Happy

I was having dinner with some friends late last year when an interesting conversation came up.

Most of us were experiencing various stages of disequilibrium in our lives—either in our relationships, with our businesses or careers or in our emotional lives.

A friend I hadn’t seen in quite a while asked me, “So, how are you?” I paused for a minute, reflected and replied “Actually, I’m great. I’m feeling really good.” She looked at me with a confused expression on her face. She said she didn’t understand how this could be when I was navigating so many new and challenging business issues.

I told her, “I think happiness is a choice, and in this moment, this day, this is how I’m choosing to feel.”

I, like many of you, experienced a lot of loss and dysfunction growing up (three of my immediate family members died unexpectedly and prematurely between my 24th and 34th birthdays). And throughout most of my twenties and into my early thirties, I felt those losses had the power to dictate how much, how often or when I could experience joy. (I later realized--after a lot of personal growth work--that they were irrelevant to my happiness!)

It’s as if for years, anytime I started to feel light, free or happy, the old feeling of “waiting for the other shoe to drop” would creep in. Can anyone relate?

Last year there was a lot of buzz in the media about happiness and the happiness set point. (read more about this concept via this link). Research was released which showed how much power we have over our ability to be happy (and that feeling good was not related in any way to the accumulation of “stuff”). Helping others, feeling grateful, living more in the present and taking time for soul-nourishing, deeply absorbing work and activities are all things that impacted our happiness quotient.

Many of my clients are riding the emotional roller coaster of these uncertain economic times: “I can’t look at my retirement account, it makes me sick,” “My phone lines are dead, no one is spending right now,” “Announcements about layoffs are coming next week, I’m in limbo,” and “ I want to start a business or change careers, but am I crazy to think about doing this now?!”

I would challenge all of us to examine our thinking. Is it possible to be happy no matter what? Where does our happiness come from? Can I be happy even when everything around me “looks” like it’s falling apart?

I believe we can. Even if it’s a moment-to-moment experience.

P.S. I just did an interview with Cathy Greenberg, Ph.D., for her new book “What Happy Working Mothers Know.”. She and her partners are conducting research on working mothers from around the globe from various socioeconomic backgrounds to determine what make women—working mothers in particular—happy. Interesting stuff. Come here us at the Florida Conference for Women, May 12th and join this lively dialogue.

Miracles

Have you ever faced a conundrum that you knew could not be solved by “thinking it through?”

I have shared in several recent blog posts my intention to create more simplicity in my life in 2009 and how challenging it has been over the last year to run two national businesses (one that is in start-up mode!), while maintaining a sense of equilibrium, and honoring my top priorities, including spending quality time with my son every afternoon.(In fairness to myself, the second was never intended to be a business, it was born organically from a need and desire to help others.)

I’m in a wonderful master mind group with 4 other coaches. Our approach is a little different than many similar support groups for entrepreneurs. We all like to view business challenges with the mindset that “there is a spiritual solution to every problem.”

I think it was Einstein that said “problems are not solved on the level at which they are created.” This has always resonated with me.

So in that vein, I release my “challenge” (which may not be a challenge at all, depending on how I look at it, right?!), trust and remain open to a fresh perspective. I’ve learned from riding the entrepreneur roller coaster over the last almost ten years that miracles often arrive in strange wrapping.

I’m looking forward to a shift in thinking (I call this a miracle) and am grateful for my clarity around knowing what matters most to me.

I think it was author Wayne Dyer that said, “Change your thinking and you change your world.” Amen Wayne, I'l take some of that! (photo: Sun setting in the Olympic National Forest Renee Peterson Trudeau)

P.S. One great way to shift your thinking is to attend a professional or personal development event. We have some great ones listed here: www.reneetrudeau.com/calendar. Check out the Sunday business section in your local paper for others.

Alive

Although it’s been challenging juggling everything this month, I am really enjoying my January writing sabbatical. And, it’s headed in a completely different direction than I had thought—but I’ll save that for another time.

Creating mental space—where I can actually allow my thoughts to slowly meander where they like, as opposed to the daily rush of reacting to endless requests-- has really allowed me to remember what invigorates, inspires and makes me come alive.

I started a weekly Intuitive Arts painting class with Fire Tree Studio—a gift from my siblings for my 43rd birthday; last weekend, my family attended an amazing photography exhibit called Workers-- about the world’s laborers and this past Saturday night my husband –a Brazilian drummer—and I stepped out of our comfort zone and went two-stepping at the world-famous Broken Spoke, one of the oldest dance halls in Texas, where legend Dale Watson was playing. This Friday, as I celebrate my birthday with my five brothers and sisters, we will all be hitting a local roller skating rink—something I haven’t done in probably 17 or more years!

And, after months of begging from my six-year old, we finally got it together to volunteer and go out on a Mobile Loaves and Fishes truck (am amazing Austin-based nonprofit that feeds and clothes the homeless and poor), and traveled to halfway homes and government housing on a cold, dark week night, offering meals, support and a little conversation to our neighbors on the east side of town.

Later that night, my son couldn’t stop talking about the experience (he actually served people directly from the back of the truck offering them their choice of fruit, chips, etc.) saying, “this was the best day of my life!” He later shared with my husband as he was tucking him in that night, that he used to think the homeless were different from him, but he now realizes they’re his brothers and sisters.

All of these experiences made me feel alive. They are the kinds of things I have always done since I was a young kid. They are who I am.

I love to express my creativity and soak up the various ways others express their creative spirit, too (more on this in my next Life Balance Newsletter). My mother, a classically trained musician, used to love to open all our windows when the weather was nice and put on Bach's Brandenberg Concertos to inspire us when we were little. Creative expression was a constant in our household.

I feel, in times of uncertainty, it’s always wise to return to that which feeds us from the “inside out.” And, reminds us of who we really are and what really matters.

What makes YOU come alive? I’d love to hear your stories!

P.S. We’ll be exploring our creativity as an essential part of developing a self-care practice at the Spring Women’s Self-Renewal Retreat at The Crossings. I’d love to see you and your mothers/sisters/girlfriends there!

P.S.S. I also wanted to recommend a beautiful, much-needed book for working moms written by my friend Phaedra Cucina, who expressed her creativity through the creation of her new heart-felt book “My Mommy’s on a Business Trip.” The book tells of the “adventures” of business travel from a young child’s point of view, with the endearing message that mom misses her and is coming home soon. Available exclusively at http://www.mommytrip.com/,

Intuition

This past weekend, my son, husband and I climbed the beautiful, majestic granite Enchanted Rock in the Texas Hill Country.

After climbing to the top, we chose to descend down the isolated west side of the rock—which is not on the map and fairly challenging—so we could end up in Echo Canyon. We like to travel off the beaten path and it looked like a fun, doable adventure.

As we moved down the steep rounded side, John and I each choosing slightly different routes with our agile son at our heels, I reflected on what an individual journey this was for each of us.

We carefully chose where to place our feet and how to move down the challenging landscape based on yes--our comfort, skill level and physical fitness—but also in large part, our intuition.

I have been struggling since last spring with managing two businesses—one 9 years old and one 18 months old—and how, frankly, to do this without falling into overwork and while still staying deeply connected to my family. It has not been easy and if weren’t for financial necessity, I would never have agreed to this as my friend says “crazy making!”

For the past year, I vigorously sought out a phenomenal business coach/consultant who had experience supporting professionals in my specific scenario and with my unique challenges, but no one was showing up. I was surprised and frustrated. I’m a huge believer in asking for help, and help (in the manner I had envisioned it) just wasn’t materializing!

In November, I was gifted with some pearls of insight from three mentors, which I was very grateful for. But ultimately, I arrived at the realization that I could hire someone to suggest business strategies—based on data, spread sheets and such—but none of that really mattered if the course of action didn’t deeply resonate with me.

My intuition is my built in GPS system. And even though sometimes the guidance I receive may not make solid business sense—or even common sense—when it first surfaces, I have learned that if I ignore this, my “work” (whether that be business, spiritual or relationship) will quadruple.

I’ve come to think of my intuition as a dear, dear friend. She is always accessible, never too busy for me and she will sit quietly while I go round and round with my same old story until I’m ready to get quiet and hear her speak the truth.

My only job is to create enough space and quiet in my life, to hear her.

P.S. If you’re wanting to enhance your intuitive abilities, check out my friend Dianna Amorde’s workshops. She is a Harvard-trained consultant specializing in Intuitive Intelligence who works with Fortune 500 companies on harnessing this strength.

And, if you’d like to be in the company of other women from around the US who are also interested in living this way, consider coming to my deeply nourishing April 24-26 Women’s Spring Self-Renewal Retreat at The Crossings.

PHOTO: West side of Enchanted Rock, Renee Peterson Trudeau