Soulpod

(I'm out on a writing sabbatical through the summer working on a new project. During this time I'm only posting sporadically, when I'm moved to do so.)


Here we are. Again. Together. Sharing lentil soup. Legs tangled, snuggling under the warm blankets. Negotiating piano practice and chores. Telling stories from our day. Moving from asleep to awake and awake to asleep. Navigating being human.

When I stop, I see your curious eyes and your beautiful spirit. You remind me of who I want to be in the world … who I really am.

We have the gift of now. It’s a large, beautiful moment. It can expand into the skies and go on forever.

We don’t need to go to the mountains or the beach, plan an adventure, schedule an exciting evening out, wait for a birthday or create a moment to experience one another. This is it.

Screw calendars, to do lists, dirty dishes, overgrown grass and dark, busy inboxes.

We surrender to the moment, hold hands, jump in and swim through the cool, deep waters together …feeling our oneness and the unexplainable mystery of how and why we’re together. Without words, we honor the sacredness of this union.

This connection feels ancient … new … difficult … and easy. The hardest thing in the world and the most delicious. Above all, it’s unique and it’s ours.

When we stop everything. Every. Single. Thing. We find delicious comfort and respite in our three beautiful, interconnected hearts.

We feel the fleeting sweetness of being in each other’s presence. We relax, we remember. We breathe out the entire world.

And we know, this, this, is all we need. This is all there is.

P.S. I’m Surveying the Emotional and Spiritual Health of Families for my new writing project. If you have 5 minutes to tell me about your family culture, I’d love to get your input (and feel free to share with friends/lists): http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/RXZ88GR

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The Journey, a blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey and living life from the inside out, comes out weekly.

Photo: Barton Springs. June 28, 2011. 4:30 p.m.

What Would Your Wise Self Say?

I am the oldest of seven children and at the ripe old age of 44, the matriarch of our family. (My parents died suddenly in their fifties, all our grandparents have passed and we have no living aunts or uncles.)

Out of the six of us who are living, only two of us are married and I’m the only one who has had a child.

Next year several of my siblings will be marking major life transitions and as I observe how they navigate their journeys and move closer to emotional health and well-being, it makes me pause and reflect on what I needed—or wished I could have heard—when I was their age.

If I was sitting across from her now, here is what I would say to my sweet thirty-year old self:

Dearest Renee:

• Your work is to remember who you *really* are. Who you are is not defined by your family history or the pains or tragedies you experienced growing up.
• Your parents loved in the best way they could. Moving into compassion for them can bring you to a place of liberation.
• The ability to feel grateful is one of the biggest gifts we have been given. Every morning, take a few minutes to express your gratitude for the simple things in your life.
• The simpler your life is, the happier you are. Your sense of joy and satisfaction are not reliant on what you have or your physical surroundings. Ever.
• Your job is to keep opening and softening your heart: to people, to new experiences and to the healing power of nature and movement (yoga, dance, hiking).
• Moment to moment, there are only two choices: love or fear. Which will you choose? Every interaction is motivated by one of these states of being.
• What is it that you *must* do? After you know this, give your heart wholly and completely to this and “feel the fear but do it anyway.”
• Know your portals for healing: music? Movement? Nature? Dance? Writing? Travel? Drawing? Determine what feeds you and keep doing these things. Every day.
• Self-knowledge and self-acceptance are the doors to freedom and peace. Don’t be afraid to become very acquainted with your fears, dreams, personality, self-limiting beliefs, strengths, shadow and brilliance. Love ALL of who you are.
• Your ordinary self is enough—you don’t need to do or be for anyone.
• Reach out and ask for help. There is never any reason to go it alone. We were designed to be inter-dependent. Cultivating this ability is key to your emotional health.
• Go within for the answers. Don’t be afraid of becoming very still. You already have ALL the answers within you. You just have to get quiet enough to hear them.
• Release “should’s” and become comfortable saying “no” with grace and ease. And, watch the Universe respond with delight in delivering to you what you *really* want, not what the media or society dictates you *should* want!
• Listen to your body. An uneasy stomach, tight shoulders or a clenched chest is your body talking to you. Listen to and respond to this amazing internal GPS system.
• Allow yourself to be vulnerable and let people see your fragility as well as your strength. Sharing this side of yourself is transformative and freeing.
• Service to others is your path of practice. But doing this in a way that feeds you rather than drains you, is your life’s work.

With deepest love and compassion—your wise self

If you wrote a letter to your thirty-something (or twenty something) year old self, from your wise self, what would it say?

A big part of my journey to balance and peace has been learning to cultivate a deep sense of compassion for self and knowing I’m doing the best I can, wherever I am on my journey. (And in my thirties, this journey definitely felt like a rollercoaster ride!)

Blessings to my amazing siblings as they continue on their path to self-acceptance and begin the next phase of their lives. I hope they occasionally get quiet enough to hear the whispers of my parent’s wisdom in their hearts, whenever they feel alone or unsure about what’s next.

AN INVITATION: Interested in how you can cultivate more self-acceptance and tap into the power of self-care? Learn how you can join or become trained to lead a self-renewal circle for women. And, join us Nov. 17th for our FREE Live Inside Out class via telephone. Sign up here! And, view all upcoming events here.

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The Journey, a blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey to life balance and living life from the inside out, comes out weekly.

Photo: Renee Peterson Trudeau. St. Francis of Assisi in a garden in Boston's North End, the city's oldest residential community, where people have lived continuously since it was settled in the 1630s. St. Francis was one of my father's favorite spiritual teachers.

We Are All One

A couple of weeks ago, my son and I were out watering some new plants in our yard.

He called out to me in a very disturbed voice to come over to the sidewalk that runs along the side of our home. He had discovered a dead pigeon. It was beautiful and looked like it was sleeping.

My seven year-old is very sensitive and was deeply moved by the bird’s death.

This incident created opportunities to talk about topics related to death, spirituality and the cycle of life (he is deeply inquisitive/empathetic in nature). But his comment that stayed with me long past dinner and bedtime into the next day was, “Mom, the reason this upsets me so much is we are all the same. When the bird gets hurt, it’s like one of us getting hurt. We’re all connected, right?”

I do believe we’re all one. But most of the time, this feels like a mental concept for me.

It’s rare that I “feel” this connection, even though I do believe it is always present.

Last weekend I had the opportunity to lead a Self-Renewal Retreat at the beautiful Crossings Spa and Retreat Center for 30 women from around the world (their ages ranged from 31-66).

The women were all at different life stages—single, newly married, mothering young kids, making career changes, hitting milestone birthdays, contemplating divorce, beginning to unleash their creativity, starting the journey to heal from past wounds and waking up to the idea that they actually could course-correct and begin to create a life that deeply nourished them.

By the end of the weekend, even though our circumstances or life stages might “look” different, we could all sense how deeply our lives, fears, hopes and dreams were interwoven.

As we gathered that last day in the drizzly rain around the labyrinth, we could all feel this “human fabric” and that undeniably, there was much more that bonded us, than separated us.

I’m curious, what things in your life help you tap into the we are all one feeling?

For me, it’s when I am deeply connected to others in a women’s self-renewal circle, when I get the opportunity teach/speak to groups, when I hike on the greenbelt and see others out in nature, when I hear a mother’s pain as she cares for her sick child, when I coach a client who is crying because they are so ready to align who they are with what they do in the world or when I watch fear rise and fall in reaction to the Swine Flu.

And, it's when I get quiet, follow my intuition and tap into a universal need (Live Inside Out celebration launching this Friday which includes a free download of my book, is one way I hope to bring the “we are all one” theme into American households).

I’d love to hear when and how you feel this deep connection to humanity.

Resources: I stumbled across this video of Nobel Peace Prize winner Desmond Tutu receiving an award from an organization called Humanity’s Team. He talks about how this concept is so relevant right now and a universal theme we all can’t help but explore.

LIVE INSIDE OUT Celebration May 8th-10th--Join us!Do you have a copy of our award-winning book The Mother’s Guide to Self-Renewal: How to Reclaim, Rejuvenate and Re-Balance Your Life? If not, sign up for my life balance newsletter at www.reneetrudeau.com today and receive a free download of the book in your inbox over Mother’s Day Weekend May 8th-10th (for 48 hours only). Feel free to share this amazing gift—a $20 value-- with your friends around the globe! For women of all ages, the book has received rave reviews.

The Journey, a blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey to life balance and living life from the inside out, comes out weekly. Subscribe here. For more information on Renee’s upcoming events, click here.

Just for Fun?!

I grew up in an overachiever family.

And, as the oldest of seven kids, it was not easy to refuse the Kool-Aid.

As my husband, son and I were out bike riding around the beautiful lake in the center of our city Saturday morning, we stumbled across a national rowing competition out on the waters, adjacent to the hike and bike trail.

High school and college kids from around the US were clumped in camps up and down the lakeside, surrounded by their long skinny boats. And, they looked like they were having a blast.

It brought up memories for me of trying and then abandoning many sports and activities—ballet, tennis, violin, singing-- that I deemed I wasn’t superior at, so I figured “Why try? Stick to what you really excel at.” (One of my younger brothers played the violin for a quite a while. He started at age four. It seemed when the pressure to excel and become the next Itzhak Perlman kept increasing, he decided to drop it his freshman year in high school. I wonder at what point it stopped becoming fun for him?)

While very American, the problem with this “if you’re going to play, you need to be the best” philosophy is that you miss out on a lot of things that you might actually want to do just for fun. Just for the pure joy of the activity—regardless of your ability. (Check out the chapter from The Mother’s Guide to Self-Renewal on Good is Good Enough, for some support on releasing overachiever tendencies.)

As I watched the kids compete, I thought how much I want to impart this mindset to my son.

The idea that there are many cool things you’ll want to try in life that you might actually suck at, but that can bring you a lot of pure enjoyment, regardless of whether or not you “score.” (How many times do you hear parents tell their high school athletes, “Looks like you were really having fun out there on the football field! Touchdown, smuchdown, just enjoy this great weather and the opportunity to be with your teammates.)

I recently completed an 8-week Intuitive Painting class that challenged us to paint without a goal in mind. Paint what you feel, in the moment. Don’t try to be good, or make your painting look pretty. Just enjoy the diversity and vibrancy of the colors, the brushstrokes, how the images make you feel, how much fun it is do something with no desired outcome (!).

Fascinating. Truly liberating. (You can google intuitive painting to find classes in your area.)

PS If you’re a woman and interested in being in community with other women who want to try new things just for fun, are interested in experiencing more meaning and joy and who like to practice “good is good enough,” consider joining one of the hundreds of Personal Renewal Groups around the world. I’ll also be providing a “soft place to fall” at my upcoming Spring Self-Renewal Retreat April 24-26 at The Crossings. Check it out.

Spirituality

I had a very unusual upbringing (read more). My parents were what most people would call spiritual “seekers.”

Questions about how we connect to our divinity or the sacred --what most people refer to as spirituality--were constantly on the forefront of my parent’s minds (my siblings’ godparents include a beautiful Irish nun named Aine and Swami Satchidananda, the founder of Integral Yoga).

Although there was a lot of emotional discord in our house, we always knew God was very important to my parents and that there were many paths to reach him/her. Interestingly, my mother was raised Presbyterian and my father Methodist; they converted to Catholicism after their third child was born. From there, their journey continued on to include many different Eastern and Western teachings.

For me personally, to feel balance, equilibrium and a sense of well-being in my life, a spiritual “practice” is a necessity (you can read more about the fascinating research I did last summer around the topic of Everyday Spirituality).

And, when I speak to a corporation, organization or at a conference and am asked to lead a Life Balance workshop around the power of self-renewal, when I touch on the four areas of renewal—physical, mental, emotional, spiritual—and ask participants to focus on the area that most needs their attention right now, you know what most of them say?

Yep, spiritual renewal is at the top of their list.

Last night, while my husband performed with his Brazilian Samba group at Carnaval,
I had a much tamer night, relaxing at home and purging my closet (you know how it is when you get bit by the “purge bug”—you gotta run with it!).

While sorting through my closet and trying to decide what clothes I loved and what had to go, I listened to music and stumbled across this great panel discussion on Oprah’s Soul Series on Spirituality (check it out, definitely worth your time!).

A reoccurring theme that this panel touched on and that I hear many of my friends discuss—particularly parents—is how their religious upbringing scared them away from talking or thinking about spirituality, God or being a part of a spiritual community (whether that’s a church, a meditation or prayer circle or a spiritually-focused book group).

What about you? How were your raised? Are you currently involved in that church? Have you converted to a different religion? Do you talk to your kids about God or the sacred in everyday life? Do you have a daily spiritual practice?

I would love to hear about your personal story.

I really think when we share our own reflections around spirituality, it enriches and deepens our collective experience. I look forward to hearing a little about your journey.

Photo: My almost seven-year old after he reached the top of Enchanted Rock --by far, my greatest spiritual teacher.

Everyday Spirituality

So, I have shared with many of you that I'm on a six-week writing sabbatical. (I'm a big believer in claiming "chunks" of time for creative endeavors--truly the only way you're really able to play with an idea on a deeper level!).

After a lot of juggling and planning, I was successful in carving out six weeks of my summer to focus on a project that has been tapping on my shoulder for about a year now.

In a nutshell, I am very curious about how, when and where people "feel" God (or whatever you call this: source, the Divine, the sacred, etc.) in everyday ways.

Having supported and coached thousands of professionals in their 20s-60s in the last 20 years, I have observed that many, many people share that they feel something is missing in their lives.

While they may achieve outer success--what most of them are craving: a sense of meaning, a sense of being connected to something bigger than themselves, a sense of inner peace--seems to elude them.

Or, they simply don't know how to identify their portal for getting there through ordinary day-to-day life experiences. (My summer newsletter which comes out Wed., July 23rd, goes into more detail on this topic and shares some of the answers to the questions below: http://www.reneetrudeau.com/ to subscribe.)

I am intrigued by this theme and sent the following questions to a select sampling of about 25 profesionals, asking them for their honest, direct, feedback. My only intention for this material right now is to help me gain insight into where people are around the topic of Everyday Spirituality.

My instructions and the questions are below if you'd like to take a stab at answering these yourself. (Many of the respondents shared that the exercise itself ended up sparking very interesting conversations with friends and significant others.)

Have fun, go with your gut and don’t overanalyze your answers. This should take you about 15-20 min.:

1. What gives your life meaning, where do you find meaning?
2. One thing I do to renew my spirit is ....... When I do this, I feel ........
3. To me, God* is ..... (*God for you might be the sacred, Spirit, Source, a higher power, Buddha, Yahweh, Allah, your highest self, your intuitive self, the Divine, Universal energy, etc.)
4. I feel God when I am ..... I feel most peaceful when I ....
5. I connect or tune into God (or the sacred) through ......

Your name (only your first name will be used):
Your age:
Religious upbringing and current religious practice (if any, optional to share):

And, if you'd like, post 1-2 of your answers here and let the dialogue begin!

Balancing Being and Doing

Image: Debbie Marie Gallery (www.debbiemariegallery.com)

“Life is not a thing to be managed. It’s a mystery to be lived.” Anonymous

I am in the process of birthing a new way of being. And, like most births, it’s messy and not easy.

Although many would look at my life and exclaim how lucky I am to have a completely flexible schedule, to be self employed, to have two successful businesses I’m passionate about, to be able to create space each day to exercise/move my body and sit down every night with my family for a homemade meal, to be able to serve and support others, to be clear on my life priorities and to have made choices that allow me to be spend time with my young son everyday after he gets out of school and my family in the evenings and weekends-- it’s not working for me. My daily pace is still too fast and doesn’t support how I really want to be.

This morning when I woke up, I entertained the thought of going to the gym for a weights/cardio workout to help combat my recent forty-something weight gain, but decided instead to follow my intuition and set the tone for the week by attending a highly nourishing and soulful yoga class down the street. After a wonderful savasana (the deep relaxation that ends most yoga sessions and is said to be the most difficult asana of all because it requires you to completely surrender to stillness), my 28-year old sister, who was also in the class and is currently in a yoga teacher training program, invited me to tea. I had a stack of work awaiting me, but decided screw it—I’m wanting more spaciousness in my days, so why don’t I act “as if” and start living the life I desire now!

While visiting with her about my writing sabbatical and what was going on with me, tears started pouring from my eyes as I begin sharing about wanting to work differently—wanting the pace of my days to change and “how I worked” to alter, specifically spending more time in meaningful connecting with others through speaking, group work, coaching, mentoring and writing and less time doing everything else it takes to run thriving businesses (particularly answering hundreds of emails each week--truly a poor use of my talents and time).

My yearning for relaxed, spacious, creative days that “flow” and are completely guided by my inner wisdom, my intuition and a deep trusting is palpable. It feels as if my soul, my essence is saying, “Enough!!—this daily schedule may work well for some, but it’s too much for you. You need to slow down for good. And, your creative “well,” which is deep, churning and rising—is begging for stillness, its portal for birth and life."

I can see the inner work and releasing that needs to happen on my part to make this all possible. And, I am reminding myself, that this will take some time (I have a personal goal of being “off” email—one of the biggest emotional drains for me-- by January 2009, meaning someone else would handle this for me).

So, I am being gentle with myself and taking baby steps towards this new way of working and being.

The other night I had a dream that centered around me being tired, exhausted. And, when I awoke, my heart kept aching. All day I sat with the themes of my aching heart and being tired and wondered what message was here for me.

The next day, my six year-old son, had a serious tantrum around wanting to go out to Target to buy new swim goggles—a trip I had refused to take that day. Finally in exasperation, he screamed “Mom, when you don’t listen to me, it makes me feel really bad!” And then--after taking some time to connect with my little one--it came to me: ah, my heart was tired of not being listened to!

It’s time to stop judging the messages I am receiving and start listening to what I know I must do.

Anything your heart has been trying to tell you that you may be ignoring?