Fear

In my mind, when you’re diving into something new or big, there are two kinds of fear that can come up. There’s the “uh-oh” feeling in your gut …. I’m not sure if this is the right direction for me and there’s the I am so scared, but so excited …but so scared, but so excited kind of fear.

I’m about to release my first published book and I go in and out the second kind of fear almost daily.

It’s a good fear … the kind that inspired Susan Jeffers to write her book “Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway.” The kind that makes us feel alive (often nauseous, but alive!).

I remember years ago reading an article that profiled people from all stages of life who had manifested their dream. The interviewer wanted to know “weren’t you afraid .. you’d never written a book/started a company/sung in front of an audience/worked for yourself before?” One woman who started a company at the ripe age of 22 said “Hell, yes, I was terrified. But I did it in spite of my fear.”

I’ll be forty-one in January and I’m working with a team of six friends and momtrepreneurs in Austin, TX to birth a book that has been in the works since 2003 (http://www.reneetrudeau.com/).

My husband says it’s like being in labor at 2 centimeters dilated –for five months. And he’s not just talking about me. This project has been taxing on our relationship, as you can imagine. (More on this dynamic later.)

I run a successful career coaching business in Austin, Texas that’s been around for six years and I have a four-year old son. This book project has a large, national scope and we plan to start a mother’s movement across the U.S. to help moms like us redefine how they live, reconnect with who they are and create balance from “the inside out.” (I’ll share more later on what the heck this all means.) Yeah, ambitious. But more than 300 of us in Austin have been working together on these topics via The Personal Renewal Group—which the book came out of—and it’s been life changing, to say the least.

A question I get from clients, friends at my son’s preschool and people I meet who learn about the book project and who know how committed I am to experiencing balance—and life—on my terms is: “So, Renee, you must not be feeling very balanced right now with all that’s on your plate?” (Some say this with a snicker and a smile since they know my book is about life balance.)

Obviously, I’ve been experiencing a lot of stress. I’ve never worked harder in my life. And, have had days where I wonder why I’m doing this. And even other days, when I think I want my old life back.

But this project is also feeding me on many levels—emotionally, mentally and spiritually.

So this blog is about balance: how we (me and the other six team members who you’ll hear from later) move and in and out of it, how we experience it individually and what it means to us—as women and moms with young kids who probably want many of the same things you do in life. (I’ll introduce you to this team of fascinating, passionate women very soon.)

And along the way, we’ll share highlights about our journey to bring this book and its messages to women across the country. (We’re headed to New York in January to meet with national magazine editors—that should be an adventure!)

As I sit in front of my fireplace writing on this overcast Saturday morning, I can hear my little guy and my husband upstairs wrestling. It sounds like they’re having too much fun—I don’t want to miss this.

More later. I think I like this blog thing. It really feels cleansing to share your thoughts.
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Note: Information about Renee’s career coaching business: http://www.careerstrategists.net/ and Renee’s book—The Mother’s Guide to Self-Renewal—which comes out in May 2007: http://www.reneetrudeau.com/.