Love the One You're With

Love the one you’re with and that would be you. Bryon Katie, author

I’m about to overflow with insights and revelations. If I didn’t have so many deadlines this week, I’d grab my journal and pens, head for the nearest cave with a bag of pistachios and a jug of water and write, write, write!

This past week began with a solo personal planning retreat, followed by a screening of Race To Nowhere, then I led a beautiful Women’s Winter Self-Renewal Retreat and finally this weekend, I attended a Byron Katie seminar with two of my team members.

Just when I think it’s time to give up teaching the self-care message and move on, the Universe presents me with one case after another for why this work is so key and how crucial it is to our relationships (with self and others), our career paths, our emotional well-being and our spiritual development.

If I were holding an onion, self-care would be the outer layer, then a few layers deeper, I’d find self-acceptance. Then finally at the core: self-love. I see self-care as the doorway through which we must go to truly accept who we are, and ultimately, to begin to love ourselves.

I’ve been on the self-care journey for close to eleven years and I still have a long way to go.

Yet, reflecting on the gifts that have come to me from learning to love myself, I am grateful for where I am. (Friday night after returning from a long day at The Crossings, before my head hit my pillow, I entertained a bit of self-criticism: “Your energy was really low today, you weren’t as focused as usual,” followed by a compassionate reminder, “And you didn’t get any sleep on Thursday night and received an abundance of positive feedback about how meaningful the day was for those who attended.”) Self-love is definitely an ever-evolving process.

Practicing self-acceptance and self-love has helped me to:
-be more easy-going and to “go with the flow”
-see that little things stay little (my kid not picking up his toys) and don’t become front page news
-have more space around my thoughts and become more present
-be kinder and more compassionate to others (whether it’s a waitress, family member, car mechanic or business partner)
-feel and connect more deeply to God as opposed to experiencing God as a concept in my head
-react less and Live Inside Out more
-sense my connection to everything around me and how interwoven we all are

And most importantly, it’s helped me feel –more and more often--that everything is ok, no matter what happens. And ultimately, this ongoing sense of peace and well-being is what we’re all seeking, isn’t it?

Last night as I put my 8 year-old to bed, I played Long Time Sun for him (this version is from Snatam Kaur's Feeling Good Today kids CD). Whenever I hear it, I am flooded with feelings of peace and self-love. I hope he feels the same.

I love to hear from, connect with and meet The Journey readers at our events. I invite you to:

>Find Your Tribe: Join or become trained to lead Self- Renewal Groups
>Attend a retreat/event
>Join the Dialogue on our Live Inside Out Facebook Community
>Pick up The Mother's Guide to Self-Renewal from the library or buy it here
>Download FREE Live Inside Out Teleclasses and read my January Life Balance newsletter
>Take Action: Contact one of our career or life balance coaches for 1-on-1 support; receive an initial complimentary consultation
>Empower Others: Schedule Renee Trudeau for a private workshop or retreat for your company or organization
>Subscribe to my life balance blog The Journey for weekly inspiration

The Journey, a blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey and living life from the inside out, comes out weekly.

Photo: A retreat attendee enjoying the beautiful weather at Kripalu; join me April 29-May 1 in the Berkshire Mountains in MA at this amazing yoga and wellness center.

Letting Go

As I write the theme for this post in the subject line above, I can feel half my body applauding loudly and the other half saying, “Really?!”

Sitting at my desk at work right now surrounded by tax forms, to-do lists, contracts to review and pistachios--I’m juggling one of our cars being in the shop after a recent costly repair last month, my almost-nine-year-old in total disequilibrium (he confessed this morning he was taking “shots” of chocolate syrup from the fridge after his breakfast didn’t “cut it”), preparing to lead a teleclass this week with my brother, doing a TV interview tomorrow, managing hormonal ups and downs, responding to staff/clients requests, training 2 new staff members who started Monday and preparing for our Jan. 28th Winter Self-Renewal Retreat and several other events immediately following.

My theme for 2011 is playful (different than “playing” –which I do quite a bit).

This theme arose from my deep desire to really take both hands off the wheel and let go in all areas of my life.

I decided that for me, letting go completely would look like being “playful” at work, at home and in relationships. I’ll keep you posted how this unfolds in 2011!

So today, as I was driving back from yoga class, I asked myself what does letting go really look like? Today, it’s:

-Committing to keeping self-care at the top of my list, even on days like today, when I feel stretched way too thin
-Surrendering my relationships with my partner, child and extended family to Spirit—a source much wiser and larger than myself
-Trusting that I will listen, allow synchronicity to unfold and be guided exactly how best to use my talents, energy, time and resources to serve others
-Allowing myself to hit the “reset” button as often as I need to, and begin anew each day
-Remembering that I’m not alone and that asking for help allows me to release control and embrace “good is good enough”

I shudder to think how controlling I was in my twenties (I don’t think I’d want to be friends with her if we were to meet on the street today!).

I got a lot better in my thirties--having Jonah helped with this--and now at 45, I’m really ready to release the need to have things go my way. Because when things "look" like they're going my way, it's all a big illusion anyway. Isn’t it? (If you're in Austin, don't miss the opportunity to see Byron Katie Jan. 28-29. She taught me a lot about control.)

One of the quotes I love that's in The Mother's Guide to Self-Renewal and always gets women laughing, is “For peace of mind, resign as general manager of the Universe.” Larry Eisenberg

Baby steps. Keep calm and carry on.

I love to hear from, connect with and meet The Journey readers at our events. I invite you to:

>Find Your Tribe: Join or become trained to lead Self- Renewal Groups
>Attend my Jan. 28th Self-Renewal Retreat or another retreat/event
>Join the Dialogue on our Live Inside Out Facebook Community
>Pick up The Mother's Guide to Self-Renewal from the library or buy it here
>Download FREE Live Inside Out Telelcasses and read my January Life Balance newsletter
>Take Action: Contact one of our career or life balance coaches for 1-on-1 support; receive an initial complimentary consultation
>Empower Others: Schedule Renee Trudeau for a private workshop or retreat for your company or organization
>Subscribe to my life balance blog The Journey for weekly inspiration

The Journey, a blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey and living life from the inside out, comes out weekly. You can subscribe here.

Photo: One of my biggest teachers on the planet on the subject of playfulness: my younger brother Kert, a Qi Gong teacher. You can always count on Kert to find humor and silliness in EVERY situation! In this photo Kert and I (ages four and three) are discussing our next Life Balance Telelcass.

Your Stillpoint

Last week, over the course of several days, we received a handful of emails and phone calls from entrepreneur clients and colleagues sharing the news that their start-up businesses were not where they needed to be financially at year-end and they would be seeking employment in 2010 to supplement their income until their small businesses grew legs.

While none of them were overjoyed about this decision, most had come to this place not from fear, but from the realization that this was what was necessary right now. They were accepting—rather than fighting—“what is,” (Byron Katie believes that the root of all suffering is caused by arguing with reality): too many expenses, not enough income.

As all my entrepreneur clients know, I’m also a big believer in focusing on what is possible—thinking big, expansively and opening yourself up to success and opportunities beyond your wildest dreams.

Sounds like two opposite ends of the spectrum, huh?

For over a week now, I’ve been playing with the concept of living in polarity.

Can you hold a big space for expansiveness/possibility/unbelievable abundance for your life, career or business AND be with “what is”—which for some may currently include incredible financial stress, mounting bills, navigating the unknown and dancing with your shadow?

Is it possible to really be with both of these experiences at the same time? Where is the “still point” for you—that quiet space in between the two extremes? And how do you get there?

Many believe the ability to hold both—to hang out in the stillpoint—is the key to accessing the wisdom and solutions we desire. You’ve heard the Einstein quote “problems are not solved on the level at which they are created?”

I’m going to keep playing with the concept of polarity this month and exploring this in all areas of my life-- relationships, money, parenting, health, my businesses—in all the places where dual realities exist.

Who knows, maybe I’ll find the stillpoint and access answers that just might blow my mind. Willing to play along with me?

AN INVITATION: Interested in slowing down, receiving ongoing emotional support and tapping into the power of self-care? Learn how you can join or become trained to lead a self-renewal circle for women. And, view all upcoming events here.

Also, visit Live Inside Out to listen to past Live Inside Out teleclasses or to sign up to receive weekly tips on how to live more intentionally through our Live Inside Out Facebook Community.

The Journey, a blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey to life balance and living life from the inside out, comes out weekly.

Photo: a painting I created during an Intuitive Arts Painting Class with www.FireTreeStudios.com.

Thank You Jonah

My husband and I are taking a seven-week parenting class right now.

Most of us weren’t “born” to know how to consciously parent and many of us didn’t have healthy models for how to be in relationship, so getting support on how to do the hardest and most important job in the world is well worth the resource and time investment, in my book.

Although we’ve taken some classes here and there, this one in particular, has been quite enlightening. And, for me, it’s brought up deep feelings of gratitude for the opportunity to be a mother to this sweet, wonderful soul and to be his pupil. (Even when he challenges me to my limit!).

I was inspired this week to write a thank-you letter to my Zen Master. Here it is:

Dear Jonah:

Thank you for choosing me as your mother.

I am deeply grateful for the opportunity to accompany you on your journey on planet earth this go around.

You remind me daily of all the good that exists in each of us, in the world, how interconnected we all are and what really matters.

You’re the most profound teacher I’ve ever had (where did you go to school again?!).

I’ve learned so much in the last seven years about patience, kindness, compassion, openness, trusting, starting over, softening, releasing, letting go, stretching, expanding and slowing down.

And I love to hear you remind me, “Mom, things are better when they’re slow.”

You’ve taught me volumes about forgiveness—towards those closest to me, my parents and especially my self. And about love—its limitlessness, its power and its ability to heal everything--always.

You stop me daily in my tracks with your wise words and insightful perspective and I love it when you quote Byron Katie and ask, “Mom, is this your business, his/her business or God’s business?”

Nature—oh beautiful, healing, serene, awesome nature. Our favorite playground and the environment where I feel most connected to who you are and our innate divinity. Thank you for inspiring me to return to nature time and time again to replenish my well.

I am looking forward to all the lessons you have in store for me in the coming years. And, I appreciate your faith in me as your mother and your willingness to love me, warts and all.

Thank you for being such a source of inspiration for me to give birth to the best that is within me.

With deep gratitude. Love, Renee


P.S. Interested in meeting once a month in a women's self-renewal circle to enhance your ability to be more present and parent more consciously? Join or become trained to lead a Personal Renewal Group for mothers. Life coaching groups are meeting from Amsterdam to Akron. Nothing has had a more profound impact on my parenting than being in a PRG.

Learn more about how to Live Inside Out (and become a fan on the Live Inside Out Facebook page).

The Journey, a blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey to life balance and living life from the inside out, comes out weekly. Subscribe here. For more information on Renee’s upcoming events, click here.


Photo: My friend Susan Goodman took this picture of Jonah and I in 2003.

It Is What It Is

This morning I woke up around 5:00 a.m. with a tight chest and my mind was whirring like a hamster on a wheel.

Late last month, my two amazing support team members both shared they are moving on to new opportunities—which I’m totally supportive of, but it’s still a huge transition. We’re in the middle of organizing 4 upcoming national events (one of them is on an international scale), I am training/hiring new interns and like many businesses, spring is typically our busiest time of year.

Then, my little one came in this morning and said “I can’t go to school mom, I’m sick.”

So I did what all busy entrepreneurs should do when overwhelm comes knocking at their door. I made my husband stay home with our child while I went to yoga. And I practiced being with my breath and accepting “What is.”

Spiritual teacher/author Byron Katie talks about the idea that suffering is optional.

She says suffering, pain, discomfort come from resisting “What is.”

I really resonate with the concept that our thinking—and I believe language—dictate our emotional state. So rather than feeling like I have mountains of work to do, I have the option of being grateful for the opportunity to do what I love, to help others and to have an amazing support network that steps forward time and time again to help out.

Hmm. Can we really change how we feel by changing how we see a situation?

I’m sure I’m going to move in/out of numerous emotional states over the next several weeks, but I’m going to be more vigilant about my thoughts and words. And, of course, keep being gentle with myself.

Resources: Check out my tips on 6 Ways to Tap Into Inner Peace for some ideas on how to anchor during these times of uncertainty. Or learn more about my Spring Self-Renewal Retreat for Women—we only have a few spots left. What an awesome Mother’s Day gift!

Video: While hiking in the Boquillas Canyon on my recent trip to Big Bend National Park with my son and husband, I was mesmerized by this tree branch stuck in the middle of the Rio Grande River, which divides Mexico and the U.S. It immediately made me think about the idea of resisting life, resisting “what is,” and how we can get stuck when we don't go with the flow.

LIVE INSIDE OUT Mother’s Day Celebration May 8-10th
Do you have a copy of our award-winning book The Mother’s Guide to Self-Renewal: How to Reclaim, Rejuvenate and Re-Balance Your Life? If not, sign up for my life balance newsletter at http://www.reneetrudeau.com/ today and receive a free download of the book in your inbox over Mother’s Day Weekend May 8th-10th. Feel free to share this amazing gift—a $20 value-- with your friends around the globe! For women of all ages, the book has received rave reviews.

The Journey, a blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey to life balance and living life from the inside out, comes out weekly. Subscribe here. For more information on Renee’s upcoming events, click here.

Perception

One of my favorite quotes is "Don't believe everything you think."

Author/speaker/spiritual teacher Byron Katie (http://www.thework.com/) tells a great story about an experience she had at a busy airport restroom. She waited in line and finally a woman emerged from the stall nearest where she was standing. Katie walked in and was immediately irritated to see the seat was completely wet! How inconsiderate and thoughtless of that woman, she said to herself. After Katie cleaned up the seat and was done, she flushed the toilet and as she unhooked the latch to leave, she noticed water from the commode backfiring and completely spraying the entire toilet seat!

Katie likes to say, "We're not always wrong, only 99% of the time."

How often do we meander down a trail of thought based on an assumption we're clinging to --about another person, a situation or whatever has triggered us--which in all likelihood is just flat out not true?

As a career coach, I hear stories all the time from clients who feel "wronged" by bosses, coworkers, clients, companies, HR departments, etc. Many times, when I suggest another way of looking at a situation, they realize how "off" their perception is about the situation. (My recent Career Management Resources newsletter: www.careerstrategists.net/htmlemail/july08.html) offered suggestions for moving beyond these wounds.)

Or, sometimes we adopt a certain way of seeing things that could be holding us back ("X is just too hard, it will cost too much, take too long, it will never work, etc.) and feel stuck in how we're perceiving the situation.

Last year, I pushed away accepting speaking engagements outside of Texas, thinking my son was too young, they would be too work-intensive, they wouldn't pay me enough to make it worth my time and on and on (you see where I'm going?).

About three months ago, I had a huge shift--don't ask me how-- around national/international speaking gigs and now my attitude is, bring 'em on--these are fun, easy, they let me leverage my strengths, they pay well and they provide me with a wonderful opportunity to help others on a larger scale! What more could I ask for?

Interesting how my perception changed so completely.

This morning, my sweet six-year old and I let Dad sleep in (he was up late playing at a Brazilian music festival) and decided to head out for an adventure.

We rode our bikes--for the first time--to the local Mexican restaurant 2 miles away for breakfast tacos. It was a bit of an obstacle course--navigating around dogs, other bikers, sprinklers, traffic lights, cars blocking driveways--and I have to admit, a part of me was slightly critical of the experience (wishing I had brought water, wishing the breakfast tacos were a little healthier, wishing my son's bike was a better fit for him, etc.).

But, my little guy perceived the morning as absolute perfection--"Mom, I love the breeze, we're riding our bikes somewhere new AND I just found a beautiful acorn on the sidewalk. This is the best time ever!!"

I'm grateful for my small, sweet teacher. And, the realization that a change in perception--and how we feel-- really is only a thought away.

P.S. If you feel like you're moving too fast to pause and question your "perceptions," check out my latest Life Balance newsletter: www.reneetrudeau.com/htmlemail/september2008.html and accompanying exercise on this topic.

Acceptance

When I have time, I really enjoy nurturing my family and myself by cooking great meals, using a lot of local, fresh produce from our weekly Johnson's Backyard Garden CSA subscription (http://www.johnsonsbackyardgarden.com/. There are so many yummy summer veggie dishes to enjoy this time of year--roasted veggie pizza, fresh corn on the cob dripping in butter, pasta primavera, cucumber/tomato salad with hummus and tabouli, peach ginger crisp, fresh blackberry pie, sauteed garden veggie fritatta, figs with goat cheese and walnuts and on and on (yes, I love food!).

Thursday night I planned a great simple dinner of citrus/shallot swordfish, rice with toasted sesame seeds, sauteed garlic eggplant and fresh pineapple. Unfortunately, upon sitting down to eat (after a good amount of prep time/cooking), we discovered the swordfish we had gotten for Whole Foods was bad and the fresh egglplant was bitter (and was not from Johnson's). So, our dinner ended up consisting of rice and pineapple! I felt some disappointment that quickly turned to laughter and my husband and son and I ended up finishing dinner early and heading outside for a walk.

Internationally-known speaker/spiritual teacher Byron Katie (http://www.thework.com/), author of "Loving What Is," says the root of our suffering is caused by not accepting "what is." She says we create pain, sadness and deeper emotions than these when we argue with reality. She has a short but powerful 4-question process highlighted in her books and on her site, that challenges you to question your thoughts and begin to understand that the world is our perception of it. We see and hear through the filter of our "story." I know--this may be a radical notion for some, but here is what I've observed with my coaching clients and myself:

We have a finite amount of energy available to us each day, right? When we stay stuck in fighting "what is" -whether that's our current state of unemployment, chronic pain, an astronimical Visa bill, a car accident that is causing us great inconvenience or discomfort, a 401-K that appears to be tanking--we're giving away our precious energy to something we often have NO ability to change.

Not only does this keep us stuck, but it prevents our energy from going towards what's really important to us--our career change, nurturing our relationships, being present with our kids, a new creative project, growing our business, connecting/collaboaring with others, etc.

I remember years ago, the smallest thing--a significant error on a phone bill, something at work I "perceived" was not going my way, an argument with a sibling--would really throw me. Sometimes, for days! I think about how much energy I wasted fighting "what was" and ruminating about how things might be different.

Two weeks ago, my new five-month old car was parked in front of a restaurant where my family and I were eating. Before our food arrived, a server informed us that someone had slammed into my car (causing 3K in damage) and left. No one got their license plate. This week, my husband's car started leaking gas and he ended up having to fork over for a $1400 fuel tank replacement, and he got to take the bus to his office all week, which is located an hour north of where we live.

I'm not going to say these things didn't cause us significant irritation--I have a new business in start-up-mode, so we are very budget conscious right now--but we didn't dwell on these problems. We handled them as they came up. And, we moved on. Because, we decided we'd rather feel peace than fight reality.

This has taken years of practice and we have a long way to go, but, I'd challenge you--just for fun--notice how long you allow yourself to stay stuck when you experience something that initially looks or sounds "bad." Katie says, "Arguing with reality is like trying to teach a cat to bark--hopeless."

Peace is only a thought away (don't know who said that, but isn't is the truth?!) . Take good care.

Don't Believe Everything You Think

Photo: Cliffs of Moher, County Clare, Irleland, August 2007, Renee Trudeau

The two weeks before Thanksgiving were really stressful for me. I was feeling pulled in too many directions by work, had countless deadlines breathing down my back and I was feeling discouraged by the amount of time/resources I was putting into a project--that was only just getting off the ground. I felt overwhelmed by my inbox, requests from others for help and demands from family--I was cooked!

One of the things that most frustrated me about that crazy period was that I had lost perspective--and I knew it.

My thoughts were tiresome, stressful and repetitive. I could feel how "stuck" I was and all I could do was pray for a change in perspective.

Author/teacher Byron Katie (www.thework.com), says "An unquestioned mind is the world of suffering. There are no new stressful thoughts. They’re all recycled."

So true. I've always loved the saying "Don't believe everything you think." When I'm feeling stuck, I try to remember this phrase and not take myself--or my thinking--too seriously!

And, finally, clarity and relief did come (it always does in its own sweet time, doesn't it?).

After slowing down, going for a hike on the greenbelt with my family and releasing some of my self-imposed ideas about how things "should be going," I was able to finally ease up, relax and start living in the present: the only place we can be assured of true inner peace, right?

The photo I took above of the Cliffs of Moher in Ireland--a stunning sight--helps me gain perspective on my life. The vastness of the rock wall and ocean reminds me of how trivial my problem du jour really is and how essential it is that I trust in that which is greater than me.

Thank you God for the opportunity to--at any moment--change how we see things.