What Would She Think?

Today is the anniversary of my mom’s passing nine years ago. She came down with the flu on March 29th, 2000 and quickly without warning or anyone knowing, went into congestive heart failure twenty-four hours later and was gone. She was 59.

She never got to meet my son, now seven, and never got to see my coaching business bloom or my calling to start women’s groups and then write a book focused around self-renewal.

Last night, I had the opportunity to have a conversation with several dear women who have been involved for the last five years, with my work around the Personal Renewal Groups.

We talked about how huge the societal implications are for the work we’re doing with the self renewal circles for women—helping them to feel more aligned with who they are, more peaceful/fulfilled and more in touch with their needs/desires through the practice of self-care.

And the potential that this social change vehicle might have on generations to come.

My mom never received the gift of self-care. She--like many women—was very hard on herself. Even though she had accomplished a lot professionally, had seven beautiful children, was a gifted musician, artist and healthcare provider—she never felt she was good enough. Or deserving enough, or worthy enough.

No matter how many times I challenged her to pause and take in all the wonderful things she had created or been given in her life—it was impossible for her to see this.

So I came to the gift of self-care by necessity. It wasn’t modeled or taught to me, but I saw first-hand what happens when you’re not kind to yourself and are continually critical and self-judgmental of everything you do.

I believe we’re all one another’s teachers. And, I am so grateful to my mom for all the gifts she did give me—a passion for creativity, music, culture, food and a strong belief in the importance of service and compassion. And for the gift of self-care.

I wonder what she would think about the work I’m doing now. I wonder.

P.S. Interested in learning more about how the power of self-care can change your life? Consider starting/joining a Personal Renewal Group in your community? Hundreds of groups are meeting around the US/Canada and Europe for moms/women at all life stages and more are starting each week. I also invite you to slow down and take time to really nurture yourself at my upcoming Spring Self-Renewal Retreat at The Crossings, April 24-26.

The Journey, a blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey to life balance, comes out weekly. Subscribe here. For more information on Renee’s upcoming events, click here.



Photo: My mom with two of my younger brothers when we lived in the Sierra Nevada Mountains in CA (yes in the 70's--can't you tell?).

Time

My family and I just returned from a fabulous trip to the Big Bend National Park area.

This remote 800,000 acre national park is one of the most diverse and unusual—mountains/desert/river all in one area—and one of the least visited. You are literally “out there” on the border of Texas/Mexico. The area is very sparsely populated and it can take hours just to drive from one hiking trail or hot spring to another.

I love Big Bend because it’s very quiet (we could hear a hawk’s wings thunderously flapping as he flew through the still, monstrous Santa Elena Canyon). And at night, very dark (it’s recorded one of the darkest spots in the US). And, the few people who actually choose to live in this wild natural setting, are wonderfully eccentric.

I also love going out to Big Bend because the experience caused me to question time: how I do it, how I experience it and how self-imposed our ideas about time actually are.

I remember years ago a photography teacher stopped me dead in my tracks after I apologized for not being able to come in early for an evening printmaking session, due to my work schedule. He challenged me by saying it was my choice. I thought he was just trying to be a jerk and then it hit me—oh yeah, I do choose how to spend my time. Every minute of it and how fast or slow I choose to go.

We slowed way down during our trip. You had to (heck, it took an hour just to drive to pick up a six pack of Tecate). And I loved the pace.

During the trip, I was flooded with creative ideas, deeply symbolic dreams, inspirations about my work and was able to have some seismic shifts about how I see things ...because I was so slowed down. (Creativity experts write extensively about how when we move into the more playful/free flowing hemisphere of our brain, we are able to access our best ideas and solutions.)

Even though many would consider my current lifestyle and work pace to be steady—but not crazy—I’m realizing it’s still too fast for me.

So as I return to work and to the fullest time of year for my businesses (due to events, speaking gigs, retreats, Mother’s Day partnerships, etc.), I’m going to challenge how I “do” time.

When I start feeling that “I have so much to do, I’m never going to get it all done” springtime rush that comes when I look at piles of emails, requests for help, phone calls and to-do lists, I’m going to pause.

Maybe it can wait until tomorrow or next month? Maybe I can ask for help? Maybe this activity is really not the best use of my time? Or maybe, if I don’t do it all, it won’t make a bit of difference. Other than, I’ll be left calmer, happier and feeling more akin to the tortoise than the hare.

P.S. Interested in gathering monthly with other women who are interested in slowing down and living life from the “inside out?” Consider starting/joining a Personal Renewal Group in your community? Hundreds of groups are meeting around the US/Canada and Europe for moms/women at all life stages and more are starting each week. I also invite you to slow down and take time to really nurture yourself at my upcoming Spring Self-Renewal Retreat at The Crossings, April 24-26.

The Journey, a blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey to life balance, comes out weekly. Subscribe here. For more information on Renee’s upcoming events, click here.

Photos: Santa Elena Canyon and sun setting over the Christmas mountains, Renee Trudeau.

Unexpected Gifts

In 2002, the year my son was born, I felt a soft but persistent tapping on my shoulder to start a free, community support group to help mothers (most of all me) focus on self-care.

My plate was full with a six-month old and a relatively new business, but the feeling and pull was so strong, I felt I had no choice but to say “Yes.”

I facilitated these coaching groups for five years and the opportunity to sit deeply with a circle of women once a month and focus on reconnecting with who we are and nurturing our emotional well-being, changed my life more than any single thing I have ever done. (My book—which the groups are based on and which came out last year--was born organically from the experience.)

This past Friday, my little guy turned seven and I stand in amazement as I realize what a series of life-changing gifts he has given me. (The chapter in my book on Motherhood as a Spiritual Journey explores this topic deeply.)

Besides the gift of self-care (which has been HUGE), how could I have ever guessed that such deeply fulfilling, meaningful work—speaking, writing, coaching/training around the topic of life balance/self-renewal—would come directly from the experience of being his parent?

Life is weird.

Often my career coaching clients will feel overwhelmed with questions around life purpose. As I get older, I believe more and more that our job is to listen quietly for opportunities to say “Yes,” and from these often courageous leaps, comes our life’s work. (If you’re feeling stuck around your career, check out my suggestions for gaining clarity and focus for some support.)

Maybe there’s something in your life that deserves a “Yes?”

P.S. Interested in learning more about how you can start/join a Personal Renewal Group in your community? Hundreds of groups are meeting around the US/Canada and Europe for moms/women at all life stages and more are starting each week. I also invite you to consider joining other like-minded women interested in learning about the Power of Self Care at my upcoming Spring Self-Renewal Retreat at The Crossings, April 24-26.

The Journey, a blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey to life balance, comes out weekly. Subscribe here. For more information on Renee’s upcoming events, click here.

Just for Fun?!

I grew up in an overachiever family.

And, as the oldest of seven kids, it was not easy to refuse the Kool-Aid.

As my husband, son and I were out bike riding around the beautiful lake in the center of our city Saturday morning, we stumbled across a national rowing competition out on the waters, adjacent to the hike and bike trail.

High school and college kids from around the US were clumped in camps up and down the lakeside, surrounded by their long skinny boats. And, they looked like they were having a blast.

It brought up memories for me of trying and then abandoning many sports and activities—ballet, tennis, violin, singing-- that I deemed I wasn’t superior at, so I figured “Why try? Stick to what you really excel at.” (One of my younger brothers played the violin for a quite a while. He started at age four. It seemed when the pressure to excel and become the next Itzhak Perlman kept increasing, he decided to drop it his freshman year in high school. I wonder at what point it stopped becoming fun for him?)

While very American, the problem with this “if you’re going to play, you need to be the best” philosophy is that you miss out on a lot of things that you might actually want to do just for fun. Just for the pure joy of the activity—regardless of your ability. (Check out the chapter from The Mother’s Guide to Self-Renewal on Good is Good Enough, for some support on releasing overachiever tendencies.)

As I watched the kids compete, I thought how much I want to impart this mindset to my son.

The idea that there are many cool things you’ll want to try in life that you might actually suck at, but that can bring you a lot of pure enjoyment, regardless of whether or not you “score.” (How many times do you hear parents tell their high school athletes, “Looks like you were really having fun out there on the football field! Touchdown, smuchdown, just enjoy this great weather and the opportunity to be with your teammates.)

I recently completed an 8-week Intuitive Painting class that challenged us to paint without a goal in mind. Paint what you feel, in the moment. Don’t try to be good, or make your painting look pretty. Just enjoy the diversity and vibrancy of the colors, the brushstrokes, how the images make you feel, how much fun it is do something with no desired outcome (!).

Fascinating. Truly liberating. (You can google intuitive painting to find classes in your area.)

PS If you’re a woman and interested in being in community with other women who want to try new things just for fun, are interested in experiencing more meaning and joy and who like to practice “good is good enough,” consider joining one of the hundreds of Personal Renewal Groups around the world. I’ll also be providing a “soft place to fall” at my upcoming Spring Self-Renewal Retreat April 24-26 at The Crossings. Check it out.

What Grounds You?

I just returned from a wonderful Intuitive Arts weekend retreat led by my fabulous colleague Diana Amorde. I came home feeling so much passion/clarity and focus around my work and life. I couldn’t wait to dive back in and start implementing some new ideas for our national Personal Renewal Group program.

Then Monday hit. And as I moved into an overscheduled week, navigating technology challenges, coordinating staff and intern responsibilities, working on my kid’s summer camp registration deadlines, juggling clients, media and meetings and fighting off feelings of collective overwhelm, the question surfaced “So Renee, what are you going to do to stay grounded this week?”

Regardless of what our days look like I think ALL of us are finding it increasingly easy—especially right now--to get swept up in the collective chaos (and yes, fear) that pervades our American culture these days.

And we’re being challenged to be extra mindful about separating what we’re feeling from what others are feeling.

A recent survey on attitudes towards the current economic crisis reported that 75% of all American felt stress/worry around the current economy, yet 75% also reported that personally, they were doing fine financially! Read my tips for navigating these times.

So this morning, I refused to get swept up in the wave that apparently 75% of Americans are riding and I paused to remind myself of what helps me to stay grounded, including:

*Starting every day with meditation/stillness and making this a priority no matter how busy I am or how much my son needs me to help him re-organize his Pokemon cards
*Making my self-care a priority, especially getting enough sleep, eating well and staying hydrated and claiming time for self-renewal (check out my upcoming April Spring Self-Renewal Retreat if you’re really ready to explore self-care!)
*Spending time in nature (this morning I walked around a beautiful lake in downtown Austin—nothing calms me like being in nature)
*Being very judicious about who I spend my time around (being particularly choosy about which friends and business partners I align with)
*Under-scheduling: as a “helper,” I have such a tendency to overschedule in my desire to lend a hand. My husband is great about heading this off at the pass and often suggesting we move things around to create more space and downtime in the evenings and on the weekends (thank goodness!)
*When in doubt, be kind. When I find myself feeling stressed out, I always think there are thousands that are dealing with heavier loads than mine. Kindness—towards ourselves and others-- goes a long way.
*Scheduling time for play! My husband just lined up a sitter for us to go to a free concert and hear some music this weekend.

What do you do to stay grounded? Do you have specific rituals or “mantras” you use to keep you anchored in the here and now? Do you recognize the point just before overwhelm and hit the pause button? How do you manage stress?

Photo: The view off my back porch at my weekend reteat at Canyon of the Eagles on Lake Buchannan.

WIN A FREE BOOK! Share your ideas with all of us and we’ll draw a name to receive a copy of my new book The Mother’s Guide to Self-Renewal: How to Reclaim, Rejuvenate and Re-Balance Your Life for you to enjoy or give to a friend--great support for the coming months.

The Journey: This blog focuses on life balance and is published weekly by career/life balance coach/author/speaker Renee Peterson Trudeau (http://www.reneetrudeau.com/).