Stress=Living in the Future

Years ago I remember being in a workshop with Richard Carlson, a gifted teacher, father and the author of Slowing Down to the Speed of Life, Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff (It’s All Small Stuff) and many other best-selling titles.

He used to speak a lot about stress reduction and experiencing enhanced well-being through slowing down and living in the moment. Someone in the audience asked him how in the world he did this when last year he had presented at 200 conferences (do the math!).

His response, “I don’t think about where I have to be on Friday, next week or the following month. I simply take a taxi to the airport. I sit and wait for the plane. I get on the plane. I de-board. I take a taxi to the hotel. I present my talk. I go back to my room to sleep. I take a taxi back to the airport ......and on I go.”

His point being that he was able to maintain such an intense schedule because he didn’t dwell on the past or become overwhelmed by the future. He stayed in the present moment.

When we’re fully present. Fully here, right now. Aware of our breath and being in our bodies, there is no stress. (Try it.) It’s thinking about our insane to-do lists and everything that lies before us that throws us over the edge.

I take this lesson to heart today as I look at my incredibly too-full week of deadlines, meetings, events and personal/school obligations and remember Richard’s wise teaching.

And I breathe. And, move forward purposefully. Grateful to be doing work I love, serving others and knowing stress is really an inside-out job. A choice.

I know Richard, who passed away suddenly in 2006 a month after he endorsed my upcoming book, would smile if heard this. And would encourage all of us to slow down and trust that everything that’s really important will get done. But, it’s up to us how we choose to experience the journey.

AN INVITATION: Interested in how you can live more in the present and tap into the power of self-care? Join us Oct.29 for our FREE Live Inside Out class via telephone. Sign up here! Or, learn how you can join or become trained to lead a self-renewal circle for women. View all upcoming events here.

Also, visit Live Inside Out and sign up to receive weekly tips on how to live more intentionally by becoming a fan on our Live Inside Out Facebook page.

The Journey, a blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey to life balance and living life from the inside out, comes out weekly.

Photo: Renee Peterson Trudeau. High plains of New Mexico. This beautiful plant clearly enjoyed soaking up the present moment as much as we did.

Are You “In Integrity” with Yourself?

If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away. Henry David Thoreau

Recently I attended a wellness conference with women from around the U.S. On our lunch break, I joined a group of women sitting outside on the grass. Most of the women were in their thirties and forties and married with kids.

When I joined the group, they were in the midst of discussing marital infidelity. A couple of the women shared they had recently had ongoing intimate online exchanges with ex-boyfriends and the “cyber dating” was heating up. The group was going back and forth on whether or not this was “cheating.” I sat and observed the discussion and reflected silently on this topic.

Suddenly, one of the women asked me what I thought. I paused for a long time. Finally, I shared that when I’m grappling with a question like this, I do an “inner check-in” and ask myself if I feel the action is “in integrity” with who I am? And 100% of the time, I get the answer right away.

The group got very quiet. Some nodded knowingly, as answers surfaced for them, as well.

Often if the issue I’m examining is really big and I want to make sure that my actions are in alignment, I’ll ask the following three questions:

What is my motivation for this action (truly)?
Am I acting from a place of fear or love?
Is this action reflective of my highest self?

I think for most of us “being in integrity with self” is often an hour to hour or day to day challenge. Or sometimes, we're so "asleep," we're not even aware we're out of alignment.

I’ve bumped up against a lot of people lately who are making choices based on fear. And, it’s challenged me to access my deepest compassion and to give others the benefit of the doubt. Because, ultimately, I believe we all want to be in balance, in alignment and “in integrity” with the highest and best in each of us.

AN INVITATION: Interested in how you can reconnect with your highest self and tap into the power of self-care? Consider starting/joining one of our women's self-renewal circlesor joining us Oct.29 for our FREE Live Inside Out class via telephone. Sign up here. View all upcoming events here.

Also, visit Live Inside Out and sign up to receive weekly tips on how to live more intentionally by becoming a fan on our Live Inside Out Facebook page.

The Journey, a blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey to life balance and living life from the inside out, comes out weekly.

Photo: Renee Peterson Trudeau. Henry David Thoreau's headstone, Sleep Hollow Cemetery, Concord MA.

Are You Connected to Your Needs?

This morning as I drove my seven-year old son to school, I mused out loud “Should I go to Yoga or Nia this morning?” I love both, but was juggling a really full day with a lot of deadlines, so I was pondering which might support a more flowing schedule.

While we waited in line at school to reach the drop off point, out of the blue, my son asked me, “Well mom, how do you feel after you go to Yoga?” “Hmmm, wise and calm,” I replied. “And how do you feel after you go to Nia?” he asked. “Alive and happy,” I said, enjoying this conversation and how engaged my child was in helping me. “So,” he continued, “what kind of day do you want to have—wise and calm or happy and alive?” “Oh, wise and calm!” I said after reflecting on what I most needed today. “Yes, it’s definitely a wise and calm day.”

I’m working with a wonderful speaker/teacher/advocate for mothers on a new publishing project on the topic of Courageous Parenting. The project visionary, Amy Tiemann, is author of Mojo Mom: Nurturing Your Self While Raising a Family. She believes, as I do, that one of the most powerful gifts we can give our children is the understanding of how essential it is to be connected to and nurture our needs, so that we can full present in our relationships.

I think my son got the memo.

Looking forward to sharing more about Amy’s Courageous Parenting anthology/project, stories from my fellow contributors and how it aligns with our Live Inside Out initiative.

P.S. Speaking of aligning with your needs, if you’re in career transition and hanging out in the gap between where you’ve been and where you want to go next, check out today’s story in the Austin American Statesman on tips for making a career change over your lunch hour. And, join us Oct. 22nd in Austin at Finding Your Career Mojo for support, encouragement and ongoing resources for finding work that is a fit for you inside and out.

AN INVITATION: Interested in how you can learn to connect to your needs and tap into the power of self-care? Consider starting/joining one of our women's self-renewal circlesor joining us Oct.29 for our FREE Live Inside Out class via telephone. Sign up here. View all upcoming events here.

Also, visit Live Inside Out and sign up to receive weekly tips on how to live more intentionally by becoming a fan on our Live Inside Out Facebook page.

The Journey, a blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey to life balance and living life from the inside out, comes out weekly.

Photo: Renee Peterson Trudeau. My son looks out into the Puget Sound hoping to see a whale as we travel on the ferry from Port Angeles to Seattle, WA.

Radical Self-Care

Are you willing to p*** people off in order to take care of yourself?

I just returned from our amazing Fall Self-Renewal Retreat at The Crossings with twenty wonderful women from around the U.S. (Look for more to come on our April 2010 retreat.) During one session, we explored what our “barriers to self-care” are: what keeps us from taking care of ourselves.

Many women shared that they were afraid of what others might think, they might ignite anger or irritation for taking a stand for their needs or they were afraid they might rock the boat by saying “no” to a request from someone else, so they could say “yes” to their physical/emotional/spiritual well-being.

Can you relate? I sure can.

Usually every Fall and Spring—our busiest times—I become extremely mindful of my time, energy and resources. And invariably, I have to end up saying no more often than yes, to things that truly feed me: new coaching clients (they can work with our amazing senior career coaches Angela and Sarina), opportunities for collaboration/projects with colleagues, starting new partnerships and friends/school social gatherings. Occasionally, I even change my mind and give myself permission to back out of previous commitments.

This used to be really hard for me. I love to help and serve others and have many gifts and talents which allow me to do so on a large scale—whether it’s supporting others to discover their life’s work, experience more balance, grow/expand their business, promote their amazing events/initiatives or remember who they really are.

But just because I can, doesn’t mean I should.

I am not willing to over-work, over-schedule, over-commit or over-extend in order to please others. And, when you commit to this path—which is often lonely—you will invariably p*** off some people along the way.

I took the hard road for the first thirty-something years of my life, but have finally learned that the person that I need to honor, nurture, respect and love above all--is me. And when I am kind, accepting and gentle towards her, everything else flows ...it's all good.

"Self-care is not about self-indulgence. It's about self-preservation." Audre Lorde

AN INVITATION: Interested in how you can learn to take a stand for your needs and tap into the power of self-care? Consider starting/joining one of our women's self-renewal circlesor joining us Oct.29 for our FREE Live Inside Out class via telephone. Sign up here. View all upcoming events here.

Also, visit Live Inside Out and sign up to receive weekly tips on how to live more intentionally by becoming a fan on our Live Inside Out Facebook page.

The Journey, a blog about coach/author/entrepreneur Renee Trudeau’s personal journey to life balance and living life from the inside out, comes out weekly.

Photo: Renee Peterson Trudeau. Olympic National Forest, WA.