People First, Things Second

As a life balance teacher, I'm always questioning how I can help myself and others come into greater equilibrium--not just around work and life, but around feeling and thinking, being and doing, and giving and receiving.

Yesterday morning I found myself standing in my front doorway staring out at a beautiful oak tree. Bathed in sunlight, I held a cup of lemon ginger tea in one hand and my to-do list in the other.

 

I was waiting for a friend that I was helping out of a financial jam, and beginning to wonder how crucial this hot list of tasks I was holding--that had seemed so important earlier in the day--really were. 
 

The moment felt big and pregnant (ever have those?) and I had the strong sensation that I was being asked to stop everything … and become present to what life was trying to tell me.

 

Over the last few days, I’ve been surrounded by close friends and dear acquaintances who are struggling with big stuff. Life or death stuff. Fork in the road stuff. Questions that don’t have easy or quick answers stuff.

 

One of my son’s teachers lost her 19 year-old son in a fatal car accident right before Thanksgiving (this touched me deeply as my brother was the same age when he died). A close colleague is struggling financially to pay even her basic bills. Another friend has been battling depression and is in limbo around her life purpose and direction. One of my childhood friends is navigating the holidays with her kids after the loss of her husband 5 months ago. Another dear friend, a mother to two young kids, is working herself to the bone and having a hard time seeing a way out of a never ending cycle of overwork.

 

Standing here, frozen in this moment, I'm racked with the questions, "What can I do? How can I best help?" And as I write personal notes to them, leave messages and emails, offer prayers and resources--I'm reminded that this work, however small and insignificant it may feel--is more important than any task, deadline or to-do. Being here for each other is the most important thing there is.

 

So my prayer as I move through December--a time when we're all a bit more tender--is “Guide me how to best serve and help my brothers and sisters who are in my life right now." Because we don't have to go to Africa or a low-income area or a disadvantaged school to find people in need.

 

Help is needed right here, right now and often those whose paths we cross daily are hurting and in dire need of a kind word or deed. But unless we drop the "Gotta get it done" mentality long enough to be fully present and *really* see those around us, we'll miss the call for help altogether. Like I almost did this past week.

Have you heard about the I CHOOSE LOVE public service campaign? It's a reminder that when we come from love--one of the most powerful yet underutilized forces on the planet--we have the ability to transcend fear and remember what we're really hear to do: give and receive love. Learn more and order a tshirt (at cost).

I love to hear from, connect with and meet Live Inside Out readers at our events. I invite you to:

• Find Your Tribe: Join or learn to facilitate Personal Renewal Groups for women
• Attend a retreat/event this spring or hire Renee to create one for your group
• Learn about Live Inside Out and receive weekly inspiration on our Live Inside Out Facebook Community
• Pick up my life balance title The Mother's Guide to Self-Renewal from the library or buy it here or at your local bookstore
• Read past issues of my Life Balance newsletter or Career Management newsletter
• Take Action: Contact one of our career or life balance coaches for 1-on-1 support; receive an initial complimentary consultation
• Empower Others: Schedule Renee for a private workshop or retreat for your company or organization
• Subscribe to Live Inside Out, a weekly blog about coach/author/speaker Renee Trudeau’s personal journey to creating balance from the inside out.

Note: this post was modified from a post that ran in December 2011. It felt especially timely right now.

Aware ... ness

It's 7:00 a.m. I’m sitting at my computer replying to some timely emails before I finish helping my son find his shoes and water bottle and get out the door for school.

He walks into my upstairs office and sits down in the office chair opposite mine and begins to twirl in circles like a mad man, while telling me about a really cool skateboard trick he saw Connor, his 12-year old idol perform last night on our sidewalk.

When this happens—-which is quite often--I usually try and stop for a minute and explain that I can’t give him my full attention until I finish this task, but I'd love to meet him downstairs shortly or could he save the story for dinner time?

Sometimes I do this in gentle tones. Sometimes there’s a sharpness to my voice I wish wasn’t there.

But this morning, I stopped, looked up (I love his earnestness and passion), pushed my laptop aside and really saw him. For a moment, I jumped into his world, imagining how he must have felt watching Connor—wishing his small nine-year old string bean body could do what this testerone-flooded big boy’s could. I could feel how badly he wanted me to experience his excitement at witnessing this force of nature. And for a moment, a veil was lifted, and I did.

And when he left for school with his dad this morning and came to me for a goodbye hug and kiss, I held him tighter than normal and looked intently into his eyes whispering silently, “I see you.”

This five minutes of enlightenment reminded me of Betty Sue Flowers and her son, when she shared at a women’s conference years ago, that to really understand and connect with someone you have to have a desire to move into their world, to occupy their space. Not outside-in, but from the inside-out.

I’m carrying forward this moment into my week with the intention of having “heightened awareness” in how I approach my work, my team, clients, my family, friends and my environment.

I think a lot about being more present and how I can cultivate this quality in my everyday experience (listen here to the class Carrie Contey, PhD and I just led on this theme).

But, I’m realizing there are degrees of “presence.” And sometimes when I think I’m really listening to my son or husband or loved ones. I’m not. At least not like I did this morning with my little guy.

Before my husband and third-grader zipped off to school in our dirty VW, my son rolled down the window and I called out to him from the porch, “Maybe I could get a skateboard and we could try some of those tricks together?” He looked at me funny, “Mom, that would be embarrassing.” And then after a short pause, he added quietly but with hope .. “Would you really do that?” Yes, Jonah, I would.

I love to hear from, connect with and meet The Journey readers at our events. I invite you to:

>Find Your Tribe: Join or become trained to lead Self- Renewal Groups
>Attend a retreat/event or workshop
>Join the Dialogue on our Live Inside Out Facebook Community
>Pick up The Mother's Guide to Self-Renewal from the library or buy it here
>Download FREE Live Inside Out Teleclasses, join us for our Aug. 25 class on Going with the Flow While Still Getting Things Done! and read past issues of my Life Balance newsletter
>Take Action: Contact one of our career or life balance coaches for 1-on-1 support; receive an initial complimentary consultation
>Empower Others: Schedule Renee Trudeau for a private workshop or retreat for your company or organization
>Subscribe to my life balance blog The Journey for weekly inspiration

The Journey, a blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey and living life from the inside out, comes out weekly.

Photos: After a heavy rain, our yard was filled with these critters. When my son brought in eight of them to adorn our bathroom sink and compete in a snail race, I was mortified ... and then delighted. They're actually very cool.

Doing vs. Being

This is the time of year that many of us feel more like human doings than human beings.

Yesterday afternoon, my husband and son went out to work on costumes for one of my husband’s upcoming Samba School gigs.

I had been looking forward to this rare present all day: two to three hours of quiet time alone in my house!

After they left, I hopped online to take care of a few timely work-related items (rare for me as I try to stay offline on the weekends).

Forty-five-minutes later, I looked up and—irritated-- felt the sands of time sifting through my fingertips. My mind raced to all the things I had wanted to do during this window—gardening, hiking, baking, cleaning out my closet, “pure fun” reading, biking (it was gorgeous and sunny in Austin yesterday). And as I noticed all of these distractions waving and running by with hopeful smiles like contestants on the Price is Right, I found my irritation subsiding and realized what I really needed to “do”—was nothing at all.

Finally surrendering, I grabbed a Mexican blanket, headed out into our backyard, found the warmest, sunniest spot I could and laid down on the grass.

Can you relate to any of this?

I think there are three kinds of people:
1. Those who feel they have to “do” to be worthy (they’re constantly in motion; this was me up until about age 35)
2. Those who feel they need to “do their work” before they relax and play (I’m in this camp with millions of other Puritan work ethic devotees)
3. Those who have no guilt ever about relaxing and playing at any time! (My husband sleeps here—in his book “any time is the right time for relaxing!”)

The wonderful, wise author/mind-body expert Joan Borysenko, Ph.D. says, "Remember—your to-do list is immortal. It will live on long after you’re dead."

Being very skilled at the “doing dance,” I can honestly share that it’s quite seductive.

We’re rewarded –particularly in the U.S.—for output. Our national anthem is "Just Do It!" (You don’t hear anyone say, “Can you believe how often she says ‘no’ and how much she’s slowed down? Wow, what a role model!”)

There are many dangers that come from over-doing, but I think one of the deadliest—and scariest for me when I go into over-drive-- is we forget who we are.

I’ve heard many of our Career Strategists clients share in the last ten years “Isn’t there more? I feel like I just go to work, take care of the kids, handle my endless work/home obligations, sleep on the weekends and then start all over again Monday morning.”

When we don’t balance “doing” with “being,” we begin to feel like robots instead of the juicy, creative, vibrant, alive beings that we are.

And we forget that “Life is not a thing to be managed, it’s a mystery to be lived.”

I don’t know about you, but I’ll take pondering life's mysteries over finding a new way to cook chicken breasts, any day.

Onward through the week ... with a bit more mindful attention to balancing being with doing. The best I can.

I love to hear from, connect with and meet The Journey readers at our events. I invite you to:

>Find Your Tribe: Join or become trained to lead Self- Renewal Groups
>Attend a retreat/event including our April 29-May 1 Kripalu Self-Renewal Retreat in the Berkshire Mountains of MA >Join the Dialogue on our Live Inside Out Facebook Community
>Pick up The Mother's Guide to Self-Renewal from the library or buy it here
>Download FREE Live Inside Out Teleclasses, join us for March 31st life balance teleclass and read my March Life Balance newsletter
>Take Action: Contact one of our career or life balance coaches for 1-on-1 support; receive an initial complimentary consultation
>Empower Others: Schedule Renee Trudeau for a private workshop or retreat for your company or organization
>Subscribe to my life balance blog The Journey for weekly inspiration

The Journey, a blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey and living life from the inside out, comes out weekly. (Note: This blog post appeared in a similar format in 2010. It is so timely, I had to share it again.)

Be Here Now ... Really?!

Growing up, my parents used to quote a lot of annoying phrases to me.

They were boomers, intellectuals and spiritual seekers, and were always looking for new perspectives and teachings to expand their minds. (My dad liberally quoted passages to us daily from Einstein, the Bible, Wayne Dyer, Swami Satchidananda, St. Francis of Assisi, Marianne Williamson and others.)

Being big fans of author/spiritual teacher Ram Dass, they often would tell my six siblings and me to just “Be here now!”(read more) when we begged them to take us to a movie or the mall. You can imagine how that was received in teenage ears!

I don’t recall them being overly present during much of the time we were growing up (certainly challenging with 7 kids!), but Lord knows they tried.

This phrase “Be here now” flooded back to me this weekend as I sat on the couch with a nasty full-body cold, wanting to be …at the creativity party I was missing …at my son’s piano recital with my husband … upstairs cleaning my office … outside working on the garden … online sharing about my Friday spring renewal retreat … at yoga class … really, anywhere but where I was. Sick. At home. Immobile.

As a life balance teacher/writer/speaker, I'm very passionate about enhancing the emotional and spiritual health of American families. And, I find it interesting that so many stress management gurus and spiritual teachers believe the answer to everything is to just “Be here now … or be with what is.” (Read more on “Being with what is.”)

Many of them say all suffering and emotional distress would end if we simply stopped resisting being in the moment. If we embraced the "Now." But, boy, when your head is about to split in two, your body feels like wet spaghetti and your nose is running like a faucet-- that can feel really challenging.

But, because I know that discomfort often brings amazing gifts, I was willing to explore this and at least take a look at what would happen if I stopped resisting my uninvited house guest Franny Flu for a while.

As I allowed myself to be sick and be with other scenarios in my life that seem “counter to my desires”—I could feel a sense of peace and quiet settle over me.

And, as I temporarily suspended expectations about work, relationships and other interactions--out went their siblings: worry, anxiety and stress.

So, it looks like there’s something here worth exploring. And, as my dad would say, “You never know when you’ll bump up against enlightenment.” It might even reside at the bottom of a Kleenex box.

A personal invitation: Do you feel overwhelmed, pulled in too many directions or in extreme need of a day completely devoted to enhancing your sense of inner peace and well-being? Join me this Friday, March 4 at Reflect, Reclaim, Re-Balance: Spring Self-Renewal Retreat. Hope to see you there!

I love to hear from, connect with and meet The Journey readers at our events. I invite you to:
>Find Your Tribe: Join or become trained to lead Self- Renewal Groups
>Attend a retreat/event including our March 4 Lost Pines Women's Self-Renewal Retreat coming up this Friday; this is our last Texas retreat until November--bring a friend and save
>Join the Dialogue on our Live Inside Out Facebook Community
>Pick up The Mother's Guide to Self-Renewal from the library or buy it here
>Download FREE Live Inside Out Teleclasses and read my February Life Balance newsletter
>Take Action: Contact one of our career or life balance coaches for 1-on-1 support; receive an initial complimentary consultation
>Empower Others: Schedule Renee Trudeau for a private workshop or retreat for your company or organization
>Subscribe to my life balance blog The Journey for weekly inspiration
The Journey, a blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey and living life from the inside out, comes out weekly.

Photos: Renee Peterson Trudeau; fresh picked raspberries from a farm on the Olympic Peninsula. These babies went straight into cornmeal almond pancakes--yum!

Right Here, Right Now

Following a rich, connective one-day self-renewal retreat I facilitated on Friday, I attended and volunteered at GenAustin’s statewide We Are Girls Conference at the Ann Richards School for Girls all day Saturday. It was an emotionally intense weekend and one of the experiences I can’t shake was during a self-care workshop I led for high school girls and mothers Saturday afternoon.

At the end of our interactive workshop session where we explored the concept of self-care and what our portals are for self-nurturing and nourishment, I gave each woman a juicy Clementine orange.

I invited them to close their eyes and “fill” the orange with whatever it is they most need right now –support, the ability to say no, peace/well-being, self-acceptance, courage,etc. After this reflective meditation, I asked them to slowly smell, peel and then very mindfully, eat their imbued orange—symbolizing the act of fully “receiving” the qualities they had just bestowed upon themselves.

All of the moms in the room—except for one—were single, working women juggling a thousand daily obligations.

After the exercise, they shared how difficult it was to slow down and become that present (I could relate—I had a hard time eating just one section of the orange at a time!). One woman remarked that in her day to day life, she was afraid to slow down that much. She was so tired that she worried if she ever stopped and really allowed herself to become present and feel her feelings, she might not be able to get up to speed again to her normal ninety to nothing pace.

I think most of us resist being present much of the time. It's hard.

But I also know from personal experience, that it’s one of the secrets to experiencing more peace, well-being and harmony in our day-to-day lives.

I’m going to keep a sweet baby Clementine orange on my desk this week at work as I move into an overly-busy schedule and back-to-back events Thursday through Monday.

I’m hoping this visual will help remind me to slow down, to be more conscious, present and remember that overwhelm happens when I live in the future and anticipate all the things that lie before me.

And, the opportunity to feel peaceful exists when I stay right here, right now. In this very moment. And, then the next moment. And then, the next.

"Something wonderful begins to happen with the simple realization that life, like an automobile, is driven from the inside out, not the other way around. As you focus more on becoming more peaceful with where you are, rather than focusing on where you would rather be, you begin to find peace right now, in the present. Then, as you move around, try new things, and meet new people, you carry that sense of inner peace with you. It's absolutely true that, "Wherever you go, there you are." Richard Carlson, author, “Slowing Down to the Speed of Life” and “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff …And, It’s All Small Stuff.”

FIND YOUR TRIBE, ATTEND A RETREAT/WORKSHOP OR JOIN THE DIALOGUE: Would you like support for reconnecting with who you are and focusing on being more present in your everyday life? Join or become trained to facilitate a Personal Renewal Group, visit our calendar to learn more about upcoming events.

Also, check out our Live Inside Out community and read how people are living more intentionally.

The Journey, a blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey to life balance and living life from the inside out, comes out weekly.

Photo: Renee Trudeau--one of the juicy Clementine's from my self-care workshop.

Digesting

di•ges•tion (di jes′c̸hən, dī-);
noun; the absorption of ideas.

I recently listened to a radio interview with acclaimed historian Doris Kearns Goodwin, author of Team of Rivals: The Political Genius of Abraham Lincoln.

She said that when Franklin D. Roosevelt was putting together the New Deal, he would venture out on his sailboat--sometimes for ten days at a time--to contemplate the situation.

John F. Kennedy, she said, had three days to sit with Cuban Missile Crisis before he had to take action.

Obama, if he’s lucky, will have 20 minutes to be with breaking news regarding the war in Afghanistan before the world hears of it on CNN.

I remember working with a career coaching client a couple of years ago who had recently left a toxic corporate environment after ten years and was “in the void”—preparing for her next career phase. She told me she was sure if she could just have two weeks of downtime to process and heal from the scarring experience, she’d be good as new and ready to launch into a new endeavor.

I bumped into her the other day. She shared she was surprised that it had taken her a full 18 months to recover from her corporate experience and digest what she wanted to keep and expel what she didn’t.

My new friend Christine Hohlbaum, author of The Power of Slow and I were visiting recently. Christine agrees that we’re living in a culture that doesn’t encourage us to take time to sit, absorb and fully be with things.

I can’t get this idea out of my head.

What revelations might we all be missing because we’re yes, moving too fast, but also not creating big spaces of time in our lives to really allow ideas to deeply seep into our bones? To fully digest concepts that may surface, but are quickly swatted away, like pesky flies.

I am on a writing sabbatical this month. What that means, is I am devoting roughly 4 hours a day to sit with a theme that has been bubbling up for me for two years. For my personality, it would be very easy to slide into being focused, outcome-oriented and wanting to answer “what is this all leading to?” –but, I’m resisting this urge.

Because right now, I really get that this is a meal I don’t want to rush through.

I have just pulled up my chair and with the utmost of care, I plan to relish and enjoy one long course at a time. So I can truly digest whatever it is that is churning within.

However long it may take.

JOIN A GROUP, ATTEND A RETREAT/WORKSHOP OR DIALOGUE WITH ME: Would you like to receive support and encouragment as you navigate a transition? Join us in the cool Berkshire mountains in MA this coming August at the beautiful Kripalu Center for Yoga and Health for our Self-Renewal Retreat Aug. 13-15. One of my favorite spots on the planet and the retreat center that I visit when I'm ready to make a huge life shift! Visit our calendar to learn more about upcoming events including our FREE July 15th Live Inside Out teleclass on Nurturing Your Spirit.

Also, check out our Live Inside Out community and share how you create balance in your relationship.

The Journey, a blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey to life balance and living life from the inside out, comes out weekly.

Photo: My husband at Julia Pfeiffer State Park, Big Sur, CA. He has the amazing ability to observe, reflect and digest scenery for long periods of time.

Being Present

I love it when the Universe calls me up to the plate, puts a bat in my hands, throws me a big old curve ball and sees how I’m going to react.

I’m really getting the opportunity to practice what I preach right now.

My husband was layed off two weeks ago (he’s doing great, thanks for all your prayers, support and leads for software quality assurance jobs) and is focusing on his job search. While he is feeling calm, excited for what’s next and hopeful about finding something he loves that is close to our home, I am feeling a bit anxious (I had big plans for this summer that may have to change—read more).

I have a deep knowingness that everything will unfold for the best, but I’m finding myself having a hard time staying present.

Summer is my favorite time of year—I love the fresh peaches and basil, I love taking long/cold plunges at Deep Eddy, I love reading, reading and more reading and I love enjoying a slower pace with my family.

I don’t want to give this up and am very mindful that if I allow myself to be preoccupied with worry or go into “the spin cycle” around finances, summer will pass me by and I’ll wake up on Labor Day, having missed some of the best days of the year!

So my intention moving forward is to pause frequently, to enjoy this wonderful, special time of year in Central Texas, to take time to make blueberry-banana smoothies on a stick (my 8 year-old's newest invention) and roasted veggie pizzas, to enjoy lazy, evening neighborhood walks with friends/family, to relish swimming in Texas' many wonderful natural springs and to remember that just because life has thrown us a curve ball, doesn’t mean we have to step out of the game.

JOIN A GROUP, ATTEND A RETREAT/WORKSHOP OR DIALOGUE WITH ME: Would you like to learn strategies for being more present and slowing down? Join us in the cool Berkshire mountains in MA this coming August at the beautiful Kripalu Center for Yoga and Health for our Self-Renewal Retreat Aug. 13-15. One of my favorite spots on the planet and the retreat center that I visit when I'm ready to make a huge life shift! Visit our calendar to learn more about upcoming events including our FREE June 17th Live Inside Out teleclass for couples on Staying Connected to Your Partner.

Also, check out our Live Inside Out community and share how you create balance in your relationship.

The Journey, a blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey to life balance and living life from the inside out, comes out weekly.

Photo: My son and I take a closer look at a small, sweet frog at Hamilton Pool while on a hike.

Unplugged

This past weekend I led a Self-Renewal Retreat at The Crossings Spa and Resort for an amazing group of 32 women from around the U.S. It is deeply fulfilling work, but it also takes a lot of energy to “hold the space” for people as they move towards and begin to create the life/career they desire.

So, yesterday, I gave myself the gift of a day off for rest and completely unplugged. No laptop, no cell phone, no email, no phone calls, no responses to requests for help.

I began the day meeting a friend down on Town Lake (a beautiful lake that runs through the center of downtown Austin) for my favorite walk which takes me to the quieter, less populated area of the trail where I also get to see a lot of wildlife—bats, herons, swans, ducks, squirrels, cranes. The weather was amazing and it felt so good to not have to rush back to conference calls or meetings and to really slow down and soak up my surroundings.

Afterwards I asked my body what it needed and then went to Whole Foods (the “mother ship” is located in Austin) and picked up some amazing ripe mangos, sweet strawberries, huge creamy avocados and some brown rice California rolls—yum.

I ended up spending a long time in my beautiful backyard, eating mangos in the hammock, smelling herbs, listening to the birds, picking weeds and just sitting on the rocks around our beautiful water fountain doing … nothing.

Later, I headed upstairs and took a luxurious nap, did some journaling and drawing, pulled out some of the exercises I did at my recent writing/movement retreat and, had some really interesting ah-has (I love looking at deep inner work months or years later and harvesting new insights).

For dinner, I cooked an amazingly yummy broccoli/ginger/crispy tofu stir fry for my family and then went for a lazy walk in our neighborhood at dusk with a dear friend.

It felt like such a gift to really “untether” from the digital world like this.

Usually my days are filled with constant demands for my energy, time, talents and voice and so often this requires a lot of time online.

Last night, I reflected on the gifts that came to me from “unplugging,” including:
• physiologically I could feel my heart beat and blood pressure drop and slow way down
• I was more observant and connected to how things smelled, tasted, sounded, felt
• I was much more present with and attuned to my family Monday evening
• I felt more connected to my feminine or “yin” energy around receiving and allowing and less driven by my masculine or “yang” energy to produce, do, or create outcome (we all--men and women-have both energies)
• I could feel really feel the subtleties of how healing and restorative it is for me to spend time in nature and drink in the sounds/sights/smells from the natural world
• I had immediate clarity around what is essential and nonessential for me to focus on in my work (and life!)
• I could sense how wonderful it felt to “mono-task” and how much my brain enjoyed not being overworked to the point of being ineffective
• I was more connected to my creativity and could feel the stirrings inside of me of something new that is preparing to come forth

I wonder if I spent one day a week “unplugged” how it would affect my work and life?

Could it actually make me more productive on a day-to-day basis? Hmmmm.

Maybe you should try to totally unplug for a day? If you do, let me know. I’d love to hear about your experience.

JOIN US FOR A RETREAT: Would you like support for learning how to focus on your physical/emotional/spiritual and mental self-care? Join us in the cool Berkshire mountains in MA this coming August at the beautiful Kripalu Center for Yoga and Health for our Self-Renewal Retreat Aug. 13-15. One of my favorite spots on the planet and the retreat center that I visit when I'm ready to make a huge life shift!

Visit our calendar to learn more about upcoming events including our FREE May 18th Live Inside Out teleclass on Reclaiming Adventure in Your Life and our June 11th The Empowered Entrepreneur workshop.

Also, check out our Live Inside Out community and share how you slow down and unplug.

The Journey, a blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey to life balance and living life from the inside out, comes out weekly.

Video: the zen water fountain in our backyard is surrounded by three huge rocks and trees/plants--a perfect spot to do ... nothing.

Living Inside-Out

Every morning on the way to driving my son to school, I take a few minutes to set an intention for the day (i.e. I am wise and focused or I relax into an easy flow). I also invite my seven-year old to do the same. We’ve been doing this since he was about three.

This morning, when I asked him what kind of day he wanted to experience, he responded, “I wish you had a different personality. I can’t believe you think you can actually decide what kind of day you want to have?! You don’t know what’s going to happen around you!” (For those of you who have kids, he’s about to turn eight and in disequilibrium right now!)

Last Friday I had led a career strategy/planning workshop for men/women in their 30s-60s, from various professional backgrounds. I have been leading this workshop since 2005, so it’s very interesting to watch how the economy/job market affects people’s perceptions as they navigate career transitions, job searches and career changes.

A predominant theme during our highly interactive, exercise-based seminar—which challenged participants to reflect on what they want at this life stage, their personal brand, their work “non-negotiables,” and self-limiting beliefs around career/money—was the realization that we’re living in strange times. (There was definitely a lot more belly-button gazing going on than in the past!)

And whether we’re ready or not, we’re being challenged to get clear on what matters most, what our values are and what is in our “heart of hearts.”

Our old model that “appeared” to work for many –relying on a stable job, a robust 401K, retail therapy and the illusion of safety to bring us happiness—turns out, we’re realizing, is a house of cards.

So, if we can’t count on our external safety blankets to enhance our sense of peace and well-being, where does that leave us?

Possibly with an invitation to look at what it might mean—or be like—to live life from the inside-out, rather than the outside-in (read more).

And, even though as my seven-year old says, “you don’t know what is going to happen you,” I’m going to continue to believe that I do have power over my moment-to-moment experience by approaching life from the inside-out. And remembering that I can choose whether to take a scowl or bad driving personally or whether to stay steadfast in my belief that the “Universe is conspiring in my favor.”

Inside-out or outside-in, we’re all riding this see-saw together. Let’s keep the conversation alive on how we can all live more intentionally.

P.S. In case you missed it, check out my January Life Balance newsletter where I share the surprising revelation that a new PDA ultimately had no impact on how “balanced” professionals felt in 2009. Turns out, it’s all an inside-out-job ... read more.

AN INVITATION: Interested in experiencing more balance in 2010 and tapping into the power of self-care? Learn how you can join or become trained to lead a self-renewal circle for women. And, view all upcoming events--including spring renewal retreats--here.

Also, visit Live Inside Out to register for our Feb. 23rd FREE evening teleclass on Good is Good Enough: Releasing Perfection. And sign up to receive weekly tips on how to live more intentionally through our Live Inside Out Facebook Community.

The Journey, a blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey to life balance and living life from the inside out, comes out weekly.

Graphic: Designed by my good friend Bella Guzman with High Wire Creative.

Dancing with the Devil

The “devil” –if he lives—is our own negative thought patterns dragging us through the dirt into a self-created hell. Whether we choose or refuse this dance is fortunately up to us. Anonymous

Have you ever had something really “bad” happen and then right on its heels, other “bad” things keep happening? And then, you find yourself just waiting--or maybe even seeking out--the next roadblock in your path?

This recently happened to me. I just permanently lost ten years of intellectual property including a book manuscript from a remote back-up hard drive (this was the only copy). From there, things seem to keep getting worse. At the same time I was engaged in this drama, I was also observing my own thinking. It was as if a part of me was saying “Come on Universe—is that all you’ve got?! You can do better than that! Bring it on!”

Can you relate?

This negative downward spiraling thinking can be quite seductive (just look at Van Gogh), but it’s the dance of despair. I remember being a young girl and watching my mom engage in this two-step quite often—it was truly like a watching a runaway train.

It’s quite easy to pull up a chair and feast at the all-you-can-eat negative thought buffet and focus on what is going wrong rather than what is going right. (Many psychologists will argue that this is our natural orientation.)

But it’s exhausting. And, it gets old really fast.

So this morning, after my slew of “bad luck,” I became tired of this game and challenged myself to come up with three things that are really going “right” in my life right now. Simple, but it works. (And usually I can easily come up with more than three!)

This exercise helped me gain perspective and remember, oh yeah, emotions are like clouds. If I'm feeling discomfort in the moment, hang tight. The weather forecast is due to change shortly!

So my dance with the devil has ended for now. He’ll have to go find another gullible partner. I’m moving on.

AN INVITATION: Interested in experiencing more balance in 2010 and tapping into the power of self-care? Learn how you can join or become trained to lead a self-renewal circle for women. And, view all upcoming events, including our highly popular, bi-annual Jan. 29th The Career Strategy Workshop here.

Also, visit Live Inside Out to register for our Feb. 23rd FREE evening teleclass on Good is Good Enough: Releasing Perfection. And sign up to receive weekly tips on how to live more intentionally through our Live Inside Out Facebook Community.

The Journey, a blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey to life balance and living life from the inside out, comes out weekly.

Photo: The merry-go-round in the Boston Commons. It's goes round and round, just like our negative thinking. Will you get off or stay on?

Overwhelm

I define life balance as having enough time, energy and resources for those things that are most important to me.

So is feeling overwhelmed—the suitor currently knocking on my door asking for a dance-- what happens when this is not the case?

I’m sure many of you can relate: I just returned home from a full five-day conference to pressing work deadlines, staff transitions to support, hundreds of emails and phone calls, a house that looks like a tornado just blew through it and a husband and child who desperately need to reconnect with me (forget the stack of unaddressed holiday cards waiting to be sent out, my son’s repeated requests to put up a Christmas tree TODAY or the extended family email chain heatedly discussing “how to celebrate Christmas” that awaits my reply).

I was coached in the mid-nineties by a presence coach on the relationship between thought and mood (ex: feeling anxious or upset—what thoughts preceded these emotions? ...feeling sad or depressed, what is your dominant internal “mantra?”).

I get that I create stress or overwhelm based on my thinking and perception of a situation. It doesn’t happen to me. And I also understand that it’s easy for all of us to tap into a greater “collective overwhelm,” particularly this time of year (read more on this in my December life balance newsletter). And, I also believe that we’re simply all trying to do too much.

But the holidays can be particularly challenging (I’m remembering now how much my mom disliked the holidays and how stressed out she used to get this time of year. Think there is a connection there? Nahhh.)

As I move through my day and week and become more aware of my thinking (and firmly but respectfully asking Monsieur Overwhelm to go knock on our neighbor’s door, my dance card is full), I remember one of the most important teachings I learned from my presence coach.

When I felt like I was swimming in a sea of stress, she would remind me to just breathe. Slow down. Listen to my body’s internal rhythm. And know that the peace I desire is right here, right now. In the present moment. It’s been there all along.

"Unease, anxiety, tension, overwhelm, stress, worry — all forms of fear — are caused by too much future, and not enough presence. Guilt, regret, resentment, grievances, sadness, bitterness, and all forms of nonforgiveness are caused by too much past, and not enough presence" Eckhart Tolle, author, The Power of Now

AN INVITATION: Interested in slowing down, being more present and tapping into the power of self-care? Learn how you can join or become trained to lead a self-renewal circle for women. And, view all upcoming events here.

Also, visit Live Inside Out to listen to past Live Inside Out teleclasses or to sign up to receive weekly tips on how to live more intentionally through our Live Inside Out Facebook Community.

The Journey, a blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey to life balance and living life from the inside out, comes out weekly.

Photo courtesy of istockphoto.com.

Balance from the Inside-Out

September has always been like the start of the New Year for me.

I have launched businesses, started new jobs, rolled out new business models, embarked on back-to-back speaking sprints and unveiled new creative endeavors around this time of year for as long as I can remember. (I have heard that the Native American New Year begins around this time—maybe my Cherokee roots are guiding me here.)

A few weeks ago during a one-day retreat, I did a visioning exercise focused on the next four months and how/where to direct my energy. During this time, I got a very clear message that this fall would be unlike any other. And, that some really exciting things would be unfolding for me in 2010, which would require a lot of inner and outer preparation during the last half of 2009.

I have learned the hard way that when I don’t listen to my intuition and ignore my body and soul’s natural rhythms (read more about this topic), everything becomes a struggle. And rather than ski effortlessly down the slopes of life, I feel like I’m trudging through mud up to my waist (sounds familiar, huh?).

As I write these words, I sense how far I’ve come to get to this place (it’s not easy to slow down when you have a hefty overhead, bills to pay, requests pounding at your door and “overachiever” tendencies). And, I acknowledge how much I’ve had to release and let go to get to this place of surrender. (And, that this journey is never-ending!)

But, balance, equilibrium, ease—whatever you call it—is of paramount importance to me. (Click here for some tips on how you can bring more peace into your day to day experience.)

And, I know that when the time comes to step on the gas, I’ll be ready, rested and clear-headed to respond to whatever gifts and adventures I am presented with next.

AN INVITATION: Interested in learning how you can create balance from the inside-out and receive the support you need to do so? Consider starting/joining one of our women's self-renewal circles, signing up for our FREE September 17th Global PRG Sampler Teleclass on Reconnecting with Who You Are or attending our life-changing October 2-4 Fall Women’s Self-Renewal Retreat at The Crossings (early bird rate ends Aug. 31^st).

Also, visit Live Inside Out and sign up to receive weekly tips on how to live more intentionally by becoming a fan on our Live Inside Out Facebook page.

The Journey, a blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey to life balance and living life from the inside out, comes out weekly. Subscribe here. For more information on Renee’s upcoming events, click here.

Photo: Renee Peterson Trudeau, Rio Grande Gorge in northern New Mexico. Breathtaking.

Flow

“I often joke with my audiences that I make most of my income on a ski pole. People smile but they get my point. You need to make time for your genius to flow. We get our creative bursts, those idea torrents that take our business and personal lives to the next level, while we are skiing or drinking coffee in a Starbucks or walking in the woods or meditation with a sunrise. Those pursuits are not a waste of time. Creativity comes when you are relaxed, happy and enjoying the moment. And when it comes, it brings ideas that rock your world.” Robin Sharma, author/leadership expert/idea generator

I am very interested in balance—experiencing it, enhancing it, helping others to define and claim it—because for the first 35 years of my life I was so out of balance (read more).

Contrary to a lot of time management experts, balance is not about equal time for work and family. For me, it’s the experience of having enough time, energy and resources to devote to those things that are most important to me: connection to my partner/son, work that feeds me creatively, the opportunity to empower others, a harmonious home, moving my body every day.

And this will change constantly depending on your career/life stage and the age of your kids (think about your priorities at 25 versus 35 versus 55).

As an entrepreneur, more and more I am starting to recognize what balance FEELS like moment to moment. For me, I know I am experiencing balance or equilibrium when I
*am not forcing outcomes to happen, but letting my inner GPS guide me (trusting my gut) as to the best course of action
*am aware of when I’m present with my family, friends and clients and how much I prefer this to the opposite
*feel generous and creative and ideas flow through and from me like water
*am feeling in flow and enjoying the delicate balance between planning/goal setting and responding to the unexpected or synchronous
*have enough space in my life to be attuned to/respond to the gentle mysterious taps on the shoulder we all receive (read my last posting on The Unknown) and to actually respond to these callings

I am enjoying my summer—blending work/play/family time with planning and personal growth-- but am also acutely aware that in less than four weeks, my 7-year old will be going back to school and my team and I will be moving into the 3 busiest months of the year for my business.

So today, as I review my ever-growing to-do list, my countless unread emails, the list of requests for my time/attention, I pause. (This morning I went in my backyard for a bit to watch the birds splash in our outdoor fountain and pull a few weeds from our patio—I find it helpful to get my hands in the dirt when I’m working on balancing left/right brain activity!)

And I know that for me to experience the type of Fall I desire, it’s essential—even critical—for me to create some space next week to take a trek up to the mountain top and reflect creatively on where my energy would be best spent between Sept. 1-Nov. 30th (I like to approach life in 90 day chunks).

And, to listen...very quietly and attentively. So I can be guided as to what choices I need to make to allow for lots time for flow.

P.S. Interested in receiving support so you can create more flow in your business, career or life? A few resources I can offer are my July 23rd, popular Austin-based Finding Your Career Mojo Workshop, our women's self-renewal circles, our September 17th Global PRG Sampler Teleclass on Reconnecting with Who You Are, my upcoming The Empowered Entrepreneur Workshop on Aug. 28th in Austin, TX (email info@reneetrudeau.com for details) or our fabulous October 2-4 Fall Women’s Self-Renewal Retreat at The Crossings.

Also, check out Live Inside Out and learn how you can live more intentionally (and become a fan on the Live Inside Out Facebook page).

The Journey, a blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey to life balance and living life from the inside out, comes out weekly. Subscribe here. For more information on Renee’s upcoming events, click here.

Photo: Renee Peterson Trudeau. After a long sweaty hike up a mountain in the Berkshires in MA, I discovered this jewel.

I’ll Be Happy When ....?

I am in the middle of a big international launch right now to share the self-care themes from my book with the world.

The year-long celebration, which kicks off this Mother’s Day weekend, was inspired by a “visit” from my dad, who passed suddenly and unexpectedly in 1996. Read more here.

I believe passionately that the Personal Renewal Group (PRG) Program --self-renewal circles for women meeting around The Mother’s Guide to Self-Renewal-- have the potential to shift our culture in dramatic and positive ways.

This is why I chose to give this gift and invest so much time and so many resources around this Live Inside Out launch and book giveaway. (I also have an amazing team of volunteers helping, too!)

Yesterday, as people from around the globe began to download the book I started to feel nervous.

I SO want those who read this book—which truthfully, came “through me”-- to be touched, moved, to want to explore this concept of the power of self-care/reconnecting with self and how it can change their lives. (And, if they feel moved, to start/join PRGS.)

And I noticed I was feeling that old alluring “I’ll be happy when ...(fill in the blank)” feeling creeping in.

If I can help others in such a lasting and profound way, surely this experience will bring me inner peace and happiness ....right?

As I moved through my day on Friday—mediating in the morning, volunteering at my son’s end of year Field Day, returning calls and emails, helping a new client who is struggling with their career path, picking up a taco at the local Mexican café, connecting with staff, working and then going to a Hatha flow yoga class, I kept reflecting on this ‘I’ll be happy when ....” thought.

What bring me lasting happiness, I already have: the opportunity to give/receive love, connection with family and close friends, being in nature, the opportunity to serve others and moment to moment--the ability to feel peaceful no matter what is going on around me.

Nothing, no matter how juicy or enticing it looks, can bring me lasting happiness.
I already have everything I need ..... right now. And it comes from the inside-out.

P.S. Lear more about how you can join the LIVE INSIDE OUT revolution by checking out the LIO page or becoming a fan on the Live Inside Out Facebook page. Check out the really cool LIO t-shirts, too. I’m wearing mine and everyone that sees it loves it!

SIGN UP TODAY---ONLY 48 HOUR LEFT! Over Mother’s Day Weekend May 8th-10th, go to http://www.mothersguidetoselfrenewal.com/ to get your free download of this award-winning book—a $20 value. And make sure and share it with your friends. For women of all ages, the book has received rave reviews.

The Journey, a blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey to life balance and living life from the inside out, comes out weekly. Subscribe here. For more information on Renee’s upcoming events, click here.

Photo: My son showing off his prizes from a raspberry farm on the Olympic Peninsula in WA last August. These beauties ended up in cornmeal pancakes with honey butter two hours later!

Getting Quiet

Last week while working with a coaching client on some big life decisions, the topic came up about why we make excuses to stay busy and avoid quiet time.

Some call this prayer, meditation or reflection—in essence, it’s time to be alone in stillness and to connect to our inner wisdom, our higher power or as one of my clients says—our internal “GPS system.”

I tend to be a “choose your own path, do what works for you” kind of coach, but as I get older, I am telling my clients (particularly those in transition) that if they do nothing else, carving out time for reflection each morning—when our minds are the least busy—is not only important, it’s essential. I wrote about this last spring in my newsletter in Five Minutes a Day to Peace and Well-Being.

This past weekend my husband and I had a rare 24 hours to ourselves while my son visited his aunt and uncle. There were a lot of things we wanted to accomplish during our time alone (some important household projects, luxuriating in the feeling that “we could do anything we wanted!!” and definitely a fun night out), but I also wanted to take advantage of the rare opportunity to meditate together Sunday morning. If you've ever meditated or prayed with others, you know how powerful this experience can be.

There are many wonderful teachers that talk about the power of stillness and taking time to connect with the Divine (or God, your higher power, etc.)—meditation guru John Kabat-Zinn, founder of centering prayer Father Thomas Keating, Omega Institute founder Elizabeth Lesser and author/teacher Marianne Williamson are some of my favorite guides around this topic.

For me the difference between days I meditate and days I don’t, feels like the difference between walking through my day barefoot versus wearing shoes.

When I meditate in the morning—whether it’s 5 minutes in the car after dropping my son at school or 20 minutes before I start my work day—I feel grounded, protected, more at ease with life, I roll with changes, I’m more centered and little things don’t turn into big things quite so easily.

When I don’t meditate—when I enter my day and the world, barefoot—I am more fragile, and when I step on pebbles, I get irritated more easily. I'm also not as trusting and when I encounter unexpected events on my path--which we always do-- I’m more easily thrown off course.

For years, I fought this idea of a morning ritual, creating dedicated time every day to get quiet before entering the world. “It’s too hard when you’re a parent, I’m too busy, I’ll do it later in the day, my husband won’t join me, I don’t have ‘the right’ space in my home and my favorite—does it really make a difference?” are all the excuses that would rattle around in my head, justifying my position to postpone what I now know to be the single most important part of my day.

You might try starting your day with a meditation as an “experiment” ….. even just taking 5 minutes each morning to feel what you’re grateful for before you start your work day.

I believe that within the stillness lie the answers to all our questions. We just have to get quiet enough to hear them.

P.S. If you’re a parent, you might want to check out my chapter on Parenting as a Spiritual Journey from The Mother’s Guide to Self-Renewal. It ties into this theme. I did not formally meditate regularly and consistently until about year ago. It has definitely had a huge impact on how I parent, among other things. I just need to remember this and not self-sabotage by blowing it off.

Mindfulness

All last week I started my mornings walking around the Town Lake hike and bike trail in Austin, alone.

Being such an extrovert, I typically walk with a partner and use this early morning time for walk/talk meetings or rare windows to connect with friends I rarely get to see. After returning from my recent retreat though, I found my thoughts and demeanor so reflective that I had to be alone. I was craving my own, sweet, silent company.

As I walked and felt the gravel crunch under my Keens, dryness in my mouth and the sweat running down my back and arms, I wondered how many times have I done this walk? Hundreds? And how many times had my mind been somewhere else--focusing on the next approaching landmark, what type of taco I was going to pick up for breakfast or my growing "to do" list that awaited me back at the office?

On my walks last week, however, I played with the concept of mindfulness or "present moment living." I noticed the smells around me--strong body odor, rotting plants, sweet honeysuckle and how brilliant the colors of the blooming cactus and blossoming flowers were that lined the path--they literally seemed to explode before my eyes. At one point, I had to stop to really take in the beauty of these cactus blooms (above)--their intensity overwhelmed me.

I also focused on the muscles in my legs--in my thighs and calves and feet and marveled at how they worked together in harmony to effortlessly carry me the 3.6 mile distance around the lake.

I noticed a slightly metallic taste in my mouth and felt my breath changing, speeding up, slowing down, but always flowing.

The thought that I could not get out of my head was--how many times have I missed amazing gifts: moments, words, facial expressions, subtle nuances in communication, missed opportunities to connect, from not being mindful? From not really using my senses to full absorb and take in what was going on in the moment?

After my mindfulness experiment last week, I wanted to hear mindfulness guru/author John Kabat Zinn and found a link to an interview he did with Oprah--check it out if this speaks to you: http://www2.oprah.com/index.jhtml.

I love the poem they referred to during their interview. I'll include it here for you to enjoy and would love to hear how mindfulness looks throughout the course of your days.

P.S. More to come tomorrow on how my writing sabbatical has been going--the experience has been nothing less than intense. And surprising. And at times, very challenging. Surprise, surprise :).

Love After Love

The time will come when, with elation, you will greet yourself arriving at your own door,

in your own mirror, and each will smile at the other's welcome, and say, sit here. Eat.

You will love again the stranger who was yourself. Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart

to itself, to the stranger who has loved you all your life, whom you ignored for another,

who knows you by heart. Take down the love letters from the bookshelf, the photographs,

the desperate notes, peel your own image from the mirror. Sit. Feast on your life.

-- Derek Walcott

Slowing Down

Have you noticed how speeded up we all seem to be lately? Pulling into my gym parking lot this morning, you would have thought they had just announced “the first 20 to enter the front door this morning win a free trip to Europe!”

Why are we in such a hurry? How is it affecting our interactions with one another? With how we parent? Not to mention our physical and emotional well-being (pay attention to your physical sensations when you’re in the “chicken with its head cut off” mode ... usually your stomach, upper back or chest are screaming for you to move to the slow lane). And, it seems to me we’re moving even faster than we were a year ago (or maybe I’m imagining this!). I would attribute some of this to technology and how we now use email, cell phones and PDAs, etc. Most of my career coaching clients site the constant inability to “unplug.”

Twelve years ago I was introduced to a philosophy/approach which advocates Slowing Down. In fact, the coach I was working with who suggested I start to become aware of how how "present" I am in my day-to-day life, told me I would actually be more effective at work if I slowed down! (Check out Slowing Down to the Speed of Life by Richard Carlson/Joseph Bailey to get a taste of the approach I was introduced to : http://www.amazon.com/Slowing-Down-Speed-Life-Peaceful/dp/0062514547.) At the time, I thought she was crazy.


Thank God (and the coach who helped me shift to begin balancing“being” with “doing”), that has changed. I have now developed an aversion, an actual distaste for living and working at breakneck speed. Sure I do it sometimes, but my body starts setting off very loud alarms that it goes against my natural rhythms and innate health.

What is the speed at which you’re living? Are you pummeling through life in a race car, moving along in a steady Chevrolet, zipping around on a Vespa, soaking up your surroundings on a horse and buggy or maybe you’re on foot? Is the speed at which you’re living your life working for you? How do you feel when you wake up each morning? When you go to bed at night? I’d love to hear your thoughts on this.

There has been a lot of press about adopting a Slow Food movement. I like it. But first, maybe we all need to start supporting a Slow Life movement. What do you think?

Don't Believe Everything You Think

Photo: Cliffs of Moher, County Clare, Irleland, August 2007, Renee Trudeau

The two weeks before Thanksgiving were really stressful for me. I was feeling pulled in too many directions by work, had countless deadlines breathing down my back and I was feeling discouraged by the amount of time/resources I was putting into a project--that was only just getting off the ground. I felt overwhelmed by my inbox, requests from others for help and demands from family--I was cooked!

One of the things that most frustrated me about that crazy period was that I had lost perspective--and I knew it.

My thoughts were tiresome, stressful and repetitive. I could feel how "stuck" I was and all I could do was pray for a change in perspective.

Author/teacher Byron Katie (www.thework.com), says "An unquestioned mind is the world of suffering. There are no new stressful thoughts. They’re all recycled."

So true. I've always loved the saying "Don't believe everything you think." When I'm feeling stuck, I try to remember this phrase and not take myself--or my thinking--too seriously!

And, finally, clarity and relief did come (it always does in its own sweet time, doesn't it?).

After slowing down, going for a hike on the greenbelt with my family and releasing some of my self-imposed ideas about how things "should be going," I was able to finally ease up, relax and start living in the present: the only place we can be assured of true inner peace, right?

The photo I took above of the Cliffs of Moher in Ireland--a stunning sight--helps me gain perspective on my life. The vastness of the rock wall and ocean reminds me of how trivial my problem du jour really is and how essential it is that I trust in that which is greater than me.

Thank you God for the opportunity to--at any moment--change how we see things.