.

No fireworks, hot dogs or Tchaikovsky.

Instead, we enjoyed a lively international potluck (each person brought a dish from a favorite trip they’ve taken) and we asked our guests to bring one thing they wanted to be “free from” this summer: a habit, a worry, a situation, a concern, etc.

Curious who the most popular unwanted house guests were? Anxiety and worry, debt, overwhelm, fear about the future, taking on other people’s “stuff,” resistance to self-care, obligation, and pain and suffering were just a few that gathered around our table.

Originally, when I sat with the question, “What do I want to be free from?” what first came to mind, was email (like many, I’m trying to tame the email dragon).

But as I peeled away the layers of the onion and went even deeper, I realized that all of my busy-ness is caused by the need to produce or create.

We all have this drive and there are positive and negative aspects to this ingrained behavior, but some of us are in “over-drive” when it comes to creating and bringing things to fruition (even if it’s for a good cause, for family, in the name of service/healing/world peace or to create community and foster connection). There are many noble reasons to get busy, but even so--sometimes it all becomes too much.

During the soiree, we passed around a basket of freedom questions: What would happen if I was free from ____________? When was a time I felt most free? What does being free mean to me? What would feeling free at work (or in my marriage) look like? and heard some fascinating perspectives around the theme of “breaking free.”

Before we all said goodnight, we wrote down all the things we wanted to be free from and burned these outside in a clay pot as a symbolic release.

All morning long, I’ve been thinking about the theme of “freedom” and keep coming back to the realization that what we all want most is inner freedom. Freedom from our stressful thinking. From our own reoccurring negative thoughts. We want more interior space. We’re tired of living in a shanty with our own fears and insecurities. We want to live in a mansion---a wide open space where we roam free, react less and respond more. And can breathe. Deep, long, spacious breaths.

Interior freedom. Ahhhhh. Yes, I want to experience more of that for sure.

And, right now, the only way I know how to taste this is to meditate each day—-no matter what.

Dropping into stillness, staying with my breath. Surrendering to the present moment. Because even when my 20 minute sit feels like watching a race car circle madly around a track, I still finish feeling better than when I started. And more and more often, my interior space feels more like somewhere I’d want to actually hang out--somewhere I’d like to live.

At the last minute, we found someone to watch our son this morning and my husband was able to join me for a 9:00 a.m. yoga class. At the end of savasana, the thought appeared in my head, "What am I already free from that I'm not seeing?"

I don't think this freedom theme is ready to depart. I'll be sitting with this new question this week.

Namaste.

P.S. I'm out on a writing sabbatical this summer and we're surveying the Emotional and Spiritual Health of Families for my new writing project. If you have 5 minutes to tell me about your family culture, I’d love to get your input (and feel free to share with friends/lists): http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/RXZ88GR

I love to hear from, connect with and meet The Journey readers at our events. I invite you to:

>Find Your Tribe: Join or become trained to lead Self- Renewal Groups
>Attend a retreat/event or workshop, including our July 29th Career Strategy Workshop: Find a Fit, Create a Plan, Love Your Work in Austin
>Join the Dialogue on our Live Inside Out Facebook Community
>Pick up The Mother's Guide to Self-Renewal from the library or buy it here
>Download FREE Live Inside Out Teleclasses, join us for our Aug. 25 class on Going with the Flow While Still Getting Things Done! and read past issues of my Life Balance newsletter
>Take Action: Contact one of our career or life balance coaches for 1-on-1 support; receive an initial complimentary consultation
>Empower Others: Schedule Renee Trudeau for a private workshop or retreat for your company or organization
>Subscribe to my life balance blog The Journey for weekly inspiration

The Journey, a blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey and living life from the inside out, comes out weekly.

Photo: This sweet guy was swimming in a creek on the Barton Creek greenbelt. My friend, son and I loved watching him dive in the water, enjoying the wide open space.

Dancing with the Devil

The “devil” –if he lives—is our own negative thought patterns dragging us through the dirt into a self-created hell. Whether we choose or refuse this dance is fortunately up to us. Anonymous

Have you ever had something really “bad” happen and then right on its heels, other “bad” things keep happening? And then, you find yourself just waiting--or maybe even seeking out--the next roadblock in your path?

This recently happened to me. I just permanently lost ten years of intellectual property including a book manuscript from a remote back-up hard drive (this was the only copy). From there, things seem to keep getting worse. At the same time I was engaged in this drama, I was also observing my own thinking. It was as if a part of me was saying “Come on Universe—is that all you’ve got?! You can do better than that! Bring it on!”

Can you relate?

This negative downward spiraling thinking can be quite seductive (just look at Van Gogh), but it’s the dance of despair. I remember being a young girl and watching my mom engage in this two-step quite often—it was truly like a watching a runaway train.

It’s quite easy to pull up a chair and feast at the all-you-can-eat negative thought buffet and focus on what is going wrong rather than what is going right. (Many psychologists will argue that this is our natural orientation.)

But it’s exhausting. And, it gets old really fast.

So this morning, after my slew of “bad luck,” I became tired of this game and challenged myself to come up with three things that are really going “right” in my life right now. Simple, but it works. (And usually I can easily come up with more than three!)

This exercise helped me gain perspective and remember, oh yeah, emotions are like clouds. If I'm feeling discomfort in the moment, hang tight. The weather forecast is due to change shortly!

So my dance with the devil has ended for now. He’ll have to go find another gullible partner. I’m moving on.

AN INVITATION: Interested in experiencing more balance in 2010 and tapping into the power of self-care? Learn how you can join or become trained to lead a self-renewal circle for women. And, view all upcoming events, including our highly popular, bi-annual Jan. 29th The Career Strategy Workshop here.

Also, visit Live Inside Out to register for our Feb. 23rd FREE evening teleclass on Good is Good Enough: Releasing Perfection. And sign up to receive weekly tips on how to live more intentionally through our Live Inside Out Facebook Community.

The Journey, a blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey to life balance and living life from the inside out, comes out weekly.

Photo: The merry-go-round in the Boston Commons. It's goes round and round, just like our negative thinking. Will you get off or stay on?