People First, Things Second

As a life balance teacher, I'm always questioning how I can help myself and others come into greater equilibrium--not just around work and life, but around feeling and thinking, being and doing, and giving and receiving.

Yesterday morning I found myself standing in my front doorway staring out at a beautiful oak tree. Bathed in sunlight, I held a cup of lemon ginger tea in one hand and my to-do list in the other.

 

I was waiting for a friend that I was helping out of a financial jam, and beginning to wonder how crucial this hot list of tasks I was holding--that had seemed so important earlier in the day--really were. 
 

The moment felt big and pregnant (ever have those?) and I had the strong sensation that I was being asked to stop everything … and become present to what life was trying to tell me.

 

Over the last few days, I’ve been surrounded by close friends and dear acquaintances who are struggling with big stuff. Life or death stuff. Fork in the road stuff. Questions that don’t have easy or quick answers stuff.

 

One of my son’s teachers lost her 19 year-old son in a fatal car accident right before Thanksgiving (this touched me deeply as my brother was the same age when he died). A close colleague is struggling financially to pay even her basic bills. Another friend has been battling depression and is in limbo around her life purpose and direction. One of my childhood friends is navigating the holidays with her kids after the loss of her husband 5 months ago. Another dear friend, a mother to two young kids, is working herself to the bone and having a hard time seeing a way out of a never ending cycle of overwork.

 

Standing here, frozen in this moment, I'm racked with the questions, "What can I do? How can I best help?" And as I write personal notes to them, leave messages and emails, offer prayers and resources--I'm reminded that this work, however small and insignificant it may feel--is more important than any task, deadline or to-do. Being here for each other is the most important thing there is.

 

So my prayer as I move through December--a time when we're all a bit more tender--is “Guide me how to best serve and help my brothers and sisters who are in my life right now." Because we don't have to go to Africa or a low-income area or a disadvantaged school to find people in need.

 

Help is needed right here, right now and often those whose paths we cross daily are hurting and in dire need of a kind word or deed. But unless we drop the "Gotta get it done" mentality long enough to be fully present and *really* see those around us, we'll miss the call for help altogether. Like I almost did this past week.

Have you heard about the I CHOOSE LOVE public service campaign? It's a reminder that when we come from love--one of the most powerful yet underutilized forces on the planet--we have the ability to transcend fear and remember what we're really hear to do: give and receive love. Learn more and order a tshirt (at cost).

I love to hear from, connect with and meet Live Inside Out readers at our events. I invite you to:

• Find Your Tribe: Join or learn to facilitate Personal Renewal Groups for women
• Attend a retreat/event this spring or hire Renee to create one for your group
• Learn about Live Inside Out and receive weekly inspiration on our Live Inside Out Facebook Community
• Pick up my life balance title The Mother's Guide to Self-Renewal from the library or buy it here or at your local bookstore
• Read past issues of my Life Balance newsletter or Career Management newsletter
• Take Action: Contact one of our career or life balance coaches for 1-on-1 support; receive an initial complimentary consultation
• Empower Others: Schedule Renee for a private workshop or retreat for your company or organization
• Subscribe to Live Inside Out, a weekly blog about coach/author/speaker Renee Trudeau’s personal journey to creating balance from the inside out.

Note: this post was modified from a post that ran in December 2011. It felt especially timely right now.

Why Can't I Sit Still?

I finished the first draft of the manuscript for my new book on Friday (more to come on this fruitful journey and the gifts that came from the last several months). In many ways, the work is just beginning, but I’m committed to stopping to smell the roses whenever I can.

To celebrate and reconnect, my family headed down to Port Aransas on the Texas coast, for a weekend of doing nothing. At least that was the idea.

Even though I love to sit, relax and just listen to the ocean waves, I had a hard time just being.

When my husband put down a Mexican blanket for us on the beach (my ten-year-old son and his friend swam everyday we were there, even though the water was 60 degrees), I started doing yoga. And when we headed to the south jetty to look at the jellyfish, I brought my small Moleskine notebook and a pen in case I thought of new ideas to incorporate into the book. In the early evening, I invited the guys to sit out on the condo porch with me and watch the sun set—while I flipped through an old National Geographic.

Why is it so hard to just sit and do nothing. No thing. Not one thing. For me, yes—I’m a big idea girl and am constantly envisioning, dreaming and imagining—but I think it also ties back to my old habitual thinking around productivity=worth (read more).

I watched myself this weekend without judgment, more with amusement than anything else. (My husband came up with a new career for himself: he’s so good at resisting the compulsion to “get busy” that he’s going to become a presence coach and offer to sit with people like me who feel the drive to multitask and help us do nothing; he’s guessing he could charge $100/hour for this. What do you think?!)

I know that the desire to do more than one thing at a time is common for many of us and it’s a rare bird—like my beloved—that can sit and stare out into nature without feeling the need to pick up shells or brainstorm on places he’d like to visit. But, I can’t help but notice  how multitasking makes me feel (speeded up, tight, constricted, less open to solutions, less connected to others). And not just while it’s happening, but for hours and days later.

This week as I return to hundreds of unopened emails from the last two months and reply to a long stream of requests, I’m going to build in short spells into my day where I literally do nothing.  Feel free to join me if you're free--I'd love the company.

P.S. I guess my intention last week to remain curious paid off! I've received a lot of new insights this week.

Join us and CHOOSE LOVE in 2012: The I Choose Love public service campaign is a reminder that when we come from love--one of the most powerful yet underutilized forces on the planet--we have the ability to transcend fear and remember what we're really hear to do: give and receive love. Learn more and order a tshirt (at cost).

I love to hear from, connect with and meet The Journey readers at our events. I invite you to:

• Find Your Tribe: Join or become trained to lead Personal Renewal Groups for women
• Attend a retreat/event including my April 13th Empowered Entrepreneur Retreat and my April Esalen and June Kripalu retreats
• Learn about Live Inside Out and receive weekly inspiration on our Live Inside Out Facebook Community
• Pick up my life balance title The Mother's Guide to Self-Renewal from the library or buy it here
• Read past issues of my Life Balance newsletter
• Take Action: Contact one of our career or life balance coaches for 1-on-1 support; receive an initial complimentary consultation
• Empower Others: Schedule Renee for a private workshop or retreat for your company or organization

Subscribe to The Journey, a weekly blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey to creating balance from the inside out. 

Video:  The Gulf of Mexico, Port Aransas, Texas.

Aware ... ness

It's 7:00 a.m. I’m sitting at my computer replying to some timely emails before I finish helping my son find his shoes and water bottle and get out the door for school.

He walks into my upstairs office and sits down in the office chair opposite mine and begins to twirl in circles like a mad man, while telling me about a really cool skateboard trick he saw Connor, his 12-year old idol perform last night on our sidewalk.

When this happens—-which is quite often--I usually try and stop for a minute and explain that I can’t give him my full attention until I finish this task, but I'd love to meet him downstairs shortly or could he save the story for dinner time?

Sometimes I do this in gentle tones. Sometimes there’s a sharpness to my voice I wish wasn’t there.

But this morning, I stopped, looked up (I love his earnestness and passion), pushed my laptop aside and really saw him. For a moment, I jumped into his world, imagining how he must have felt watching Connor—wishing his small nine-year old string bean body could do what this testerone-flooded big boy’s could. I could feel how badly he wanted me to experience his excitement at witnessing this force of nature. And for a moment, a veil was lifted, and I did.

And when he left for school with his dad this morning and came to me for a goodbye hug and kiss, I held him tighter than normal and looked intently into his eyes whispering silently, “I see you.”

This five minutes of enlightenment reminded me of Betty Sue Flowers and her son, when she shared at a women’s conference years ago, that to really understand and connect with someone you have to have a desire to move into their world, to occupy their space. Not outside-in, but from the inside-out.

I’m carrying forward this moment into my week with the intention of having “heightened awareness” in how I approach my work, my team, clients, my family, friends and my environment.

I think a lot about being more present and how I can cultivate this quality in my everyday experience (listen here to the class Carrie Contey, PhD and I just led on this theme).

But, I’m realizing there are degrees of “presence.” And sometimes when I think I’m really listening to my son or husband or loved ones. I’m not. At least not like I did this morning with my little guy.

Before my husband and third-grader zipped off to school in our dirty VW, my son rolled down the window and I called out to him from the porch, “Maybe I could get a skateboard and we could try some of those tricks together?” He looked at me funny, “Mom, that would be embarrassing.” And then after a short pause, he added quietly but with hope .. “Would you really do that?” Yes, Jonah, I would.

I love to hear from, connect with and meet The Journey readers at our events. I invite you to:

>Find Your Tribe: Join or become trained to lead Self- Renewal Groups
>Attend a retreat/event or workshop
>Join the Dialogue on our Live Inside Out Facebook Community
>Pick up The Mother's Guide to Self-Renewal from the library or buy it here
>Download FREE Live Inside Out Teleclasses, join us for our Aug. 25 class on Going with the Flow While Still Getting Things Done! and read past issues of my Life Balance newsletter
>Take Action: Contact one of our career or life balance coaches for 1-on-1 support; receive an initial complimentary consultation
>Empower Others: Schedule Renee Trudeau for a private workshop or retreat for your company or organization
>Subscribe to my life balance blog The Journey for weekly inspiration

The Journey, a blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey and living life from the inside out, comes out weekly.

Photos: After a heavy rain, our yard was filled with these critters. When my son brought in eight of them to adorn our bathroom sink and compete in a snail race, I was mortified ... and then delighted. They're actually very cool.

Right Here, Right Now

Following a rich, connective one-day self-renewal retreat I facilitated on Friday, I attended and volunteered at GenAustin’s statewide We Are Girls Conference at the Ann Richards School for Girls all day Saturday. It was an emotionally intense weekend and one of the experiences I can’t shake was during a self-care workshop I led for high school girls and mothers Saturday afternoon.

At the end of our interactive workshop session where we explored the concept of self-care and what our portals are for self-nurturing and nourishment, I gave each woman a juicy Clementine orange.

I invited them to close their eyes and “fill” the orange with whatever it is they most need right now –support, the ability to say no, peace/well-being, self-acceptance, courage,etc. After this reflective meditation, I asked them to slowly smell, peel and then very mindfully, eat their imbued orange—symbolizing the act of fully “receiving” the qualities they had just bestowed upon themselves.

All of the moms in the room—except for one—were single, working women juggling a thousand daily obligations.

After the exercise, they shared how difficult it was to slow down and become that present (I could relate—I had a hard time eating just one section of the orange at a time!). One woman remarked that in her day to day life, she was afraid to slow down that much. She was so tired that she worried if she ever stopped and really allowed herself to become present and feel her feelings, she might not be able to get up to speed again to her normal ninety to nothing pace.

I think most of us resist being present much of the time. It's hard.

But I also know from personal experience, that it’s one of the secrets to experiencing more peace, well-being and harmony in our day-to-day lives.

I’m going to keep a sweet baby Clementine orange on my desk this week at work as I move into an overly-busy schedule and back-to-back events Thursday through Monday.

I’m hoping this visual will help remind me to slow down, to be more conscious, present and remember that overwhelm happens when I live in the future and anticipate all the things that lie before me.

And, the opportunity to feel peaceful exists when I stay right here, right now. In this very moment. And, then the next moment. And then, the next.

"Something wonderful begins to happen with the simple realization that life, like an automobile, is driven from the inside out, not the other way around. As you focus more on becoming more peaceful with where you are, rather than focusing on where you would rather be, you begin to find peace right now, in the present. Then, as you move around, try new things, and meet new people, you carry that sense of inner peace with you. It's absolutely true that, "Wherever you go, there you are." Richard Carlson, author, “Slowing Down to the Speed of Life” and “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff …And, It’s All Small Stuff.”

FIND YOUR TRIBE, ATTEND A RETREAT/WORKSHOP OR JOIN THE DIALOGUE: Would you like support for reconnecting with who you are and focusing on being more present in your everyday life? Join or become trained to facilitate a Personal Renewal Group, visit our calendar to learn more about upcoming events.

Also, check out our Live Inside Out community and read how people are living more intentionally.

The Journey, a blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey to life balance and living life from the inside out, comes out weekly.

Photo: Renee Trudeau--one of the juicy Clementine's from my self-care workshop.

Overwhelm

I define life balance as having enough time, energy and resources for those things that are most important to me.

So is feeling overwhelmed—the suitor currently knocking on my door asking for a dance-- what happens when this is not the case?

I’m sure many of you can relate: I just returned home from a full five-day conference to pressing work deadlines, staff transitions to support, hundreds of emails and phone calls, a house that looks like a tornado just blew through it and a husband and child who desperately need to reconnect with me (forget the stack of unaddressed holiday cards waiting to be sent out, my son’s repeated requests to put up a Christmas tree TODAY or the extended family email chain heatedly discussing “how to celebrate Christmas” that awaits my reply).

I was coached in the mid-nineties by a presence coach on the relationship between thought and mood (ex: feeling anxious or upset—what thoughts preceded these emotions? ...feeling sad or depressed, what is your dominant internal “mantra?”).

I get that I create stress or overwhelm based on my thinking and perception of a situation. It doesn’t happen to me. And I also understand that it’s easy for all of us to tap into a greater “collective overwhelm,” particularly this time of year (read more on this in my December life balance newsletter). And, I also believe that we’re simply all trying to do too much.

But the holidays can be particularly challenging (I’m remembering now how much my mom disliked the holidays and how stressed out she used to get this time of year. Think there is a connection there? Nahhh.)

As I move through my day and week and become more aware of my thinking (and firmly but respectfully asking Monsieur Overwhelm to go knock on our neighbor’s door, my dance card is full), I remember one of the most important teachings I learned from my presence coach.

When I felt like I was swimming in a sea of stress, she would remind me to just breathe. Slow down. Listen to my body’s internal rhythm. And know that the peace I desire is right here, right now. In the present moment. It’s been there all along.

"Unease, anxiety, tension, overwhelm, stress, worry — all forms of fear — are caused by too much future, and not enough presence. Guilt, regret, resentment, grievances, sadness, bitterness, and all forms of nonforgiveness are caused by too much past, and not enough presence" Eckhart Tolle, author, The Power of Now

AN INVITATION: Interested in slowing down, being more present and tapping into the power of self-care? Learn how you can join or become trained to lead a self-renewal circle for women. And, view all upcoming events here.

Also, visit Live Inside Out to listen to past Live Inside Out teleclasses or to sign up to receive weekly tips on how to live more intentionally through our Live Inside Out Facebook Community.

The Journey, a blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey to life balance and living life from the inside out, comes out weekly.

Photo courtesy of istockphoto.com.

It Is What It Is

This morning I woke up around 5:00 a.m. with a tight chest and my mind was whirring like a hamster on a wheel.

Late last month, my two amazing support team members both shared they are moving on to new opportunities—which I’m totally supportive of, but it’s still a huge transition. We’re in the middle of organizing 4 upcoming national events (one of them is on an international scale), I am training/hiring new interns and like many businesses, spring is typically our busiest time of year.

Then, my little one came in this morning and said “I can’t go to school mom, I’m sick.”

So I did what all busy entrepreneurs should do when overwhelm comes knocking at their door. I made my husband stay home with our child while I went to yoga. And I practiced being with my breath and accepting “What is.”

Spiritual teacher/author Byron Katie talks about the idea that suffering is optional.

She says suffering, pain, discomfort come from resisting “What is.”

I really resonate with the concept that our thinking—and I believe language—dictate our emotional state. So rather than feeling like I have mountains of work to do, I have the option of being grateful for the opportunity to do what I love, to help others and to have an amazing support network that steps forward time and time again to help out.

Hmm. Can we really change how we feel by changing how we see a situation?

I’m sure I’m going to move in/out of numerous emotional states over the next several weeks, but I’m going to be more vigilant about my thoughts and words. And, of course, keep being gentle with myself.

Resources: Check out my tips on 6 Ways to Tap Into Inner Peace for some ideas on how to anchor during these times of uncertainty. Or learn more about my Spring Self-Renewal Retreat for Women—we only have a few spots left. What an awesome Mother’s Day gift!

Video: While hiking in the Boquillas Canyon on my recent trip to Big Bend National Park with my son and husband, I was mesmerized by this tree branch stuck in the middle of the Rio Grande River, which divides Mexico and the U.S. It immediately made me think about the idea of resisting life, resisting “what is,” and how we can get stuck when we don't go with the flow.

LIVE INSIDE OUT Mother’s Day Celebration May 8-10th
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The Journey, a blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey to life balance and living life from the inside out, comes out weekly. Subscribe here. For more information on Renee’s upcoming events, click here.

Slowing Down

Have you noticed how speeded up we all seem to be lately? Pulling into my gym parking lot this morning, you would have thought they had just announced “the first 20 to enter the front door this morning win a free trip to Europe!”

Why are we in such a hurry? How is it affecting our interactions with one another? With how we parent? Not to mention our physical and emotional well-being (pay attention to your physical sensations when you’re in the “chicken with its head cut off” mode ... usually your stomach, upper back or chest are screaming for you to move to the slow lane). And, it seems to me we’re moving even faster than we were a year ago (or maybe I’m imagining this!). I would attribute some of this to technology and how we now use email, cell phones and PDAs, etc. Most of my career coaching clients site the constant inability to “unplug.”

Twelve years ago I was introduced to a philosophy/approach which advocates Slowing Down. In fact, the coach I was working with who suggested I start to become aware of how how "present" I am in my day-to-day life, told me I would actually be more effective at work if I slowed down! (Check out Slowing Down to the Speed of Life by Richard Carlson/Joseph Bailey to get a taste of the approach I was introduced to : http://www.amazon.com/Slowing-Down-Speed-Life-Peaceful/dp/0062514547.) At the time, I thought she was crazy.


Thank God (and the coach who helped me shift to begin balancing“being” with “doing”), that has changed. I have now developed an aversion, an actual distaste for living and working at breakneck speed. Sure I do it sometimes, but my body starts setting off very loud alarms that it goes against my natural rhythms and innate health.

What is the speed at which you’re living? Are you pummeling through life in a race car, moving along in a steady Chevrolet, zipping around on a Vespa, soaking up your surroundings on a horse and buggy or maybe you’re on foot? Is the speed at which you’re living your life working for you? How do you feel when you wake up each morning? When you go to bed at night? I’d love to hear your thoughts on this.

There has been a lot of press about adopting a Slow Food movement. I like it. But first, maybe we all need to start supporting a Slow Life movement. What do you think?