Balancing Feelings

I lost my mom suddenly and unexpectedly in 2000—thirty days before my wedding day. She was 60 when she died. If she were still alive, today would have been her 70th birthday.

For some reason, this year in particular feels especially tender.

I’ve noticed as I get older (I’ll be 44 in a few weeks), that aging seems to soften how we view people and places. Things that used to bother us, don’t seem so important any more. The places where we feel the sharp, jagged edges of painful memories we thought we’d never be able to release—are beginning to blur and fade. Our hearts feel more open, more ready to forgive. We have more clarity around what really matters.

I used to struggle with all the mixed feelings I have around my mom (an amazing artist, musician and medical professional who battled depression most of her life); all the unfinished business we never got to work through.

But as I move into the second half of my life, I am more at ease around all my feelings related to my mom. Both the incredible explosive light and the dark, scary shadow. And the polarity (read more) and range of emotions I feel around her, doesn’t bother me so much anymore. I'm able to just be with this spectrum of feelings.

I believe we’re all doing the best we can at any given moment. How do I know what it felt like to walk her path?

If my mom were alive today, I think—and hope—she would have moved into a place of being more forgiving and gentle with herself. And that she’d be proud of me and my passion for helping other women find this place within themselves, as well.

Happy Birthday Juliana. I love you and thank you for the many gifts you shared with me. I would not being doing the work I am doing today were it not for you.

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Photo: My mom and dad leaving the hospital right after my birth, Houston, TX, 1966.

We Are All One

A couple of weeks ago, my son and I were out watering some new plants in our yard.

He called out to me in a very disturbed voice to come over to the sidewalk that runs along the side of our home. He had discovered a dead pigeon. It was beautiful and looked like it was sleeping.

My seven year-old is very sensitive and was deeply moved by the bird’s death.

This incident created opportunities to talk about topics related to death, spirituality and the cycle of life (he is deeply inquisitive/empathetic in nature). But his comment that stayed with me long past dinner and bedtime into the next day was, “Mom, the reason this upsets me so much is we are all the same. When the bird gets hurt, it’s like one of us getting hurt. We’re all connected, right?”

I do believe we’re all one. But most of the time, this feels like a mental concept for me.

It’s rare that I “feel” this connection, even though I do believe it is always present.

Last weekend I had the opportunity to lead a Self-Renewal Retreat at the beautiful Crossings Spa and Retreat Center for 30 women from around the world (their ages ranged from 31-66).

The women were all at different life stages—single, newly married, mothering young kids, making career changes, hitting milestone birthdays, contemplating divorce, beginning to unleash their creativity, starting the journey to heal from past wounds and waking up to the idea that they actually could course-correct and begin to create a life that deeply nourished them.

By the end of the weekend, even though our circumstances or life stages might “look” different, we could all sense how deeply our lives, fears, hopes and dreams were interwoven.

As we gathered that last day in the drizzly rain around the labyrinth, we could all feel this “human fabric” and that undeniably, there was much more that bonded us, than separated us.

I’m curious, what things in your life help you tap into the we are all one feeling?

For me, it’s when I am deeply connected to others in a women’s self-renewal circle, when I get the opportunity teach/speak to groups, when I hike on the greenbelt and see others out in nature, when I hear a mother’s pain as she cares for her sick child, when I coach a client who is crying because they are so ready to align who they are with what they do in the world or when I watch fear rise and fall in reaction to the Swine Flu.

And, it's when I get quiet, follow my intuition and tap into a universal need (Live Inside Out celebration launching this Friday which includes a free download of my book, is one way I hope to bring the “we are all one” theme into American households).

I’d love to hear when and how you feel this deep connection to humanity.

Resources: I stumbled across this video of Nobel Peace Prize winner Desmond Tutu receiving an award from an organization called Humanity’s Team. He talks about how this concept is so relevant right now and a universal theme we all can’t help but explore.

LIVE INSIDE OUT Celebration May 8th-10th--Join us!Do you have a copy of our award-winning book The Mother’s Guide to Self-Renewal: How to Reclaim, Rejuvenate and Re-Balance Your Life? If not, sign up for my life balance newsletter at www.reneetrudeau.com today and receive a free download of the book in your inbox over Mother’s Day Weekend May 8th-10th (for 48 hours only). Feel free to share this amazing gift—a $20 value-- with your friends around the globe! For women of all ages, the book has received rave reviews.

The Journey, a blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey to life balance and living life from the inside out, comes out weekly. Subscribe here. For more information on Renee’s upcoming events, click here.

Feelings

This week is my last dedicated week for my writing project on Everyday Spirituality. I feel some sadness and some irritation (towards myself) that more of the last six weeks wasn't devoted to delving more deeply into this intriguing topic. But, you know the story--work called, mothering called and there was laundry to be done and meals to be made.

As I observe myself ride the wave of feeling around this sabbatical experience, I step back in puzzlement and fascination. Aren't feelings interesting?

Late Friday afternoon I had the treat of spending time with my sweet son at one or our favorite haunts--Deep Eddy, the oldest natural spring-fed swimming pool in Texas. After we swam for a while, I took a break and rested on a blanket while my son continued to play in the water with a new friend.

After a short phone call, I found myself having worrisome thoughts about a dear friend who is going through a lot of transition. I watched my mood shift and felt the discomfort these thoughts carried with them.

Fifteen minutes later, still sitting on the blanket and enjoying the gorgeous 300-year old pecan trees around me, I became mesmerized with a beautiful set of four-month-old twins playing on a blanket right in front of me (they had two other siblings under four--mom had a helper though, thank God). They were so pure and beautiful and joyful.

A little later, I swam some more and felt my mood shift again to one of gratitude--for my schedule, for living in Austin, for my son/husband and for being alive.

They say we should treat feelings like waves--letting them wash over us, but not allowing ourselves to dance in their dangerous arms, getting pulled under by their consuming force.

Ahhh .....waves. So if I am experiencing discomfort in the moment, if I just feel what I'm feeling and not get too attached or overwhelmed by the emotion du jour, they'll soon wash away? I like that.


Because they always do pass, right? And something new will undoubtedly present itself for us to experience and learn from next.