Saturday, November 28, 2009

We're All Connected

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“We have flown the air like birds and swum the sea like fishes, but have yet to learn the simple act of walking the earth like brothers.” - Martin Luther King, Jr.

Growing up with my six siblings, the phrase we often heard from my mom as we navigated various life circumstances, was “How do you think that makes him (or her) feel?”

Whether it was extending kindness to the harried checker at the grocery store, stopping to share a friendly word with the overworked postman or offering food to the immigrant family of eleven we met through my father’s work—my parents were always challenging us to feel what it’s like to be in another person’s shoes, and ultimately to feel how connected we all are.

Last Saturday, I attended defensive driving for a speeding ticket. While sitting in a room with men and women of all ages from all walks of life, I challenged myself to find our sameness. I’m sure we shared many things, but in the moment, our strongest bond was that we all wanted to be somewhere else rather than sitting in this classroom on a Saturday (but we made the best of it!).

This past week my son and I volunteered at a local shelter preparing and serving a delicious meal to hundreds of homeless people. When we left at the end of our shift and walked through the long line of people still waiting for food, my son and I talked about what we all have in common: enjoyment and nourishment through lovingly prepared food.

On Thanksgiving morning, my husband son and I headed down to the Barton Creek Greenbelt and hiked along the banks of the rushing waters through the quiet green paths—nodding hello to the occasional fellow hiker and feeling our kinship through our obvious appreciation for nature.

And during this past holiday, as we gathered with my extended family for our holiday meal—acknowledging our various food and lifestyle preferences—it was clear what we all desired: meaningful connection with one another.

Having coached thousands of men and women from all life stages and socioeconomic backgrounds-- including the JC Penney salesman who made $8/hour and the 300K/year software executive—I have witnessed people’s collective and deepest longing: to be heard, to know they matter, to make a difference and to feel recognized for their contributions. (I've also seen this in our hundreds of Personal Renewal Groups.)

I know in every fiber of my being that we’re much more connected than any of us realize.

Have you heard the analogy that we’re all droplets in the ocean--we just don’t remember that collectively we are the ocean?

I’m going to keep challenging myself on a regular basis to seek out our sameness, our connectedness—even in the most bizarre, uncomfortable or unlikely circumstances.

And, I’m going to do my best to remember that even though our surfboards might look a little different, we’re all cresting and falling in the same sea.

AN INVITATION: Interested in experiencing meaningful connection with others and tapping into the power of self-care? Learn how you can join or become trained to lead a self-renewal circle for women. Our introductory offer for PRG Facilitator Training ends Dec. 1. And, view all upcoming events here.

Also, visit Live Inside Out to listen to our Nov. 17th Live Inside Out class on Building a Support System or sign up to receive weekly tips on how to live more intentionally through our Live Inside Out Facebook Community.

The Journey, a blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey to life balance and living life from the inside out, comes out weekly.

Video: Renee Peterson Trudeau. The Gulf of Mexico, spring 2009.

Monday, November 16, 2009

Honoring Your Rhythms

This was an incredibly full weekend (I helped promote and led a workshop for a wonderful girls empowerment conference, supported artist friends at a community event, attended our annual school fund raiser and had the honor of hosting a 50th birthday Blessingway for a good friend).

I am pooped.

I feel like crawling back into bed with a big steaming mug of hot team, curling up with a good book and staying in sweats all day. Maybe I will. At the least, I’m certainly not going to have a typical Monday—usually my busiest work day.

I’ve learned over the years how important it is for me to listen to my body and spirit’s internal rhythms. Many days I have boundless energy and can get eight hours worth of work done in two. Other days, I feel like I'm moving through molasses and have to attune to what is essential, what must be done and then let everything else wait while I shift down into first gear.

I trust my body's rhythms and cycles. I’ve learned that pushing always backfires. Listening to and working in harmony with my body and spirit always proves fruitful.

It’s taken me a long time to allow myself to respond to my needs. But now that I do, there is no other way to live.

P.S. FREE SUPPORT RESOURCES: Who is holding a big space for what’s possible for you in 2010? Read more. And, if you’d like to receive my life balance newsletter tomorrow on Your Money or Your Life sign up here. Hope you can join us Tuesday evening (11/17) for our next Live Inside Out class via telephone on Building Your Support System--register here.

AN INVITATION: Interested in how you can connect to your rhythms and tap into the power of self-care? Learn how you can join or become trained to lead a self-renewal circle for women. And, view all upcoming events here.

Also, visit Live Inside Out and sign up to receive weekly tips on how to live more intentionally by becoming a fan on our Live Inside Out Facebook page.

The Journey, a blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey to life balance and living life from the inside out, comes out weekly.

Photo: Renee Peterson Trudeau. An apricot tree in the Davis Mountains (TX).

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Putting Things In Perspective

We just returned from a quick weekend trip to the Davis Mountains in West Texas with some good friends.

Why drive 6.5 hours to this mile-high city out in the middle of nowhere?

My family and I go to envelop ourselves in one of the darkest night skies in the United States. From here you can see the Milky Way with the naked eye and other amazing celestial bodies.

And for me, the experience of looking up and out into this amazing vastness, reminds me of how small and inconsequential any worries I might have, are. How life truly is a mystery, not a thing to be managed. How connected we all are. And, how important is to let the healing power of nature wash over us, heal us and put things in perspective.

It’s not a luxury to get away and immerse yourself in a natural setting. It’s like oxygen. It’s essential to your well-being. And, it’s one of the greatest gifts we have available to us.

Schedule time NOW for a get-away. It doesn’t have to be a long trip or expensive. But choose somewhere that is healing to you, that helps you put things in perspective and remember what really matters.

In our galaxy the sun is one of a hundred billion stars. Now how important is it to make sure your lawn is edged and car gets washed?

AN INVITATION: Interested in how you can get clear on what matters most and tap into the power of self-care? Learn how you can join or become trained to lead a self-renewal circle for women. And, join us Nov. 17th for our FREE Live Inside Out class via telephone on Building Your Support System. Sign up here! And, view all upcoming events here.

Also, visit Live Inside Out and sign up to receive weekly tips on how to live more intentionally by becoming a fan on our Live Inside Out Facebook page.

The Journey, a blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey to life balance and living life from the inside out, comes out weekly.

Photo: Renee Peterson Trudeau. The Davis Mountains from the trail at the base of Sleeping Lion Moutain.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

What Would Your Wise Self Say?

I am the oldest of seven children and at the ripe old age of 44, the matriarch of our family. (My parents died suddenly in their fifties, all our grandparents have passed and we have no living aunts or uncles.)

Out of the six of us who are living, only two of us are married and I’m the only one who has had a child.

Next year several of my siblings will be marking major life transitions and as I observe how they navigate their journeys and move closer to emotional health and well-being, it makes me pause and reflect on what I needed—or wished I could have heard—when I was their age.

If I was sitting across from her now, here is what I would say to my sweet thirty-year old self:

Dearest Renee:

• Your work is to remember who you *really* are. Who you are is not defined by your family history or the pains or tragedies you experienced growing up.
• Your parents loved in the best way they could. Moving into compassion for them can bring you to a place of liberation.
• The ability to feel grateful is one of the biggest gifts we have been given. Every morning, take a few minutes to express your gratitude for the simple things in your life.
• The simpler your life is, the happier you are. Your sense of joy and satisfaction are not reliant on what you have or your physical surroundings. Ever.
• Your job is to keep opening and softening your heart: to people, to new experiences and to the healing power of nature and movement (yoga, dance, hiking).
• Moment to moment, there are only two choices: love or fear. Which will you choose? Every interaction is motivated by one of these states of being.
• What is it that you *must* do? After you know this, give your heart wholly and completely to this and “feel the fear but do it anyway.”
• Know your portals for healing: music? Movement? Nature? Dance? Writing? Travel? Drawing? Determine what feeds you and keep doing these things. Every day.
• Self-knowledge and self-acceptance are the doors to freedom and peace. Don’t be afraid to become very acquainted with your fears, dreams, personality, self-limiting beliefs, strengths, shadow and brilliance. Love ALL of who you are.
• Your ordinary self is enough—you don’t need to do or be for anyone.
• Reach out and ask for help. There is never any reason to go it alone. We were designed to be inter-dependent. Cultivating this ability is key to your emotional health.
• Go within for the answers. Don’t be afraid of becoming very still. You already have ALL the answers within you. You just have to get quiet enough to hear them.
• Release “should’s” and become comfortable saying “no” with grace and ease. And, watch the Universe respond with delight in delivering to you what you *really* want, not what the media or society dictates you *should* want!
• Listen to your body. An uneasy stomach, tight shoulders or a clenched chest is your body talking to you. Listen to and respond to this amazing internal GPS system.
• Allow yourself to be vulnerable and let people see your fragility as well as your strength. Sharing this side of yourself is transformative and freeing.
• Service to others is your path of practice. But doing this in a way that feeds you rather than drains you, is your life’s work.

With deepest love and compassion—your wise self

If you wrote a letter to your thirty-something (or twenty something) year old self, from your wise self, what would it say?

A big part of my journey to balance and peace has been learning to cultivate a deep sense of compassion for self and knowing I’m doing the best I can, wherever I am on my journey. (And in my thirties, this journey definitely felt like a rollercoaster ride!)

Blessings to my amazing siblings as they continue on their path to self-acceptance and begin the next phase of their lives. I hope they occasionally get quiet enough to hear the whispers of my parent’s wisdom in their hearts, whenever they feel alone or unsure about what’s next.

AN INVITATION: Interested in how you can cultivate more self-acceptance and tap into the power of self-care? Learn how you can join or become trained to lead a self-renewal circle for women. And, join us Nov. 17th for our FREE Live Inside Out class via telephone. Sign up here! And, view all upcoming events here.

Also, visit Live Inside Out and sign up to receive weekly tips on how to live more intentionally by becoming a fan on our Live Inside Out Facebook page.

The Journey, a blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey to life balance and living life from the inside out, comes out weekly.

Photo: Renee Peterson Trudeau. St. Francis of Assisi in a garden in Boston's North End, the city's oldest residential community, where people have lived continuously since it was settled in the 1630s. St. Francis was one of my father's favorite spiritual teachers.

Monday, October 26, 2009

Stress=Living in the Future

Years ago I remember being in a workshop with Richard Carlson, a gifted teacher, father and the author of Slowing Down to the Speed of Life, Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff (It’s All Small Stuff) and many other best-selling titles.

He used to speak a lot about stress reduction and experiencing enhanced well-being through slowing down and living in the moment. Someone in the audience asked him how in the world he did this when last year he had presented at 200 conferences (do the math!).

His response, “I don’t think about where I have to be on Friday, next week or the following month. I simply take a taxi to the airport. I sit and wait for the plane. I get on the plane. I de-board. I take a taxi to the hotel. I present my talk. I go back to my room to sleep. I take a taxi back to the airport ......and on I go.”

His point being that he was able to maintain such an intense schedule because he didn’t dwell on the past or become overwhelmed by the future. He stayed in the present moment.

When we’re fully present. Fully here, right now. Aware of our breath and being in our bodies, there is no stress. (Try it.) It’s thinking about our insane to-do lists and everything that lies before us that throws us over the edge.

I take this lesson to heart today as I look at my incredibly too-full week of deadlines, meetings, events and personal/school obligations and remember Richard’s wise teaching.

And I breathe. And, move forward purposefully. Grateful to be doing work I love, serving others and knowing stress is really an inside-out job. A choice.

I know Richard, who passed away suddenly in 2006 a month after he endorsed my upcoming book, would smile if heard this. And would encourage all of us to slow down and trust that everything that’s really important will get done. But, it’s up to us how we choose to experience the journey.

AN INVITATION: Interested in how you can live more in the present and tap into the power of self-care? Join us Oct.29 for our FREE Live Inside Out class via telephone. Sign up here! Or, learn how you can join or become trained to lead a self-renewal circle for women. View all upcoming events here.

Also, visit Live Inside Out and sign up to receive weekly tips on how to live more intentionally by becoming a fan on our Live Inside Out Facebook page.

The Journey, a blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey to life balance and living life from the inside out, comes out weekly.

Photo: Renee Peterson Trudeau. High plains of New Mexico. This beautiful plant clearly enjoyed soaking up the present moment as much as we did.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Are You “In Integrity” with Yourself?

If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away. Henry David Thoreau

Recently I attended a wellness conference with women from around the U.S. On our lunch break, I joined a group of women sitting outside on the grass. Most of the women were in their thirties and forties and married with kids.

When I joined the group, they were in the midst of discussing marital infidelity. A couple of the women shared they had recently had ongoing intimate online exchanges with ex-boyfriends and the “cyber dating” was heating up. The group was going back and forth on whether or not this was “cheating.” I sat and observed the discussion and reflected silently on this topic.

Suddenly, one of the women asked me what I thought. I paused for a long time. Finally, I shared that when I’m grappling with a question like this, I do an “inner check-in” and ask myself if I feel the action is “in integrity” with who I am? And 100% of the time, I get the answer right away.

The group got very quiet. Some nodded knowingly, as answers surfaced for them, as well.

Often if the issue I’m examining is really big and I want to make sure that my actions are in alignment, I’ll ask the following three questions:

What is my motivation for this action (truly)?
Am I acting from a place of fear or love?
Is this action reflective of my highest self?


I think for most of us “being in integrity with self” is often an hour to hour or day to day challenge. Or sometimes, we're so "asleep," we're not even aware we're out of alignment.

I’ve bumped up against a lot of people lately who are making choices based on fear. And, it’s challenged me to access my deepest compassion and to give others the benefit of the doubt. Because, ultimately, I believe we all want to be in balance, in alignment and “in integrity” with the highest and best in each of us.

AN INVITATION: Interested in how you can reconnect with your highest self and tap into the power of self-care? Consider starting/joining one of our women's self-renewal circlesor joining us Oct.29 for our FREE Live Inside Out class via telephone. Sign up here. View all upcoming events here.

Also, visit Live Inside Out and sign up to receive weekly tips on how to live more intentionally by becoming a fan on our Live Inside Out Facebook page.

The Journey, a blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey to life balance and living life from the inside out, comes out weekly.

Photo: Renee Peterson Trudeau. Henry David Thoreau's headstone, Sleep Hollow Cemetery, Concord MA.

Monday, October 12, 2009

Are You Connected to Your Needs?

This morning as I drove my seven-year old son to school, I mused out loud “Should I go to Yoga or Nia this morning?” I love both, but was juggling a really full day with a lot of deadlines, so I was pondering which might support a more flowing schedule.

While we waited in line at school to reach the drop off point, out of the blue, my son asked me, “Well mom, how do you feel after you go to Yoga?” “Hmmm, wise and calm,” I replied. “And how do you feel after you go to Nia?” he asked. “Alive and happy,” I said, enjoying this conversation and how engaged my child was in helping me. “So,” he continued, “what kind of day do you want to have—wise and calm or happy and alive?” “Oh, wise and calm!” I said after reflecting on what I most needed today. “Yes, it’s definitely a wise and calm day.”

I’m working with a wonderful speaker/teacher/advocate for mothers on a new publishing project on the topic of Courageous Parenting. The project visionary, Amy Tiemann, is author of Mojo Mom: Nurturing Your Self While Raising a Family. She believes, as I do, that one of the most powerful gifts we can give our children is the understanding of how essential it is to be connected to and nurture our needs, so that we can full present in our relationships.

I think my son got the memo.

Looking forward to sharing more about Amy’s Courageous Parenting anthology/project, stories from my fellow contributors and how it aligns with our Live Inside Out initiative.

P.S. Speaking of aligning with your needs, if you’re in career transition and hanging out in the gap between where you’ve been and where you want to go next, check out today’s story in the Austin American Statesman on tips for making a career change over your lunch hour. And, join us Oct. 22nd in Austin at Finding Your Career Mojo for support, encouragement and ongoing resources for finding work that is a fit for you inside and out.

AN INVITATION: Interested in how you can learn to connect to your needs and tap into the power of self-care? Consider starting/joining one of our women's self-renewal circlesor joining us Oct.29 for our FREE Live Inside Out class via telephone. Sign up here. View all upcoming events here.

Also, visit Live Inside Out and sign up to receive weekly tips on how to live more intentionally by becoming a fan on our Live Inside Out Facebook page.

The Journey, a blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey to life balance and living life from the inside out, comes out weekly.

Photo: Renee Peterson Trudeau. My son looks out into the Puget Sound hoping to see a whale as we travel on the ferry from Port Angeles to Seattle, WA.