Listening

Last night was the first time I've slept through the night in quite a while.

For the greater part of the last 30 days I have been waking up abruptly every night between 3 and 4 a.m. and have not been able to go back to sleep.


Yes, I'm exhausted and for someone who has always been a sound sleeper, this has been perplexing and extremely frustrating. From what I'm reading about women's health and perimenopause, this symptom is quite common for women in their forties who are beginning to experience fluctuations in their hormone levels, but sorry, I'm not ready to give up my 8 hours/night quite yet!

(Image above is an underwater shot from the Hoh Rainforest, Olympic National Park, WA, Renee Peterson Trudeau)

On top of the insomnia, I've been having off-the charts, extremely intense dreams about my parents who have passed, and archetypal themes like birth, rebirth, death, flying, aging, going back to school, etc. that are staying with me for days to come. (I recently stumbled upon an interesting interview Oprah did with Rodger Kamenetz, author of The History of Last Night's Dream; watch their interview here on Oprah's Soul Series: http://www.oprah.com/article/spirit/inspiration/pkgoprahssoulserieswebcast/20080825_oaf_oss_rkamenetz. Kamenetz encourages readers to use dreams as a way to rediscover the soul and believes we greatly underestimate the force and power of our dream life.)

Early yesterday morning, while my house was still quiet and my son was upstairs engrossed in Sesame Street, I sat down to journal about what’s been going on around my 3:00 a.m. rendezvous (Wayne Dyer, Ph.D., author of Inspiration: Your Ultimate Calling believes this is the “witching hour," the time when we are most creative, most attuned to our souls and when the “veil” between our conscious and our subconscious is the thinnest. He says the inspiration for most of his books comes to him at this time).

For the first time, rather than being angry about these sleepless jolts, I began to feel curious and asked “What is it that I need to hear?” .... “What are you trying to tell me?”

My dreams have had a real sense of urgency, it does feel as if something –a message, a breakthrough, a change in perspective, an insight, a release of the old—is trying to come through.

I didn’t get a moment of profound insight while journaling, but what I did hear--quite loudly-- is that I’m not listening closely enough and I need to take an entire day--sooner than later—to be still, quiet and ask this question again. So, that’s my plan, and I blocked out an upcoming date on my calendar to do this.

And last night, for the first time in a month, I slept through the night.