Serving Up Self-Compassion

 

Yesterday I felt like I was swimming through mud.

I was feeling judgmental and self-critical and everywhere I turned, all I could see were barriers and road blocks.

During my morning meditation (the one thing that usually always cleans my "lens"), the negative thoughts kept coming, dancing across my radar like annoying contestants from The Price is Right.  It seemed relief was nowhere in sight!

My saving grace? I knew my thinking was off. At the same time that I was stewing in "not good enough" chowder, there was a level of discernment happening--thanks in large part to a presence coach I began working with almost 17 years ago that introduced me to the principles author/therapist Richard Carlson taught relating to thought and mood.

Even though I was having a hard time pulling myself out of this funk, I knew I was responsible for feeling yucky. I was the originator of these negative thoughts. These pesky, multiplying “tribbles” (remember these on Star Trek?) were having a field day at my expense. And yes, the quickest way to change my mood was to change my thinking, but yesterday morning, this task looked as daunting as climbing Mount Everest.

So I acknowledged where I was. I stopped trying to change things. And, I stepped back and looked at the big picture (I had been woken up at 3:00 a.m. by my husband's snoring, I was swamped at work and I was getting over a cold). I gave myself a break and reached out and asked for some support. I kept my expectations low around my work output.  I tried to laugh at myself (“You’ve got to be kidding ….you think I’m going to believe THAT?!). And I drank a tall glass of self-compassion as I sat with the  reminder that this too shall pass.Tomorrow is a new day.

A part of me--what I call our "Wise Self"--knew that this state of insanity was temporary, like clouds passing overhead. I am not my negative thoughts.I was just entertaining these unwanted house guests.

We're all guaranteed of one thing--the thoughts (good, bad and ugly)-- will keep coming. As long as we're human, we'll keep experiencing both high and low moods. And occasionally, when we're lucky, we'll get to watch our naysayer thoughts float on down the river while we wave from the banks. Or we can wrap ourselves in a big soft blanket of self-compassion and tenderness when instead, we're on the raft clinging tightly to them.
 
INVITE: Interested in learning how to cultivate self-compassion and be more accepting of where you are right now? Join me Oct. 19-21 for our New Way of Being: Women's Self-Renewal Retreat at the beautiful Kripalu Center for Yoga and Wellness.

I love to hear from, connect with and meet The Journey readers at our events. I invite you to:

• Find Your Tribe: Join or learn to facilitate Personal Renewal Groups for women
• Attend a retreat/event this fall or spring
• Learn about Live Inside Out and receive weekly inspiration on our Live Inside Out Facebook Community
• Pick up my life balance title The Mother's Guide to Self-Renewal from the library or buy it here or at your local bookstore
• Read past issues of my Life Balance newsletter or Career Management newsletter
• Take Action: Contact one of our career or life balance coaches for 1-on-1 support; receive an initial complimentary consultation
• Empower Others: Schedule Renee for a private workshop or retreat for your company or organization

Subscribe to The Journey, a weekly blog about coach/author/speaker Renee Trudeau’s personal journey to creating balance from the inside out.

Photo at top: One of our Self-Renewal Retreat attendees creating a piece of self-compassion heart art.

What Does Self-Care Mean to You? (...and our winner!)

We received more than 300 entries into the Year-of-Self-Care Retreat Giveaway and as I sat reading these moving, inspiring, wise, sometimes funny and very real

shares--in response to "What Does Self-Care Mean to Me?"-- what touched me deeply were the reoccurring messages of self-forgiveness, releasing guilt and believing I

deserve self-care, learning to cultivate self-compassion, breathing and listening to my body, remembering to laugh and find joy in everyday life, expressing and connecting with my authentic self, being fully "me" (not who others want me to be) and how powerful it is to get a good night's sleep!

I've been teaching, studying and practicing the art of self-care--which I define as attuning and responding to your deepest needs and desires--for 12 years and all I can say is it's a journey that doesn't end--it definitely keeps deepening, widening and expanding. And today, I really see self-care as a spiritual practice. Learning to cultivate self-acceptance, self-compassion and responding to what I need--moment to moment--has had a profound effect on every area of my life.

The winner! So, Sunday a.m. after my son brought me breakfast in bed, he drew a name at random from the entries. And ....Nora got the call with the good news that SHE WON the $2700 retreat package! (It took us a while to track her down--she's in the middle of finishing her dissertation!)

Nora and I connected on Monday and she shared that she and her husband Doug (married 20 years) have two special needs kids Kiernan, 13, and Ripley, 10. They live in Minneapolis, Minnesota.

                                         Nora building a fire on Lake Superior with her boys.
                                        
Nora shared, “When I read Renee's e-newsletter on the giveaway, the self-care message was so timely for where I was at that week. I entered the contest because it made me reflect on self-care and what I really needed. I found Renee's life balance site/newsletter a couple years ago; last year I participated in a Personal Renewal Group with Sarina LaMarche. It's been so incredibly supportive that I decided to take the class again this year. The best thing about winning this prize is the chance to take a break (more than a couple hours), and spend time reflecting on where I need to go this next year to do a better job of self-care and what lessons I've learned that I can share with others in my life. I'm also very excited to get together with other women -- I believe there's a synergy that happens when we come together intentionally. I can't remember the last time I went away for a weekend just for me, not for work or with the family. This is really an incredible gift!”

Here are a few highlights from the entries we received on The Journey, through our Live Inside Out Community and through our self-care book giveaway program (thanks to

all our partners!) in response to the question: What does self-care mean to you? I encourage you to read them all!

• Tania--tuning into the voice in my heart--and responding.
• Pat--connecting with my inner self on hearing how best to love myself in the moment.
• Allison--believing I'm worthy of self-care.
• Bluefeather--understanding that it's not about spending money, but about taking even 30 seconds at the beginning of the day to check in around what I most need that day.
• Jodi--I know I'm embracing self-care when I  can laugh instead of snap at my well-meaning husband and be happy--instead of overwhelmed--by my wacky house.
• Aidan's mom--taking time to invest in my marriage--as it is such a source of nurturing for me.
• Claire--being near and playing in water deeply nourishes me.
• Leila-listening to my body when it begs for exercise rather than my mind who is saying "deadlines, deadlines!"
• AnnieB--treating myself the way I am teaching my children to treat others; this is often challenging to do.
• Tammy G--forgiving myself for not getting everything done on my list because my son had a list of his own that didn't include laundry and errands.
• Kerry--sometimes self-care looks like slowing down enough to rescue wayward worms from the storm puddles in the morning.
• Ida Kim--asking "what do I need?" and honoring and keeping the appointments I make with my sweet self.
• Michelle--treating myself like I would a cherished best friend.
• Jennifer--saying, "No," when I need to, and reserving my "Yes" for what's most important to me.
• Haley--allowing myself to live an authentic life and to follow my passions without guilt.
• JennGator--remembering that what's most important--and what feeds me--is not putting away laundry or unloading the dishwasher, but expressing love to my daughter.

Thanks to all of you for participating in this community event (and huge thanks to the good folks at Kripalu for donating the retreat!). I hope that being challenged to answer, "What does self-care mean to me?" caused you to pause and even
for a moment--reflect on how you treat, care for and talk to yourself.

Interested in learning more about The Transformative Power of Self-Care? Here's a free chapter from my book on this theme and some great free life balance teleclasses to
jump start your self-care journey. Let us know how we can support you in tapping into this powerful teaching!

P.S. Never been on a retreat, but always wanted to? For 20 years, I have taken retreats and led retreats because I find that periodically stepping away from my life, gives me
the perspective I need to remember what matters most and reconnect with my true self. (And of course, I also love the deep nourishment and relaxation that come
from a weekend totally devoted to my needs and desires!). There's still room in my June 22-24 New Way of Being: Women's Self-Renewal Retreat if you want to join us at the beautiful Kripalu Center for Yoga & Wellness in MA! We'd love to have you continue this conversation with us in our upcoming women's circle.


I love to hear from, connect with and meet The Journey readers at our events. I invite you to:

• Find Your Tribe: Join or learn to facilitate Personal Renewal Groups for women
• Attend a retreat/event including my June 8th Empowered Entrepreneur and June 22-24 Kripalu retreat;check out all upcoming events
• Learn about Live Inside Out and receive weekly inspiration on our Live Inside Out Facebook Community
• Pick up my life balance title The Mother's Guide to Self-Renewal from the library or buy it here or at your local bookstore
• Read past issues of my Life Balance newsletter or Career Management newsletter
• Take Action: Contact one of our career or life balance coaches for 1-on-1 support; receive an initial complimentary consultation
• Empower Others: Schedule Renee for a private workshop or retreat for your company or organization
• I Choose Love PSA: a reminder that when we come from love--one of the most powerful yet underutilized forces on the planet--we have the ability to transcend fear and remember what we're really hear to do: give and receive love. Learn more

Subscribe to The Journey, a weekly blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey to creating balance from the inside out.

Photo at top: My sweet ten-year-old son holding the winner's name with great care. "Mama, she'll be soooo excited!!" 

I Choose Love

Twelve years ago, right before I got married, I vividly remember living in an apartment in central Austin with my husband-to-be and reading Return to Love by Marianne Williamson.

The book’s messages changed my life. The core theme that I think about everyday is there are only ever two choices in life: love or fear.

Everything we do is either motivated by love--which allows us to trust in the flow of life and expect good to come to us--or fear, which causes us to doubt, constrict and cut ourselves off from others. (Think about it—all expansive feelings are born from love and the scared or worried feelings can always be traced back to fear.)

I choose love.

I want to relax into the flow of life. I want to be open and receptive to those I come in contact with. I want to trust that “the Universe is conspiring in my favor,” and that the days and months ahead will be filled with many good things to come. I want to always feel like there is more than enough for everyone in every situation. I want to always remember that the more I love myself, the more I am able to love and have compassion for those around me. I want to have a soft and open heart.

Don’t you?

I attended a women's appreciation dinner tonight and each of us shared a favorite love poem. I explored bringing a favorite passage from Mary Oliver, Hafiz, Rumi, David Whyte and others, but I kept getting pulled back to the following famous passage from Marianne Williamson (below).

My dad gave this poem to me right before he died suddenly from a heart attack in 1996. I think his final words of wisdom were quite appropos and as I continue to expand into more self-love and self-acceptance daily, I hope I am able to inspire others to do the same. Happy Valentines Day--let your light shine.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond
measure.

It is our light, not our darkness, that most
frightens us.

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous,
talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world. There is
nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people
won't feel insecure about you.

We are all meant to shine, as children do.

We were born to manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give
other people permission to do the same. As we are
liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically
liberates others.

Marianne Williamson

Photo: This 11x17 reminder is taped squarely on the front of our refrigerator. It helps me remember in some of my hardest moments--often parenting--that I choose love.

I love to hear from, connect with and meet The Journey readers at our events. I invite you to:

>Find Your Tribe: Join or become trained to lead Self- Renewal Groups
>Attend a retreat/event including our 3/4 Lost Pines Retreat coming up soon!
>Join the Dialogue on our Live Inside Out Facebook Community; stop by and win a free Valentines Day Retreat package this week.
>Pick up The Mother's Guide to Self-Renewal from the library or buy it here
>Download FREE Live Inside Out Teleclasses and read my February Life Balance newsletter
>Take Action: Contact one of our career or life balance coaches for 1-on-1 support; receive an initial complimentary consultation
>Empower Others: Schedule Renee Trudeau for a private workshop or retreat for your company or organization
>Subscribe to my life balance blog The Journey for weekly inspiration

The Journey, a blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey and living life from the inside out, comes out weekly.

I Love My Body

I celebrated my 45th birthday over this past weekend. But I didn’t feel social (unusual for me).

I just felt a strong pull to nest, rest and reflect—read more—so much so that I cancelled my long-anticipated workshop with Shiva Rea and instead spent a good part of Sunday alone enjoying a massage, a hot aromatherapy bath and a long rest.

When I awoke I was overcome with gratitude for my sweet 45-year old body and was inspired to write a letter to my dear old friend.


Dear 45-year old body:

I love you. I really do. I’m sorry it has taken me so long to arrive here, but regardless, I have!

I appreciate you in so many ways.

-I love you radiant face that gets more interesting and playful the older you get (and fascinating neck--it seems as if you're developing a personality of your own!).
-I love you sweet soft belly just the way you are. And, I’m amazed by your ability to grow a child that is now almost up to my chin!
-I love you open, inviting and accepting smile (and thank you teeth for staying so cavity-free!).
-I adore you bright blue green eyes that are filled with a mixture of insight, depth and curiosity.
-I love you full sweet, strong upper arms that give great hugs, will never be willowy and were inherited from Grandma Harrison (so I’m told).
-I love you constantly changing, ever-evolving torso that has shifted through stages including: strong and sexy, pudgy and pouty, feminine and flirty, tired and disconnected and fluid and fabulous!
-I love you hands (Nonnie’s hands) and the way you have supported me in writing, painting, expressing myself musically, cooking and serving others.
-I love you strong, sexy legs and flexible hips that can move, balance and support me in dancing and doing yoga for hours.
-I love you rapidly changing, looks-different-every-day skin—in all of your various stages, colors, creases, patterns, spots and spring to summer styles and looks (I promise I’ll start wearing sun screen more often to protect you!).
-I love you amazing feet—hail to the feet! You’ve carried me for thousands of miles from Big Sur to Egypt, from Oaxaca to Ephesus and around Lady Bird Lake twice a week for the last twenty years.
-I love you sweet, healthy breasts that have helped me embrace my femininity and have brought me from maiden to motherhood to middle age (oh the stories you hold!).
-I love you sometimes cranky, but always lovable knees--especially the small crinkles that are just starting to crash the party and how they suddenly make their entrance when I do a downward dog.

Sweet body, I so appreciate how you house my soul and allow me to live fully, laugh often, embrace pleasure, express love to those around me and enjoy motherhood, marriage, traveling, dancing, hiking and wrestling with my 8 year old.

I am so grateful for your vibrancy, energy and overall health. I promise to continue to listen and respond to your needs and desires in the coming years. And above all, I will do my best to love you through all the changes and evolutions that are yet to come.

Much love and deep gratitude—your best friend, Renee

FIND YOUR TRIBE, ATTEND A RETREAT/WORKSHOP OR JOIN THE DIALOGUE: Would you like support for learning to love and accept yourself and begin to attune to your needs and desires? Join or become trained to facilitate a Personal Renewal Group, or visit our calendar to learn more about our upcoming January career workshops, retreats and events (including our free 1/20 teleclass).

We love to hear from you. Please visit and join our Live Inside Out community to read how people are living more intentionally and share how you do the same.

The Journey, a blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey and living life from the inside out, comes out weekly.

Photo: Me and my shadow at Pedernales State Park, December 2010.

Nourishment

The morning after Christmas Day, my husband, son and I felt a little sluggish. We needed some fuel.

So after visiting with out-of-town guests, we did some yoga at home, hit the greenbelt for a long hike and then went to a family Kirtan at the Amala Foundation (thanks Austin Big Heart Yoga and friends for organizing—we loved it!). And at the end of the day, we felt good. And nourished.

Last night, my husband and I were sitting in front of the fire remembering not-so-distant holidays where overindulgence, overspending, overeating, oversleeping and other not-so-healthy patterns were the norm. There’s nothing wrong with indulging every once in a while, but invariably these slugfest sprees were followed by periods of remorse, guilt and often low moods.

As a writer/teacher who is fascinated by how we create more harmony and balance in our lives, I know it’s natural to regularly swing in and out of equilibrium. But what I’m noticing more often is that when I’m really in tune with my needs on a *deeper* level—when I’m focused on what will nourish me physically, emotionally and spiritually—I have less of a desire to over-indulge. And the magnetic pull towards things that will elevate my mood and overall well-being is much stronger.

The New World Dictionary says, to nourish means to feed or sustain with substances that promote life and growth.

As my son gets older and we are beginning to look at how we want to allocate our resources (money/time/energy), I’ve been thinking a lot lately about my parents and how they “fed” my siblings and me.

I don’t know how they did it (other than forgo expensive vacations and a lot of “stuff”) but growing up, all seven of us attended Montessori school, took a wide variety of music lessons, participated in art/painting/pottery classes and were given “carte blanche” when it came to purchasing books or making weekly trips to the library.

Even though my parents taught me very little about self-care or how to enhance my emotional well-being, they provided us nourishment through feeding us creative, mind-opening educations, providing us with constant exposure to the arts/culture and offering many opportunities for creative expression and intellectual stimulation (something I’ve only recently begun to fully appreciate).

I think how we choose to nourish ourselves, our families and those close to us, says a lot about our relationship to ourselves and what we value most. My personal experience has been that the kinder, more loving and more accepting I am of myself, the more nutrient-rich my “diet” becomes.

I wonder how my son will describe how we “fed” him years from now? I can only hope it was a balanced diet and that we taught him to seek out what he truly needs. With the occasional side of french fries every now and again.

FIND YOUR TRIBE, ATTEND A RETREAT/WORKSHOP OR JOIN THE DIALOGUE: Would you like support for identifying what truly nourishes you and how you can begin to attune to your needs and desires? Join or become trained to facilitate a Personal Renewal Group, or visit our calendar to learn more about our upcoming January retreats, workshops and events.

We love to hear from you. Please visit and join our Live Inside Out community to read how people are living more intentionally and share how you do the same.

The Journey, a blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey and living life from the inside out, comes out weekly.

Photo: Tamari-glazed green beans with toasted almonds, crispy tofu and brown rice: our lunch today and one of our family's favorite nurturing and nourishing meals.

Exquisite Self-Care

Last night we had some friends over for dinner and I ate something that I’ve been off of for about six weeks. And, it made me feel like crap. My husband would say—since my dairy and wheat intolerances manifest as emotional disequilibrium---I acted like crap, too!

This morning I woke up really thinking about the concept of exquisite self care. Not plain, vanilla, just doing the basics to feel good self-care (although this is essential). But really discerning, attuning and responding to my deepest needs and desires. Treating myself with the utmost care, love and tenderness.

For me this week, this would look like:

-abstaining from wheat and dairy and making sure my diet is diverse, nutrient/energy rich, delicious and I stay very hydrated

-attending my good friend’s Daring Divas dance class and connecting with the women in this vibrant community---no matter how busy my schedule looks

-appreciating and supporting my partner and taking time to be present with him/his challenges (this always comes back to me a hundred fold!)

-going to bed NO MATTER WHAT by 9:30 p.m. on the weeknights (after 44 years, I’ve finally figured out my very best sleep happens before midnight)

-getting outside to enjoy the amazing 71 degree weather at the park with my son, even though I’ve got mounds of work at the office (no worries, the important stuff always gets done)

-paying attention to my personal rhythms, ebbs and flows—trusting that I will be guided to know how/when/where to best take action at work and at home

-returning the expensive, but uncomfortable sheets I bought this past summer that don’t support me in having optimal sleep (I know, Princess and the Pea, but sleep is really key for me!)

My husband and son are going on a camping trip this weekend. Pause. I think I hear some whoops from the parents who know how delicious and rare it is to have time alone in your house when your beloved family is away!

In the past, my usual MO would have been to rush into planning mode—filling all my waking hours with lunches, walks, get-togethers and non-stop social activities with friends. But today, I’m really challenging myself to slow down. To go inward and ask, “What would exquisite self-care look and feel like this weekend?” And who knows what the response will be.

It might look like cleaning out my garage, sitting for a couple of hours and coloring mandalas, blasting some blues and dancing in my living room, going on a vigorous walk/run or sitting on my back porch swing soaking up the decadence of unscheduled time. I have no idea.

But, I do plan on choosing how I spend this time very intentionally. Really reveling in this concept of what exquisite self-care might look and feel like to me.

I’ve learned that not only is self-care crucial to our well-being, to our sustenance, to feeling “alive”—more and more, it’s become my spiritual practice.

Because I find that when I listen and respond to the whispers in my heart about what I most need to love, nurture and nourish my physical and emotional well-being, I feel more connected to my Source, to God. Often, if I listen closely, it’s as if I can hear an invisible voice cheering me on, saying, “Yes, this is how you’re supposed to live--how you were intended to live. You are worthy and deserving of this level of care. And, when you honor and love yourself, you honor and love me, your Source.”

And I believe that sense of interconnectedness is what most of us live for. I know it is for me.

FIND YOUR TRIBE, ATTEND A RETREAT/WORKSHOP OR JOIN THE DIALOGUE: Would you like to experience connection and community and receive support from like-minded women? Join or become trained to facilitate a Personal Renewal Group, visit our calendar to learn more about upcoming events including our November 5th One-Day Reflect, Reclaim, Re-Balance Women's One-Day Self-Renewal Retreat and our FREE October 14th Live Inside Out teleclass on Being More Present and Remembering What Matters.

Also, check out our Live Inside Out community and read how people are living more intentionally.

The Journey, a blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey to life balance and living life from the inside out, comes out weekly.

Photo: A desert flower in an oasis in Big Bend National Park, one of the places my soul gets nourished.

Begin Anew

Yesterday (March 20th), marked the March equinox—a time when the sun shines directly on the equator and the length of day and night are nearly equal in all parts of the world.

It’s a time when light and dark come into balance. And while the dance of equilibrium and disequilibrium happens constantly in our lives and all around us, there is something special, almost mysterious about the equinox and its significance.

In Texas right now, we’re witnessing incredible growth in the natural world.

And as we watch all of this external expansion--small buds straining to come to full bloom and trees stretching and shooting bright green leaves--it makes me think about how many of us in this very moment are striving for internal balance and spiritual growth.(Read some of the recent comments on our Live Inside Out FB Community from amazing women who shared their stories last week around why they need a retreat.)

For many cultures, the March equinox represents an opportunity for re-birth. For me, it’s a reminder that every day is a new opportunity to start over.

To let the argument, sharp words, miscommunication, rushed encounter, lost moment or bad mood simply go. Poof!!

And to realize what a gift it is to be able to choose to begin each day with a fresh, more compassionate, kinder and loving approach to our relationships with ourselves, with our partner or kids, work, marriage, business partnerships, clients, etc.

I just got back from being out for a week on an amazing trip to Philadelphia with my 8-year old son. We visited my youngest brother who is in graduate school there.

When I've been gone for a while and work and family/home obligations have stacked up and are awaiting my attention, it’s so easy to see all the things that need to be done, have not been done or were done differently than I would have liked.

And so, today, I begin anew. With gratitude for the ability to choose how I see my world, how I respond to my environment and how much or little love I choose to give and receive in my life. Thank God for the gift of being able--at any time-- to start over. Halleluiah!

My father, a compassionate physician who cared deeply about those less fortunate, died suddenly in 1996 from a heart attack at age 55. He loved The Prayer of St. Francis (he used to sing it so loud in church, my siblings and I would crawl under the pews in utter embarrassment).

I heard a beautiful version of this sung today. Regardless of your spiritual path, I believe it's a powerful reminder for all of us to pause and ask, “How can I bring more compassion, more love and more understanding to the people I encounter in my every day life?" Especially timely right now.

The Prayer of St. Francis

Lord, make me an instrument of Your peace.
Where there is hatred let me sow love,
Where there is injury let me sow pardon,
Where there is doubt let me sow faith,
Where there is despair let me give hope,
Where there is darkness let me give light,
Where there is sadness let me give joy.

Allow me to console, rather than to be consoled,
To understand, rather than to be understood,
To love, rather than be loved,
Because, it is in giving that we receive,
Because, it is in forgiving, that we are forgiven,
It is in dying, that we are born to eternal life.

JOIN US FOR A RETREAT: Interested in gaining clarity and focus on what's next for you? We have a few spots left for our 3/26 Refresh & Renew Mini Self-Care Retreat and our April 23-25 Refresh, Reclaim, Re-Balance: Women's Self-Renewal Retreat at The Crossings Spa & Resort in Austin, TX, but sign up today.

Also, visit Live Inside Out to register for our March 23rd FREE teleclass from 7:30-8:30 p.m. CST on Owning Your Personal Power. And sign up to receive weekly tips on how to live more intentionally through our Live Inside Out Facebook Community.

The Journey, a blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey to life balance and living life from the inside out, comes out weekly.

Photo: Lotus flower--a symbol of light, life and re-birth.