How does balance feel to you?

Although I enjoyed a long walk with a good friend around Town Lake Saturday morning and a relaxing dinner at home with my family Saturday evening (we made some wonderful fish tacos on fresh corn tortillas), I found myself feeling crabby and short-tempered off and on throughout the weekend.

Why? It could have been stress, but most likely it was because I had to work part of the time due to some important deadlines. And, this ate into any time I would normally have for myself.

Our family likes to play. A lot. And although I love my work—which often doesn’t even feel like work—I look forward to and relish my weekends for downtime, relaxation, hearing music or seeing art, being outdoors, taking pictures, trying new foods, hanging out with friends and family and going on new adventures.

It was a good experience to taste “contrast” (what many spiritual teachers call disequilibrium or feeling challenged by life) and to be reminded of what’s important to me, how I desire to live my life and how committed I am to feeling connection, community, meaning and joy—at least most of the time!

The experience brought me back to the opening chapter of my book where I share:

The life I desire is marked by a deep connection to my child and to my partner. It’s a life filled with joy and meaning. It’s a life in which I feel supported and nurtured by an incredible community of women—young and old. I experience regular, meaningful, heartfelt connections with people I care about. I am continually open to growth—as a woman, a mother, a partner and a spiritual being. I enjoy supporting and serving others in a way that feeds me rather than drains me. I feel that I always have enough time in my life for those things that are most important to me. My life flows, I trust my intuition and I expect good to come to me. I feel peaceful. I am loving, and I feel loved.

This is really how “balance” (the concept of having enough time, energy and resources to devote to those things that are most important to you), feels to me.

I’m curious, how does balance “feel” to you?

Posted by Renee Trudeau, coach/speaker and author “The Mother’s Guide to Self-Renewal: How to Reclaim, Rejuvenate and Re-Balance Your Life.” Click here to read her latest Life Balance ENewsletter on Building a Support System or here to subscribe to her blog, The Journey. Learn more about her upcoming events and retreats here.

Photo: Open grasses on the east side of Enchanted Rock: Renee Peterson Trudeau.

Self-Care, My Best Friend

Last night I spoke to a wonderful group of about fifty women in their 30s-50s from the National Charity League about the Power of Self-Care. It’s a really cool group of mothers and daughters who work together to support their communities through various social service projects.

When I asked how many women in the room were familiar with the concept of self-care (read more from my newsletter on this topic), only one woman raised her hand.

As much as I want to believe that this concept—which has been popularized by self-care advocates Jennifer Louden, and Cheryl Richardson in the 80s and 90s—has become mainstream, I was reminded that we still have a long way to go before people believe that it’s not only our birthright to nurture and nourish ourselves, it’s our responsibility to do so.

When I was first introduced to the concept of self-care: taking time to fill my cup first, before helping others, it seemed strange and foreign. Almost like something else to put on my “to do” list. But as I started to slow down and practice more self-acceptance, release a lot of my controlling behavior and perfectionism, begin to really listen to my body and spirit and enjoy spending time with my sweet self, my life began to change radically.

I felt like I had come home. Like this was *really* the way we are supposed to live.

I now realize that being open to and ultimately, embracing self-care was the single biggest thing I have ever done to positively and profoundly change my life.

And the journey keeps shifting and changing. You don’t “get it” and you’re done. It keeps evolving and unfolding. And the more you love and accept yourself, the more in touch with your physical/emotional/spiritual needs you become.

I often have moments in my life when I pause and realize how drastically different my days are now than they were ten years ago (before self-care).

I used to push myself really hard. I used to barrel through to-do lists (I was a master at efficiency and took pride at how much I used to be able to get done---anyone relate?). I was way too focused on “doing” and not very focused on “being.”

Yesterday, I had a challenging day emotionally and a lot on my plate. Realizing this, I went to a noon yoga class instead of an intense early morning weights class. I made sure I ate foods that made me feel great. I let some things go, so I could take a short rest before my speaking engagement last night. And, since I didn’t have much time to prepare before this event, I allowed myself to deliver a ‘good is good enough” speech, knowing that there wouldn’t be much time to prepare for the talk (which by the way, received rave reviews).

During stressful times—like the current economic crisis our nation is experiencing—it’s more important than ever to take time to nurture ourselves. (Read my latest Career Management Newsletter on tips on navigating your career/life during uncertain times.)

I received two calls from national companies yesterday to speak to their employees about balance/self-renewal.

I think we’re all starting to get that when our environment and things around us get really crazy, we have no where else to go, but within.

Baby steps. I’ve been working on my self-care practice for 9 years. And, I still have a long way to go.

P.S. If you’re new to self-care or seeking support, check out Jennifer Louden’s new Comfort Café/Life Spa , it looks really cool. I plan to sign up soon. Also, if you’re interested in really soaking up the self-care message and understanding why and how it can change your life for the better, join us April 24-26th at the Crossings for my Spring Self-Renewal Retreat for Women.

And, if you're wanting to really dive in and make self-care part of your everyday life, I encourage you to think about starting/joining a women's Personal Renewal Group (a self renewal circle for women based on my book The Mother's Guide to Self-Renewal) at http://www.reneetrudeau.com/.

Photo: My six-year old son--and inspiration for self-care-- cheering on an amazing water fountain outside of the Dallas Museum of Art, where we visited the King Tut exhibit.

Simplicity

One of our favorite family activities is to visit the Sunset Valley Farmer’s Market each Saturday morning, choose some yummy things to eat for the day/week and come home and enjoy a wonderful leisurely lunch together.

This past Saturday, we feasted on a marinated, slow roasted free range chicken from an amazing German chef (my friend Kate calls it ‘crack chicken” it’s so seductively good), a jar of Hairston Creek’s delicious sweetly marinated bread and butter pickles, some fabulous organic, pasture raised eggs from Ringger Farm which we hard-boiled, a loaf of chewy Ciabatta bread from Sweetish Hill Bakery, some crisp gala apples and some organic winter greens from Gundermann farms which we sauteed in lemon zest and olive oil. Yum.

Life coach/author Cheryl Richardson says our quality of life is enhanced not by what we add to, but what we remove from our plates.

Each Monday, I start the day—no matter how busy I am—by attending this amazingly nourishing Hatha yoga class near my home. Often I see friends there and they ask, "So, how was your weekend?” I like this question, because it make me pause.

The weekends that are the most fun, the most soulful, the most satisfying, are those where didn’t do much. Where we allowed for expanses of time, to enjoy the simple things—a impromptu walk with neighbors, a family game of scrabble, hiking and exploring a new natural spot, sharing good food together, lying around lazily reading, etc.

My family is finding that we are enjoying the “challenge” of experiencing more on less (like most, we’re on a tight budget and are looking at creative ways to make our dollars go farther; read more from my recent newsletter on how this unique time in history is challenging us all).

What are the simple things that you find deeply nourishing? When was the last time you enjoyed these activities? I’d love to hear what simple things feed you and yours.

P.S. Thanks for all the great stories you emailed me about your personal spiritual journeys. Writer/intuitive consultant Jennifer Hill Robenalt recently launched an interesting spiritually-focused blog called Current Living; we sat down recently to discuss my path. Read more.

And, considering joining me April 24-26th at The Crossings for my Spring Women's Self-Renewal Retreat--a wonderful opportunity to nurture yourself, enjoy expanses of stillness and really explore how and where you find meaning in life.

Spirituality

I had a very unusual upbringing (read more). My parents were what most people would call spiritual “seekers.”

Questions about how we connect to our divinity or the sacred --what most people refer to as spirituality--were constantly on the forefront of my parent’s minds (my siblings’ godparents include a beautiful Irish nun named Aine and Swami Satchidananda, the founder of Integral Yoga).

Although there was a lot of emotional discord in our house, we always knew God was very important to my parents and that there were many paths to reach him/her. Interestingly, my mother was raised Presbyterian and my father Methodist; they converted to Catholicism after their third child was born. From there, their journey continued on to include many different Eastern and Western teachings.

For me personally, to feel balance, equilibrium and a sense of well-being in my life, a spiritual “practice” is a necessity (you can read more about the fascinating research I did last summer around the topic of Everyday Spirituality).

And, when I speak to a corporation, organization or at a conference and am asked to lead a Life Balance workshop around the power of self-renewal, when I touch on the four areas of renewal—physical, mental, emotional, spiritual—and ask participants to focus on the area that most needs their attention right now, you know what most of them say?

Yep, spiritual renewal is at the top of their list.

Last night, while my husband performed with his Brazilian Samba group at Carnaval,
I had a much tamer night, relaxing at home and purging my closet (you know how it is when you get bit by the “purge bug”—you gotta run with it!).

While sorting through my closet and trying to decide what clothes I loved and what had to go, I listened to music and stumbled across this great panel discussion on Oprah’s Soul Series on Spirituality (check it out, definitely worth your time!).

A reoccurring theme that this panel touched on and that I hear many of my friends discuss—particularly parents—is how their religious upbringing scared them away from talking or thinking about spirituality, God or being a part of a spiritual community (whether that’s a church, a meditation or prayer circle or a spiritually-focused book group).

What about you? How were your raised? Are you currently involved in that church? Have you converted to a different religion? Do you talk to your kids about God or the sacred in everyday life? Do you have a daily spiritual practice?

I would love to hear about your personal story.

I really think when we share our own reflections around spirituality, it enriches and deepens our collective experience. I look forward to hearing a little about your journey.

Photo: My almost seven-year old after he reached the top of Enchanted Rock --by far, my greatest spiritual teacher.