Balancing Being and Doing

Image: Debbie Marie Gallery (www.debbiemariegallery.com)

“Life is not a thing to be managed. It’s a mystery to be lived.” Anonymous

I am in the process of birthing a new way of being. And, like most births, it’s messy and not easy.

Although many would look at my life and exclaim how lucky I am to have a completely flexible schedule, to be self employed, to have two successful businesses I’m passionate about, to be able to create space each day to exercise/move my body and sit down every night with my family for a homemade meal, to be able to serve and support others, to be clear on my life priorities and to have made choices that allow me to be spend time with my young son everyday after he gets out of school and my family in the evenings and weekends-- it’s not working for me. My daily pace is still too fast and doesn’t support how I really want to be.

This morning when I woke up, I entertained the thought of going to the gym for a weights/cardio workout to help combat my recent forty-something weight gain, but decided instead to follow my intuition and set the tone for the week by attending a highly nourishing and soulful yoga class down the street. After a wonderful savasana (the deep relaxation that ends most yoga sessions and is said to be the most difficult asana of all because it requires you to completely surrender to stillness), my 28-year old sister, who was also in the class and is currently in a yoga teacher training program, invited me to tea. I had a stack of work awaiting me, but decided screw it—I’m wanting more spaciousness in my days, so why don’t I act “as if” and start living the life I desire now!

While visiting with her about my writing sabbatical and what was going on with me, tears started pouring from my eyes as I begin sharing about wanting to work differently—wanting the pace of my days to change and “how I worked” to alter, specifically spending more time in meaningful connecting with others through speaking, group work, coaching, mentoring and writing and less time doing everything else it takes to run thriving businesses (particularly answering hundreds of emails each week--truly a poor use of my talents and time).

My yearning for relaxed, spacious, creative days that “flow” and are completely guided by my inner wisdom, my intuition and a deep trusting is palpable. It feels as if my soul, my essence is saying, “Enough!!—this daily schedule may work well for some, but it’s too much for you. You need to slow down for good. And, your creative “well,” which is deep, churning and rising—is begging for stillness, its portal for birth and life."

I can see the inner work and releasing that needs to happen on my part to make this all possible. And, I am reminding myself, that this will take some time (I have a personal goal of being “off” email—one of the biggest emotional drains for me-- by January 2009, meaning someone else would handle this for me).

So, I am being gentle with myself and taking baby steps towards this new way of working and being.

The other night I had a dream that centered around me being tired, exhausted. And, when I awoke, my heart kept aching. All day I sat with the themes of my aching heart and being tired and wondered what message was here for me.

The next day, my six year-old son, had a serious tantrum around wanting to go out to Target to buy new swim goggles—a trip I had refused to take that day. Finally in exasperation, he screamed “Mom, when you don’t listen to me, it makes me feel really bad!” And then--after taking some time to connect with my little one--it came to me: ah, my heart was tired of not being listened to!

It’s time to stop judging the messages I am receiving and start listening to what I know I must do.

Anything your heart has been trying to tell you that you may be ignoring?

Shifting

Have you ever been stuck in a way of seeing things or doing things and you know it isn’t working for you, but you can’t see how to find your way out of this pattern? (Uggh, that can feel uncomfortable!!)

And then, you recommit to your own growth/spiritual work and one day, you have the incredibly joyful (and elated) realization that you’ve SHIFTED and no longer feel compelled to do/see or experience things as you had before?

And, if you’re like me, when you’re in that place where the veil has just been lifted, you might plead “please don’t let me revert back to my old stuck patterns .... I’ve seen there is a new/easier/effortless way and I want to be forever changed!” But, because we’re human, we do revert to old thinking at times—only, we don’t stay as stuck or for as long.

I guess this is what we call spiritual evolution.

When I’ve found myself locked into one of my old, unproductive patterns (for example, buying into the notion that I “must” get certain things at work accomplished before I leave for the day, “or else....” ....or else, what?! .... like there won’t always be more work waiting, not too mention that the amount of work I’m trying to accomplish in a given week is usually impossible given my resources)-- and I can’t “see” anyway to shift, I pray.

Prayer for me is simply connecting with God (whether you call that source Spirit, your Higher Power, the Universe, your intuition or your inner voice).

I surrender my situation and my thinking and I simply and quietly state my desire for a permanent shift in how I see things. “I desire to see and live in a way that serves my highest good.”

Sometimes this shift happens right away. Sometimes it takes weeks, or a month or two. But it always comes.

Thank God.

How many times do we try to “think” our way to feeling better and how often does it work? For me the answer is “never.”

I’d love to hear how your experience or create “shifts” in your life, whether that’s through prayer, meditation, moving your body, painting/drawing, playing music or something else .....

Image: This painting is from Mara Friedman, an amazing artist in the Pacific Northwest who creates images of the Divine Feminine. This particular painting is called Awakening Maiden and "represents a woman blossoming and growing in wisdom and understanding." You can check out and purchase Mara's work at www.newmoonvisions.com.